Bulawayo24 News - Skyes! "it makes perfect sense"

Zanu-PF is the big monster

AS recent as last week, Elon Musk's fortune had swelled to a stupendous and eye-watering US$348 billion, making him probably the richest man on the planet.It is just obscene that one person's worth can be close to a third of the cumulative…

Published: 01 Dec 2024 at 08:25hrs | 307 | by Bishop Lazarus

It's the economy, stupid!

Eons ago, in Bishop Lazi's village, there lived a pint-sized legend who was known far and wide.Everyone always surmised â€” and with good reason too â€” he had inherited the worst biological qualities from both his parents.To say the chap …

Published: 03 Apr 2022 at 08:20hrs | 4 | by Bishop Lazarus

A chain is as strong as its weakest link

The Bishop's heart always bleeds each time he thinks about Ethiopia, the land of brave men and women who valiantly frustrated Italy's imperial designs in the 20th century, making it difficult for colonialism to find a comfy home in that pa…

Published: 05 Dec 2021 at 06:08hrs | 4 | by Bishop Lazarus

You can't pull in croc with fish hook

IN the village, the outcome of a fishing trip to the river often meant the difference between a sumptuous meal and another dish to be tolerated just to keep the body and soul together.As pleasurable as it might sound, fishing, particularly…

Published: 14 Nov 2021 at 05:37hrs | 17 | by Bishop Lazarus

It's a cruel world for black people

So the world decided to gather in Glasgow, Scotland, last week to try and save the planet from what we are told could be an imminent apocalypse caused by rising global temperatures.Well, Bishop Lazi has always been fascinated by this cold …

Published: 07 Nov 2021 at 07:08hrs | 18 | by Bishop Lazarus

We need new heroes!

Sometimes, Bishop Lazi is glad that his uncle is dead.The man was never the same ever since returning from the war.He was no longer the bubbly and chatty young man who revelled in the conviviality of family gatherings.Instead, his stoic vi…

Published: 08 Aug 2021 at 07:16hrs | 3 | by Bishop Lazarus

Business has learned nothing and forgot nothing

SO there was this prominent businessman-cum-pastor who was obsessed with religiously lampooning politicians as occultic during his daily sermons.Preaching from his moral high horse, the raboni, or "spiritual leader", gained rockstar acclai…

Published: 06 Jun 2021 at 09:50hrs | 4 | by Bishop Lazarus

Yes, you can legislate for patriotism

GROWING up in the village, one gets to appreciate the fact that not all dogs are the same.They are actually two distinct types: the abidingly loyal and disciplined type, and the hopelessly useless and truant ones.We once had a dog that eve…

Published: 21 Mar 2021 at 08:19hrs | 1 | by Bishop Lazarus

Even Lord Malvern failed to deliver water to Bulawayo

IN the old days, there was a special group of people called the Pharisees that did not particularly impress Jesus Christ.They were known for obsessively exhorting followers to be unstinting sticklers for the law, even though they did not h…

Published: 28 Feb 2021 at 08:42hrs | 3 | by Bishop Lazarus

The bane of deadbeat intellectuals

Talent seems to come with more than its fair share of baggage.Most often than not, gifted personalities belong to a pantheon of living gods that wow the world during their time in the limelight but wrestle their own demons away from the pu…

Published: 21 Feb 2021 at 06:58hrs | 17 | by Bishop Lazarus

Wananchi - never awaken a sleep-walking foe

Ignorance can be pure bliss.It makes life unburdensome through avoiding the inconvenience of putting up with inconvenient truths, facts and realities.What better way of preventing the ignominy of dealing with unpalatable truths, facts and …

Published: 14 Feb 2021 at 09:38hrs | 5 | by Bishop Lazarus

Rats cannot think beyond peanuts

AROUND this time in 2018, witty cynics, the majority of whom have happily found a convenient playground on social media platforms, were whining and whingeing that shortages of Coca-Cola which is a generic name in this part of the world for…

Published: 06 Dec 2020 at 07:47hrs | 3 | by Bishop Lazarus

Mastering art of 'villagising' cities

In Bishop Lazi's village, there lived this super-reclusive chap who, after a quarrel with his father over witchcraft, decided to build his own hut a spitting distance from the family homestead.Rather than endure the onerous and back-breaki…

Published: 20 Sep 2020 at 08:30hrs | 2 | by Bishop Lazarus

Warts of democracy can be an eyesore

Cynics often say politics is like a sewage as it allows stinking and filthy scum to rise to the top.In a twisted way, it's pretty much like milk, which, as it matures, allows cream to rise.Well, how else can one describe our current breed …

Published: 19 May 2019 at 09:05hrs | | by Bishop Lazarus

Please Mthuli, tax these bastards!

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised."Hallelujah!A story is often told of how Charles Mungoshi was once invited for a book reading of his Shona novel "Makunun'unu Maodzamoyo" at Rakodzi High Schoo…

Published: 24 Feb 2019 at 06:36hrs | 5 | by Bishop Lazarus

Damn you, Grim Reaper!

Those who grew up in the village, as Bishop Lazi did, know very well that birds and animals of prey hunt by stealth.Eagles are particularly a menace, especially by the regularity with which they make villagers count their loses.From lofty …

Published: 27 Jan 2019 at 19:01hrs | 2 | by Bishop Lazarus

The year of justice is nigh!

The Bishop lives! Hallelujah!And so, too, does sungura.What a holiday!Sorry, ndakazoenda ndisina kutaura. You see, this world is corrosive, especially for men of the cloth like Bishop Lazi.You get to meet humanity in its variegated form â€…

Published: 06 Jan 2019 at 09:44hrs | 2 | by Bishop Lazarus

Does Jonathan Moyo think Mnangagwa is afraid of Gukurahundi?

SO Professor Jonathan Moyo is convinced that President Mnangagwa is afraid of Gukurahundi? He really thinks the Gukurahundi issue should leave ED paralysed with fear? It's a shame, but that's the tomfoolery that Prof Moyo has always been d…

Published: 14 Jan 2018 at 08:11hrs | 1 | by Bishop Lazarus

A little bit of respect for Mnangagwa

Instead of working hard for the party, some people are going to work hard to destroy the VP. Some will be sponsored to do so while others will just be overzealous to put up a show. There is going to be a stampede and VP Mnangagwa better ge…

Published: 22 Oct 2017 at 08:20hrs | 6 | by Bishop Lazarus

Mugabe's age can't be a manifesto or an ideology

TODAY'S sermon comes from Leviticus 19 vs 32 and Isiah 46 vs 4. This sermon was inspired by comments that followed the statement by Presidential spokesman Mr George Charamba who last week took time to explain the President's medical trips …

Published: 14 May 2017 at 15:09hrs | 197 | by Bishop Lazarus

Mbalula's big mouth is devil's postbag

The issue of criminality in South Africa is historical just as the issue of poverty. Black South Africans are poor in a country of plenty and that is the source of criminality not the Zimbabwean army.DEAR congregants, allow me to skip all …

Published: 30 Apr 2017 at 14:08hrs | 4 | by Bishop Lazarus

Can Kasukuwere and Chiyangwa write a Bible for mankind?

Phidza is accusing Tyson of asking for a $5 million bribe and he thinks he has a case. The real story and the real bribe is how did Phidza get 587 hectares of land in prime Stoneridge Farm? How?Tsvangirai has been very busy over the past f…

Published: 23 Apr 2017 at 14:12hrs | 4 | by Bishop Lazarus

Thanks Mliswa for Norton

WITHOUT wasting time, I want to thank that Zanu-PF boy, Temba Mliswa, for showing his party the evils of factionalism and the grave mistake of abandoning real war veterans. I have a message for the Zanu-PF political commissar, Saviour Kasu…

Published: 30 Oct 2016 at 10:34hrs | 178 | by Bishop Lazarus

Journos pose biggest danger to themselves, not Govt

The biggest threat to journalism and media freedom in Zimbabwe are the journalists themselves. They are a threat to themselves, first and foremost. If Government poses any threat, it comes way later in the pack. I know these brothers and s…

Published: 08 May 2016 at 10:39hrs | 2163 | by Bishop Lazarus

Chivhayo needs prayers - Bishop Lazarus

You look at Wicknell Chivhayo and the hogwash he has been writing lately and you say to yourself, yeah, indeed money can't buy you everything.But come on guys, let's give it to the boy. He is a pleasant nuisance.Over the past few days, I h…

Published: 10 Apr 2016 at 08:35hrs | | by Bishop Lazarus

Stop lying, Joice didn't launch a political party

Just like many of my colleagues during this time of the year, I was out of the country over the past few weeks to re-connect with my spiritual father.You see, many of our congregants will generally be broke at this time so there was really…

Published: 05 Mar 2016 at 23:01hrs | 2431 | by Bishop Lazarus

Obert Gutu preaches to Apostle Guti

Today's sermon comes from Romans 13 vs 1 and Exodus 22 vs 28. The MDC-T better be warned.We all agree, Morgan Tsvangirai's party has lots of weaknesses but when the party thinks it's much wiser than God, that leaves this Bishop with no opt…

Published: 17 May 2015 at 10:48hrs | 3 | by Bishop Lazarus

And then Tsvangirai smiled again

We all know MDC-T is broke. We all know that the British and the Americans are fed up with hand-holding dear Morgan. We know that regime change has changed to regime destruction. We know that MDC-T is like a morgue. And then Morgan smiled …

Published: 16 Mar 2015 at 09:46hrs | 4 | by Bishop Lazarus

Warning to Khaya Moyo

Kikikikikiki! Kikikikikiki! Pardon me dear reader for bursting out laughing! And don't worry, your poor Bishop has not lost his marbles. Was watching the 21st February Movement celebrations in Victoria Falls on television yesterday and hey…

Published: 01 Mar 2015 at 12:10hrs | 4748 | by Bishop Lazarus

Of fake Gushungo adverts

TODAY'S sermon comes from James 1 vs 22 and Ephesians 4 vs 18. I shall be preaching about deceitful people since there is a unprecedented rush to "lick" the President and I shall also preach a bit about "a practically useless media" that t…

Published: 22 Feb 2015 at 09:24hrs | 2496 | by Bishop Lazarus

3 million Zimbabweans in SA?

I trust yours is a blessed Sunday. When one is confronted with stupidity they can respond in two ways: cure the fool or allow it so suffer in ignorance. I'm feeling particularly generous today so let's get the logical medicines out.On May …

Published: 25 May 2014 at 19:30hrs | 4012 | by Bishop Lazarus

Columnist / Bishop lazarus

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