Columnist / Clerk ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: Ngayende ngabude! What?
Malema is very crafty, just like that red fox, neh? He has outsmarted everyone this time around. He can hide behind load shedding, rise in crime, Phalaphalagate etc as reasons he wants Ramaphosa gone....Published: 26 Mar 2023 at 20:34hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: Zan'arcissists
We are in a forced relationship with a narcissistic government. They think they are the best. They think they are great and important. They think we can never survive without them. And they think we d...Published: 12 Mar 2023 at 16:05hrs | 3 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: What a disaster
Do rich people always have to brag every chance they get? For instance, he owns a construction company and bullies everyone to agree that he works hard. We know who works hard, and for peanuts. It's a...Published: 08 Jan 2023 at 19:37hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: Will the real Ndebele please stand up
There has been a lot of talk about the resorgimento of the Ndebele Kingdom and crowning of the King himself. We have had so many pretenders to the throne, all claiming to be the rightful heirs or Prin...Published: 28 Dec 2022 at 18:40hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: Not necessarily doom and gloom
Hospitals are not just palaces of doom and gloom. It is not just arrivals and departures.. There is life besides just giving patients tender loving care. One of the main tasks of nurses is to write re...Published: 16 Dec 2022 at 16:29hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: When the honeymoon is over
I was in a train the other day, which happened to be stationary for over an hour because of load shedding. Most of the passengers look restless; some were shouting their lungs out; others were mummeri...Published: 13 Dec 2022 at 09:42hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: Woman-made Disaster!
There has never been so much hype and hysteria around the prevalence of gender based violence, ninety percent of which, we are told, is committed by men. Like HIV, it has been called a pandemic, and l...Published: 11 Dec 2022 at 22:01hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: No, South Africa can never be another Zimbabwe
Finally, load 'shredding' is over, for now. Well, my workmate calls it so. She is a modern day Malaprop and does not care whether words she uses are appropriate or not. 'This morning poli...Published: 13 Oct 2022 at 13:46hrs | 8 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: Freedom is coming tomorrow!
Discussion over what to call the territory once ruled, as the song goes, by King Mambo and King Mzilikazi is a centre of political dispute; some population groups favour Mthwakazi while others opt for...Published: 29 Aug 2022 at 21:24hrs | 3 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: The endangered species
I have a feeling the Ndebele language is endangered - and we, the custodians of the language by right of being senior citizens - are not helping the situation in any way. How would you feel if you wer...Published: 22 Aug 2022 at 11:04hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This & that with Mal'phosa: Int'yenzayo, Aaron Motsoaledi siyayizonda!
There was a demonstration yesterday in Hilbrow - Zimbabweans of all tribes, colour and creed coming together to plead with the Home office to please extend their permits. Well, you might not have hear...Published: 14 Aug 2022 at 15:04hrs | 11 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Yes No, maybe
Hey boys, how does it feel to have a girl say 'Yes' now and then 'No' after a day or two or after week? Remember how devastating it was or it is? I can think of three of my friends abazi hilelayo beca...Published: 22 Jan 2017 at 11:10hrs | 1 | by Clerk ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Amen and Ei-men!
Am I the only one who has been getting messages from Jesus or his father - via face book of via Whatsapp? Am talking about those dreary threatening gory pictures of suffering humans with limbs cut off...Published: 13 Jan 2017 at 14:09hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - It's all fake
Hey, happy new year everyone. I wish you an awesome year; wealthy and healthy, I mean, really wealthy, not fake wealthy. How did you manage gifts for your loved ones under these trying economic times,...Published: 04 Jan 2017 at 12:03hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal,phosa - Home or Foreign Affairs?
We have been in this queue for the past two hours and the night seems to be forever. I can feel the unbearable pressure from the call of nature but I, and no one, dare wonder away from the safety of t...Published: 04 Dec 2016 at 14:12hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Mal'phosa - Let us sPray
Abantu amanga! Just this week they were claiming that the price of doom is going to go up ten-fold. They said that the manufacturers had invented new uses for their product - something like, Lacto - i...Published: 27 Nov 2016 at 14:35hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with M'lphosa: Football gone to the sissies?
Mankind has enjoyed ball games, especially football – which is considered a sport for the poor until one sits down and analyses the figures – for over two thousand years. Football especially h...Published: 30 Oct 2016 at 12:57hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - How The Mighty Have Fallen
A friend sent me a picture of the once untouchable, formidable and all too powerful former speaker of parliament and former Zanu secretary for administration, and former Member of parliament fo...Published: 23 Oct 2016 at 12:58hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
Taxes only good for the government and not ordinary citizens
TAXES were, of course, good for the government and not so good for the ordinary citizen who barely understood what was happening. To him, it was a simple case of the government extending its high-hand...Published: 17 Jul 2016 at 17:10hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
Zimbabwe:- A case for colonial taxes
When my brother turned eighteen in 1973, he went ko Skomitshi to apply for ispeketsheni - a form of identity document which all boys had to have before they actually qualified to get the real isithuph...Published: 10 Jul 2016 at 16:20hrs | 7 | by Clerk Ndlovu
Gone are the days: The schools inspector
There was a man, whom we later came to know as just Mr. Makhalima. He frequented our primary school in Nswazi and each time he was there we noted that the teachers were all so nervous and eager to imp...Published: 26 Jun 2016 at 17:39hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
Joshua's name abused!
So, Mujuru has apologized for insulting Father Zimbabwe? No, wait a bit; Mujuru, according to the news, came short of apologizing. Uphose waxolisa – but the Zanu pride and arrogance stopped her righ...Published: 19 Jun 2016 at 14:09hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
Face to Face with Mawiza Mdluli - The 'New Mathonto'
Nostalgic and missing those beautiful Mathonto days? No need to worry because here comes another son of the soil, fondly known as Mawiza to his multitude of fans. Listening to his music from afar, one...Published: 22 May 2016 at 11:32hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Back From Heaven
Have you heard? It's a crime to call one pastor's name in Zimbabwe, that pastor who went to heaven and took photos and came back to earth within hours. Well, they say his name yinhlamba enkulu but no ...Published: 10 Apr 2016 at 17:19hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Abahlutshwa ngu Jesu
"Thulani bantwabami ngob'unyoko wabaleka; Musan'ungikhalela selilhuph'amaDlozi; musanukung'khalela selihluph'uJesu." This is an extract from one of the late Vusi Xmba songs. Here is a man...Published: 03 Apr 2016 at 21:30hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - All Patriots, stand up!
What a game yesterday between two giants of football, Chicken Inn and Sundowns! It kept every lover of the game on the edge of their seats from start to finish. The attacking flair, the aggression, th...Published: 29 Feb 2016 at 06:58hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Long live the love letter
Four ‘love' letters still stand out prominently from among the many I am lucky to have seen and read. Of course, one was written by me and it made me the laughing stock of the whole class if not the...Published: 14 Feb 2016 at 14:12hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that Mal'phosa - The Stars Are here, Great!
Picture this; a 15 year old boy just moved to Bulawayo with his parents. Just like his parents, he is a cheerful, humble, respectful, sociable, God fearing boy. He does not look very ambitious and see...Published: 10 Jan 2016 at 11:18hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa: Complications of the Season
Happy birthday Jesus; and Complications of the season, everybody. What is there to compliment in such a dreary and depressing year! Southern Africa is experiencing a drought that has made weather repo...Published: 03 Jan 2016 at 11:31hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Take a leaf from Zuma
The unfortunate anarchy which has resulted in the butchery of citizens in Bujumbura brings forth a few pertinent questions which all high-light the monumental failure of the regional groupings like th...Published: 27 Dec 2015 at 14:09hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - You fired, god!
If the Greek lord of the sky and rain had been a real person with a job and family to support, he'd have found himself searching for another job and being disowned because of negligence and ineptitude...Published: 15 Nov 2015 at 18:01hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - Making ends meet, the Goli way
It has become so hard for most of those in the Diaspora to make ends meet, especially in South Africa. And when one phones home they'd just be praying they will be told sekungcono, they can now come b...Published: 08 Nov 2015 at 18:39hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - Ngubani obethela umuzi
My friend went home recently and received the shock of his life. His home looked strange - just three months after he went to work in Botswana. The curtains would not have caught his attention had it ...Published: 31 Oct 2015 at 14:40hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa - The Xeno at the Hospital
Last Thursday night I was at Johannesburg Hospital with a friend when a couple with an obviously ill baby arrived in an ambulance. They were in obvious panic as the baby fitted and groaned continuousl...Published: 25 May 2015 at 07:25hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Happy birthday, Zimbabwe
Happy birthday, Zimbabwe. You were born out so much blood, as if from some inevitable and necessary Caesarian section. And like old dark, ominous, stinking blood clots from a Caesarian section, yo...Published: 19 Apr 2015 at 14:59hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
Dear Comrade Malema
So, the mighty Malema fears death after all. He was called a cockroach by the Speaker of the House after he and his rowdy Members of Parliament made a nuisance of themselves during the State of the N...Published: 22 Feb 2015 at 15:26hrs | | by This n That with Maluphosa - Clerk Ndlovu
Most Pastors are in it for money and sex
There is a story about a pastor visiting some of his sheep one Saturday. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a ca...Published: 01 Feb 2015 at 13:31hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Galo-Yephuka!
My grandfather wrestled my grandmother's love from her heart via 'galo-yephuka'. This is nothing like a gun to your head, a knife to your throat or a spear to your heart but the panic is just like th...Published: 18 Jan 2015 at 11:30hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - And seven more came tumbling after
The Granami just drowned seven more non-believers. It is like a road-traffic carnage during the festive season. And there is a fear that more, less equal comrades are definitely going to follow. T...Published: 26 Dec 2014 at 11:07hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Christmas; Is it still Ho Ho Ho?
Anyone who still believes in those big old men with long, white beard, red work-suits, and over-sized gum-boots who appear on TV at this time of the years every year, going 'Ho Ho Ho, it's Christm...Published: 07 Dec 2014 at 11:37hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Izali Beula i-Sewula
A wise man one said a doctor's mistake is buried under ground while a teacher's mistake roams the streets. Having experienced both worlds as a health worker and a teacher, I would say the teacher ...Published: 27 Jul 2014 at 18:38hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Not necessarily a prophet
Picture this: a visibly pregnant woman, almost term, sits on a cansi in front of a very hysterical man who is obviously in some 'trance' – saying a lot of indecipherable speech. He is so emotion...Published: 16 Jun 2014 at 13:15hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Proud to be black
What is the connection between the following terms; ilahle, Lobengula, nswintila, gutsi? These have been used to define the darkest blacks in our societies. These are terms also used to insult thos...Published: 17 May 2014 at 16:14hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Ngeyethu!
Well, the verdict is out. The people of South Africa like Nkandla. The Nkandla that their President Jacob built. In his final rally at the FNB stadium, some say he was shouting "Nkandla!" and the mult...Published: 11 May 2014 at 17:02hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Mal'phosa - A beginner's definition of political terms
A teacher friend of mine sent me this test outcome which was written by one of his Form Three pupils. Like Mtasa asked one day at a rally in Mahole, Filabusi; 'Botitsha, abantwana libafundisani?'...Published: 07 May 2014 at 15:10hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa: Wot the scarabs!
The scarabs are in town. I am not talking about those brittle dung -ball rollers whose job is to clean the surrounding of all that is animal waste no. I am talking about those two legged belligerent o...Published: 17 Sep 2013 at 13:17hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Inter-tribal Marriages
As we queued patiently and let abantu bemzini vote ahead because they 'had come from afar', izakhamizi in front of us began an interesting argument. 'Ngokungo yere-yere! Ishit zabantu lezi.' 'Ye, abaf...Published: 28 Jul 2013 at 10:29hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - Emadlodlo 22
The two race horses are still literally sweating it out 45 minutes later. Phela ingoma zabazawethu are close to a hundred kilometres long each. One of them has taken off his tattered and torn shirt,...Published: 09 Jun 2013 at 07:15hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
This n that with Maluphosa:- Those derbies between Bosso and Chikwata
The Premier soccer league is just two games old, and from the black and white corner where I am writing, things look good so far. What with a hundred percent win rate from Highlanders! But Godlwayo te...Published: 04 Apr 2013 at 17:54hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu
This and that with Mal'phosa - That is not in the Bible
There are four women who 'haunt' Jourbert Park all day every Sunday. They take turns to preach to a passers-by congregation, shouting their lungs out and prancing and flapping like chickens trying to ...Published: 05 Mar 2013 at 14:49hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu
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