Opinion / Columnist
Desperation in Marriage-institutions: Zimbabwe is wholly conservative!
03 Apr 2017 at 09:08hrs | Views
Some iconic Journalist Haru Mutasa questioned the desperation of Zimbabwean women in their quest for marriage on twitter: to say it verbatim: Minister Jonathan Moyo replied the good journalist: Zimbabwe is a very conservative society and it s for this reason that women tend to identify themselves as "accepted people if they are married. Someone outside this social institute called marriage has no real respect accorded to her by the family and friends: considered rebels and sexually loose: Why are they not married?
Read the today's (Sunday) Bulawayo24 social media: "The man Mr. Carlton Ndlovu, married his face-book lover, Ms Sindisiwe Moyo at a Matshemhlophe venue last weekend while his wife Ms. Sibonisiwe Siwela was in the UK. According to Ms Sibongisiwe's Siwela's mother, Mrs. Gladys Siwela the two are still customarily married."
What has gone wrong with the women of Zimbabwe? If this man does not love Sibongisiwe, did HE need to be forced into a dysfunctional institute marriage ba his mother-in-law? If this man can cheat that much: what we read in the BYO24 was evidence of the man who is abusive, never came open to tell his customarily married woman he does not want her: let alone love her anymore. What message of desperation is Sibonisiwe Siwela imparting to her daughter? That Mrs. Gladys Siwela is some twisted mother-in-law indeed: what did she want to achieve by gate-crushing in a wedding where she is definitely not invited. Is this not evidence enough to establish where this absolute desperation of marriage institutions come from? Our mothers are the ones who are desperate equally. This man is insolent and abusive to his wife Sibongisiwe: the good question is, why go into those pains of winning his heart back if he can leave her in the UK and marry the woman he wants to marry.
Just yesterday: 1st of April 2017, MP Thokozani Khuphe was talking about the our theme we global women adopted on the 8th of March: "Bold for change" should be test book case to all of us global women: we should walk and talk what we say: never to remain as written scripts to put on display. Such desperation displayed by Sibonisiwe and her mother: never to take those bold actions and put her life together and move on, leaves us powerless. It could the action of one family, but its puts paid to all of us women. We are wholly affected by her desperation: a woman crying in such emotional wilderness makes all of women of colour powerless and helpless.
They say travelling is education: what has Sibonisiwe Siwela learnt in the UK? If she was in Zimbabwe we would understand: we were going to say; her desperation comes from the fact that a "bread winner at home" has left her vulnerable. But surely in a place like UK, where she can easily put her life together and learn to concentrate on her daughter and her mother Mrs. Gladys Siwela, there was no need whatsoever to chase a loveless man like Carlton Ndlovu.
Women do not know how much they are worth. We need to put a lot of emphasis on our selves first. That pride as women should never expose our emotional vulnerabilities. There is no respect chasing a loveless man, an abusive man: why not thank this man for giving her a child and move on. Life is better sometimes without an abusive man in the home. You have your peace of mind to bring up your child away from abuse. It is painful still to hear of the financial resources she poured on this man only to be abandoned: who knows the truth, must have left her in serious financial difficulties. You do not buy a man with money. If a man shows signs of cheating just once, know that there are so many issues around him you do not know, where he would have cheated you right-left-and-centre. Just by reading this article it is compelling to say that she left it too long to throw this man out of her life. What will the mother-in-law do if this son-in-law has shown absolute insolence of getting married there in Bulawayo-Matshemhlophe: affluent area whereby all and sundry knew about the grand wedding in the Metropolitan City of Queens and Kings.
The humiliation of her picture in hand-cuffs made my heart just sink to all time low. As a mother I felt them in my hands as well: she had to part with 10 dollars, mney she could have used at home well to make a good Sunday diner for her grand children. Mrs. Gladys Siwela let's not give men the importance they don't deserve. You let many other women down by those actions of gate-crushing in a wedding you were not invited to: if your daughter is empowered enough there was no need to chase a dead institution: an abusive husband and father to her growing up daughter.
There is a lot we have learnt from this episode, however embarrassing to all of us women. We must know how to bring up our girl-children. What values and wisdom should we impart to them, empower them so that they are not victims of devilish circumstances. Build confidence and self-esteem on our girls, tell them that married should come in only when they are in a position to look after themselves first. If a girl-child is empowered, men tend to respect such women, not all the time but in most cases. Let's tell our children to make the cakes for themselves: marriage should be the icing of the cake and never the foundation of it.
Our women should be in a position to know when the marriage institution is dysfunctional and when they should pack their belongings and go: then say: "I match out" and make life outside this abusive marriage. With all the diseases we have in our midst, never nurture an abusive, cheating husband. We have high femicide cases and in most cases the woman will have tolerated the unimaginable abuse: series and sequences of abuse.
In our Zimbabwe marriage is still considered a very prestigious event indeed. Our societies in all ethnic groups and societies are still very conservative. Pressure is put on young women to settle for marriage at all cost sometimes. According to Tabitha Mutenga, marriage has a prestigious: foremost a place in every girl's mind and it is normal for girls to dream about a romantic marriage and a beautiful white wedding day. She says this notion is supported by tradition and cultures in the land that attach such importance to social institution marriage. Men and women who are unmarried are considered incomplete and for generations there were songs sung to denigrate unmarried people and that put pressure on them to get married. She said.
It is in this context that a woman will put up with humiliating episodes at home: the more she is abused the more respect is attached to her: women who bare it all in the marriage are a sign of a good woman. They will settle with anything called a man, and they will take any abuse at the cost of their lives sometimes: to sustain the abusive marriage: and continue to be looked up, respected as decent married women: she said. Our girl-children should end this nonsense: when a young woman is empowered it is unlikely she will take in any nonsense and abuse from men-folk. Let's educate our girl-children and impart sustainable values that give them decency in themselves first and foremost.
Read the today's (Sunday) Bulawayo24 social media: "The man Mr. Carlton Ndlovu, married his face-book lover, Ms Sindisiwe Moyo at a Matshemhlophe venue last weekend while his wife Ms. Sibonisiwe Siwela was in the UK. According to Ms Sibongisiwe's Siwela's mother, Mrs. Gladys Siwela the two are still customarily married."
What has gone wrong with the women of Zimbabwe? If this man does not love Sibongisiwe, did HE need to be forced into a dysfunctional institute marriage ba his mother-in-law? If this man can cheat that much: what we read in the BYO24 was evidence of the man who is abusive, never came open to tell his customarily married woman he does not want her: let alone love her anymore. What message of desperation is Sibonisiwe Siwela imparting to her daughter? That Mrs. Gladys Siwela is some twisted mother-in-law indeed: what did she want to achieve by gate-crushing in a wedding where she is definitely not invited. Is this not evidence enough to establish where this absolute desperation of marriage institutions come from? Our mothers are the ones who are desperate equally. This man is insolent and abusive to his wife Sibongisiwe: the good question is, why go into those pains of winning his heart back if he can leave her in the UK and marry the woman he wants to marry.
Just yesterday: 1st of April 2017, MP Thokozani Khuphe was talking about the our theme we global women adopted on the 8th of March: "Bold for change" should be test book case to all of us global women: we should walk and talk what we say: never to remain as written scripts to put on display. Such desperation displayed by Sibonisiwe and her mother: never to take those bold actions and put her life together and move on, leaves us powerless. It could the action of one family, but its puts paid to all of us women. We are wholly affected by her desperation: a woman crying in such emotional wilderness makes all of women of colour powerless and helpless.
They say travelling is education: what has Sibonisiwe Siwela learnt in the UK? If she was in Zimbabwe we would understand: we were going to say; her desperation comes from the fact that a "bread winner at home" has left her vulnerable. But surely in a place like UK, where she can easily put her life together and learn to concentrate on her daughter and her mother Mrs. Gladys Siwela, there was no need whatsoever to chase a loveless man like Carlton Ndlovu.
Women do not know how much they are worth. We need to put a lot of emphasis on our selves first. That pride as women should never expose our emotional vulnerabilities. There is no respect chasing a loveless man, an abusive man: why not thank this man for giving her a child and move on. Life is better sometimes without an abusive man in the home. You have your peace of mind to bring up your child away from abuse. It is painful still to hear of the financial resources she poured on this man only to be abandoned: who knows the truth, must have left her in serious financial difficulties. You do not buy a man with money. If a man shows signs of cheating just once, know that there are so many issues around him you do not know, where he would have cheated you right-left-and-centre. Just by reading this article it is compelling to say that she left it too long to throw this man out of her life. What will the mother-in-law do if this son-in-law has shown absolute insolence of getting married there in Bulawayo-Matshemhlophe: affluent area whereby all and sundry knew about the grand wedding in the Metropolitan City of Queens and Kings.
The humiliation of her picture in hand-cuffs made my heart just sink to all time low. As a mother I felt them in my hands as well: she had to part with 10 dollars, mney she could have used at home well to make a good Sunday diner for her grand children. Mrs. Gladys Siwela let's not give men the importance they don't deserve. You let many other women down by those actions of gate-crushing in a wedding you were not invited to: if your daughter is empowered enough there was no need to chase a dead institution: an abusive husband and father to her growing up daughter.
There is a lot we have learnt from this episode, however embarrassing to all of us women. We must know how to bring up our girl-children. What values and wisdom should we impart to them, empower them so that they are not victims of devilish circumstances. Build confidence and self-esteem on our girls, tell them that married should come in only when they are in a position to look after themselves first. If a girl-child is empowered, men tend to respect such women, not all the time but in most cases. Let's tell our children to make the cakes for themselves: marriage should be the icing of the cake and never the foundation of it.
Our women should be in a position to know when the marriage institution is dysfunctional and when they should pack their belongings and go: then say: "I match out" and make life outside this abusive marriage. With all the diseases we have in our midst, never nurture an abusive, cheating husband. We have high femicide cases and in most cases the woman will have tolerated the unimaginable abuse: series and sequences of abuse.
In our Zimbabwe marriage is still considered a very prestigious event indeed. Our societies in all ethnic groups and societies are still very conservative. Pressure is put on young women to settle for marriage at all cost sometimes. According to Tabitha Mutenga, marriage has a prestigious: foremost a place in every girl's mind and it is normal for girls to dream about a romantic marriage and a beautiful white wedding day. She says this notion is supported by tradition and cultures in the land that attach such importance to social institution marriage. Men and women who are unmarried are considered incomplete and for generations there were songs sung to denigrate unmarried people and that put pressure on them to get married. She said.
It is in this context that a woman will put up with humiliating episodes at home: the more she is abused the more respect is attached to her: women who bare it all in the marriage are a sign of a good woman. They will settle with anything called a man, and they will take any abuse at the cost of their lives sometimes: to sustain the abusive marriage: and continue to be looked up, respected as decent married women: she said. Our girl-children should end this nonsense: when a young woman is empowered it is unlikely she will take in any nonsense and abuse from men-folk. Let's educate our girl-children and impart sustainable values that give them decency in themselves first and foremost.
Source - Nomazulu Thata
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