Sex, finances and relatives

Divorce cases seem to be on the increase, they are taking over media spaces.

Children are being sired in adulterous affairs.ivorce cases seem to be on the increase, they are taking over media spaces.

In tragic cases where cheated spouses fail to handle the emotional pain; crimes of passion, murder included, have been committed.

However, people still treasure the marriage institution. Some couples have stuck together for years and celebrate their marriage anniversaries in style.

Overseers Cosmas and Angeline Chabarwa will be celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary on Saturday.

The couple shared their thoughts on what makes and breaks a marriage.

They concurred that issues to do with finance, sex and relatives influence marriages.

"If finances are not managed well, people divorce.

"For example I cater for the needs of my wife's relatives while she does the same thing for mine.

"So many men think their wives send more money to their relatives but with such an arrangement as ours, problems like that do not arise. No one will complain that their relatives are not being taken care of," Overseer Chabarwa said.

Conflicts can be the day if the couples' relatives do not know how to tow the line.

"When I married I summoned my family and told them I had found them a mother whom they would consult if they needed anything," Overseer Chabarwa said.

"Some husbands work closely with their relatives, leaving the wife out. She will feel like she does not belong with them and it becomes a problem," he said.

Issues to do with equal rights, a pursuit for various freedoms and women empowerment did not confront yesteryear marriages.

Overseer Angeline, who came from a wealthy family, said these aspects have become the greatest downfall for married couples, especially the young ones.

"Chief among the mistakes I made as a young wife was being stubborn and not wanting to comply with what the husband wanted. I don't know what happens when you have just married, you think you are twins so no one should tell you what to do.

"So when you fail to submit it takes time for you to understand each other. Then you see Satan where there is no Satan.

"The problem with young women of today is failing to submit.

"The other problem is when you consider that you earn more than the husband, you are more educated or come from a wealth family; then it becomes a problem.

"Marriages continue to function if you don't always consider your partner's mistakes. The best way is to work on yourself to become a good partner.

"It requires work for two strangers to get to a level of understanding, living with each other. It takes time and having a learning spirit," she said.

While many resort to churches in search of a ‘well-mannered' potential spouse, it is in these places where significant divorces have been recorded too in recent times.

Overseer Chabarwa said the church had become a place where people with various motives are converging, to the detriment of true believers.

"It's not everyone in church who is fully committed to the word.

"We have people who come just to search for a person to marry. If only people would come, listen and believe what they were taught. I told my wife that I was not rich and I didn't have much to offer. So we got married with her fully aware of that.

"Most young men lie that they come from rich backgrounds, only for the girl to discover after marriage that the spouse is in serious debt. And then he doesn't admit his wrong doings but still want to continue as if it is all normal," posited Overseer Chabarwa.

He added that faithfulness is an essential ingredient in any marriage.

"This is the first and last woman I proposed to since we wedded. She knows I don't go anywhere without her knowledge.

"I don't have friends or relatives she doesn't know.

"Most young people lie and have extra-marital affairs."

The couple concurred on the critical role of counselling, exercising patience towards one another and forgiveness.

"Counselling teaches you to make your partner happy. For 40 years we have had arguments but none of us has said they were going back to their parents' home," Overseer Chabarwa said.

"The teachings that people are getting on television programmes are also causing problems.

"Having a teachable spirit is key. However the big secret is a home built by God. We can do everything but the power of God sustains a marriage. Thanks to our spiritual parents, Apostles Ezekiel and Eunor Guti.

"They are great teachers and live a life that you respect and learn from," Overseer Angeline said.

The couple is blessed with three children and eight grandchildren.