Xtreme Opinion - Sweet life after death (of Zanu-PF)!

In Zimbabwe, it is taboo to discuss one's inevitable death, let alone celebrating prospective demise of another being. Death is so much loathed. Those 'permitted' to predict it are a thrifty few who are accorded 'unique' status in society. In this category of 'death-wishers' we find false prophets, armed robbers, drug lords, doctors of terminally ill patients, extreme religious fundamentalists, car jackers, witches, undertakers and of course, political assassins. Ironically, most Christian faiths - including my Seventh-Day Adventist Church [Adventists] - habitually preach not just about death, but also life thereafter. However, the Adventists post-life doctrine is dismissive of classical African belief that spirits of dead elders linger protectively over the welfare of their living offspring. Nonetheless, there is evidence in both Old and New Testaments of some crude post-death 'activity' e.g. Samuel's 'appearance' to Soul and also Christ's famous 'today, I shall be with you in paradise' statement at the cross. Adventists insist post-death life that does not conform to divine supervision at Christ's Second Coming is at best a misinterpretation of the Lutheran belief in psychosomnolence and thnetopsychism mortalism.

I have neither ecclesiastic nor pastoral expertise; I only wish to observe strange reality how death of some ideologies endow we the living with more blissful life! In fact, the extreme end of this intelligent prognosis is that we are engulfed in gleeful anticipation of someone's demise, to the point of shameless obscenity! As Zimbabwe's new democratic algorithm portrays a slow, painful and inevitable death of Zanu-PF, I cannot wait to celebrate true freedom. My excitement tempts me to be verbose, yet I will exercise editorial restraint in order to conserve your valuable time.

Just the prospect of waking up one morning in December 2013 to a 'Dead'BC news reader say: "the former ruling party, Zanu-PF has …" would be to me a scintillating taste of true freedom. This party has choked our political lives for almost forty years â€" albeit poisoned with coercion, violence, and false promises. By the end of 2014, thousands of Gukurahundi victims will have been compensated, this coming after a carnival like 'post-election' independence celebration. The only 'violence' will be associated with excessive alcohol consumption to celebrate an historic national MDC presidency!

The overdue demise of Zanu-PF will result in massive investment capital injection and thousands of new jobs. All property rights will be restored as diamond money lubricates construction of modern freeways, excess electricity capacity and bullet trains. Our airports and borders will operate full throttle, millions of Zimbabweans scrambling back home and pouring 'Diaspora bonds' into an overheated banking sector. Zimbabwe will regain its bread basket status as supermarkets fill up with foods manufactured in Bulawayo and Harare. For the first time in post- Zanu-PF history, The Warriors will qualify for the FIFA World Cup since we will have rid local soccer of political ZIFA!

Apart from ten daily newspapers, twenty weeklies and forty monthly magazines published locally, I will have a choice of one hundred and twenty private and community radio stations. Every growth point will boast a twenty-four hour shopping service, a three star hotel and a community centre equipped with free Wi-Fi.

By the end of 2014, all citizens will have unrestricted equal access to justice and friendly police who don't arrest innocent women. Nobody will be on death row and each prison cell will accommodate a maximum of two mates, with access to running water, enclosed toilet and three daily meals. It has never been so good to look forward the death of a pre-historic political institution!