Opinion / Columnist
Girlie talk with Sis Noe
27 Aug 2012 at 03:58hrs | Views
Hi Sis Noe
I met this girl on one of the social networks and we fell in love. She's from Kenya. At first I was doing it for fun, but hey sister, this girl always tells me that she will never leave me, in fact, she loves me and me only. I have tried all the tricks to leave her in the past, but she always begs me not to leave her. I am thinking maybe she is the one for me or is she just trying to escape Kenya's poverty? Please, what steps should I take now considering that she's Kenyan and I am Zimbabwean? Won't our cultures clash? She wants to visit next month. - Help.
Reply
If you love her then give it a try. There is nothing wrong with that. Love does not have a formula and it has no guarantees. You can be disappointed by a Zimbabwean girl, someone who is near you. In other words, I am saying love is about risking. There is nothing wrong with you visiting her and her visiting you. In fact, it is a necessity for you to find out whether your love is internet-based or you really have developed a strong bond that is both emotional and physical. You might find out that she is Mrs Right or that your relationship was nothing but a farce. If you are both mature the issue of culture would not be a problem. It's about taking what's good in the Kenyan culture and what's good in the Zimbabwean culture to create a whole new culture that is unique to the two of you. Good luck. Remember, you cannot get anything without risking!
Hi Sis Noe
I am 19 years and I want to know if period pains can sometimes make one infertile. I have serious stomach cramps that I can't even walk straight and I clot a lot that there are lumps of blood that come out with menstrual blood. I am worried and scared. - Worried.
Reply
Menstrual blood clots are a part of the whole menstruation process and are termed as a normal occurrence. The causes of menstrual blood clots are actually the body's way of naturally controlling the bleeding. This is a very complicated process that helps fibrin to form a matrix. When the blood pools inside the uterus, it develops clots. If this blood is passed outside in the form of menstruation blood, the formation of clots is less. If the blood is bright red, it has been shed out quickly from the body. The darker the blood colour, the longer it will take to come out of the body. This leads to the formation of menstrual blood clots. However, if you experience large blood clots during menstruation, that are larger than a two rand coin, you should speak to the doctor. Frequent blood clots passed during the day are also a cause for concern. If you experience large blood blots during menstruation for the first time, you should see the doctor and discuss these problems. To ease your worries, painful periods do not affect fertility. In fact, for most patients, regular painful periods usually signal ovulatory cycles. However, progressively worsening pain during periods (especially when this is accompanied by pain during sex) may mean you have endometriosis.
Hi Sis Noe
I think I am pregnant and I want to buy a pregnancy test kit to be absolutely sure but I don't know how to use it. - Help.
Reply
It comes with instructions and its very user- friendly. But you must be careful when handling the pregnancy test kit to help ensure more accurate results. When you are ready to test, first read the directions carefully because they may be different from brand to brand. Wash your hands with warm water and soap. Remove the testing device from its foil wrapper. Sit on the toilet pan. Depending on the particular test, you should urinate in the collection cup or pee directly onto the stick. Some tests will give you the option to collect your urine either way. It is important to catch a "midstream sample''. This means that you should let out a little bit of urine first, and then use the rest of your urine for the test. If the test requires you to pee directly onto a stick, place the absorbent tip side of the test stick in your urine stream with the "result window'' facing up and pee on it for about 5-10 seconds (or whatever time is indicated in the directions).
If you have collected your urine in a cup, use the supplied dropper to place a small sample in a testing well. If your test did not provide a dropper and indicated that you could test from a collection cup, dip the absorbent end of the pregnancy test into the cup of urine and hold in place for 5-10 seconds (or whatever time frame stated in the directions). Place the testing stick on a flat, dry surface with the "result window'' facing up. Wait the time frame indicated in the instructions for the results to appear (this can be anywhere from one minute to five minutes - though research has shown that some home pregnancy tests can take up to 10 minutes to yield an accurate result).
While the test is analysing the urine, there will most likely be a control window. You will probably see the background in the control window get darker as the urine passes through. Most control windows will display a line or symbol to indicate that the test is valid. If this control indicator does not appear, chances are very likely that the test is not valid or did not function properly. Once the amount of time specified has passed, you can check the results. Usually in a separate window (although the result can show up in the same window).
If you are pregnant you may see a pink or blue line, a red plus or minus sign, a colour change in the window or the urine in the test may change colour, or the words pregnant or not pregnant. Keep in mind that the different tests may display the results differently, so make sure you read in the instructions what shape or symbol you should be looking for. If the test reveals a negative result and you do not get your period, you should retest in a couple more days or a week to make sure that you did not receive a false-negative result.
Since the amount of hCG increases rapidly when you are pregnant, you may end up with a positive test if you test a few days later. This is why some pregnancy test kits come with more than one test, so you have an additional one to re-test with. It is a wise idea not to presume that a negative result means you are not pregnant (especially if you have taken the test anytime before seven days after your missed period). If, after waiting a week, you still have not gotten your period or a positive test result, you should see a doctor or nurse to determine what may be going on. If you receive a positive test result, it is important that you make a medical at your nearest clinic to confirm the result.
Hi Sis Noe
I am totally in love; the problem is I'm in love with a very rich girl and I'm not. She has her own money but she is 21 and I'm 22. She seems like a good person but I didn't know she is that rich. She seems to care so much but I'm afraid. Does she really love me because hmmmmm sis, we are two different classes? She is rich and I'm not. She spent the whole week last week in SA, she went there using a plane just imagine. - Intimidated.
Reply
It is all about confidence - there is a reason why this girl chose you above rich guys. She sees something special in you. Other guys get intimidated because she comes from a rich family but you don't and that is what makes you attractive to her. If you start showing signs of insecurity you will lose her, she will leave you. Keep your head high, concentrate on loving her and forget about her status. It's her parents' money not hers anyway. Do not ever try to compete with her because you will burn out trying, do not buy her expensive stuff (she already has them anyway and does not need them).
If you are to buy her anything buy her a necklace or a bracelet. It's the thought that counts not the size of the gift. Do not take he to restaurants, clubs and movies - other guys do that and that won't leave a lasting impression. Take her to the museum, it's cheaper but very romantic. Go to nature places like Hillside Dams. Be unique. Never mention her money; never ask for money, if she wants to spend cash on you she will. Just keep your sight on the loving and I tell you, she will love you more.
Hi Sis Noe
Last month I discovered my husband was cheating on me. It broke my heart so much. He apologised but I don't trust him anymore. He says it won't happen again? Will I ever be happy with him again and how can I forgive and forget? - Cheated.
Reply
Thank you so much for asking this very important question that I know will touch many people's lives when it comes to forgiving anyone about anything. Forgiveness is the only way for anyone to truly move on with their life after any hurtful situation. I also want to mention that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean keeping the person that hurt you in your life; even if you leave someone it is necessary to forgive in order to remove the heaviness from one's heart.
So much for forgiveness in general, let me speak to your situation. Forgiveness is not an easy road and it requires a lot of self-examination. This is because the hurt, resentment, and all other ill-feelings are inside you; therefore, looking at anything outside you won't help. Since I can't know exactly all the emotions that you are feeling, I will have to use examples with some of the most common emotions and thoughts that clients in your situation have expressed to me.
This first thing is about forgiving yourself - which is due to most women feeling that they are to blame for their husband cheating. Something almost each client has expressed is feeling inadequate and wondering what they did wrong or what was wrong with them. This feeling of inadequacy usually stems from our insecurities about ourselves. A woman will look at what she is uncomfortable with such as her body, age, personality, etc and believe that one or all of what she is insecure about was the reason her husband strayed.
To move past this particular feeling, YOU must come to an understand that your husband didn't cheat because of YOU. No one does anything because of anyone else. Whether he didn't have the self-control to resist or he is acting out because of his own insecurities, his manhood, inability to ask YOU what YOU really want, etc, it is never about YOU.
With that point of understanding, YOU must still forgive yourself for any flaws YOU feel YOU have. YOU must recognise that it is not YOUR duty to be perfect in any way, shape or form and that no human being is.
As you explore your emotions and realise that they are all about your beliefs about yourself and life it slowly lessens all the negative feelings you are now holding inside and you start eliminating the blame. This is how it becomes easier to forgive.
When there is no longer any blame and you have no ill-feelings, forgiveness is possible. Again, this is not an easy process and it takes time - it does not happen overnight. Even though you work through an emotion once does not mean it is done with - the same emotion will tend to come back with a different "because'' answer. What this means is that the emotions you are feeling will repeat themselves. This process is best done within counselling. I wish you all the best with this long and very worthy process.
It is important for YOU to know that -
1 The process of forgiveness can only be started after you have worked through your own feelings. In this case those feelings are probably anger and grief.
2 If you have decided to stay within the relationship, the act of forgiveness does suggest approval.
3 To forgive is to give yourself freedom. When we dwell on our pain we risk damaging our physical health, our mental well-being, and we risk it eating away at us spiritually.
4 It is important that once you have started to forgive that you do not use your husband's cheating as a weapon. You cannot keep throwing this act back at him. If you do this then it is a sign that you have not forgiven him.
5 The act of forgiveness is a gesture towards the healing of yourself and will allow your relationship to start growing again.
I met this girl on one of the social networks and we fell in love. She's from Kenya. At first I was doing it for fun, but hey sister, this girl always tells me that she will never leave me, in fact, she loves me and me only. I have tried all the tricks to leave her in the past, but she always begs me not to leave her. I am thinking maybe she is the one for me or is she just trying to escape Kenya's poverty? Please, what steps should I take now considering that she's Kenyan and I am Zimbabwean? Won't our cultures clash? She wants to visit next month. - Help.
Reply
If you love her then give it a try. There is nothing wrong with that. Love does not have a formula and it has no guarantees. You can be disappointed by a Zimbabwean girl, someone who is near you. In other words, I am saying love is about risking. There is nothing wrong with you visiting her and her visiting you. In fact, it is a necessity for you to find out whether your love is internet-based or you really have developed a strong bond that is both emotional and physical. You might find out that she is Mrs Right or that your relationship was nothing but a farce. If you are both mature the issue of culture would not be a problem. It's about taking what's good in the Kenyan culture and what's good in the Zimbabwean culture to create a whole new culture that is unique to the two of you. Good luck. Remember, you cannot get anything without risking!
Hi Sis Noe
I am 19 years and I want to know if period pains can sometimes make one infertile. I have serious stomach cramps that I can't even walk straight and I clot a lot that there are lumps of blood that come out with menstrual blood. I am worried and scared. - Worried.
Reply
Menstrual blood clots are a part of the whole menstruation process and are termed as a normal occurrence. The causes of menstrual blood clots are actually the body's way of naturally controlling the bleeding. This is a very complicated process that helps fibrin to form a matrix. When the blood pools inside the uterus, it develops clots. If this blood is passed outside in the form of menstruation blood, the formation of clots is less. If the blood is bright red, it has been shed out quickly from the body. The darker the blood colour, the longer it will take to come out of the body. This leads to the formation of menstrual blood clots. However, if you experience large blood clots during menstruation, that are larger than a two rand coin, you should speak to the doctor. Frequent blood clots passed during the day are also a cause for concern. If you experience large blood blots during menstruation for the first time, you should see the doctor and discuss these problems. To ease your worries, painful periods do not affect fertility. In fact, for most patients, regular painful periods usually signal ovulatory cycles. However, progressively worsening pain during periods (especially when this is accompanied by pain during sex) may mean you have endometriosis.
Hi Sis Noe
I think I am pregnant and I want to buy a pregnancy test kit to be absolutely sure but I don't know how to use it. - Help.
Reply
It comes with instructions and its very user- friendly. But you must be careful when handling the pregnancy test kit to help ensure more accurate results. When you are ready to test, first read the directions carefully because they may be different from brand to brand. Wash your hands with warm water and soap. Remove the testing device from its foil wrapper. Sit on the toilet pan. Depending on the particular test, you should urinate in the collection cup or pee directly onto the stick. Some tests will give you the option to collect your urine either way. It is important to catch a "midstream sample''. This means that you should let out a little bit of urine first, and then use the rest of your urine for the test. If the test requires you to pee directly onto a stick, place the absorbent tip side of the test stick in your urine stream with the "result window'' facing up and pee on it for about 5-10 seconds (or whatever time is indicated in the directions).
If you have collected your urine in a cup, use the supplied dropper to place a small sample in a testing well. If your test did not provide a dropper and indicated that you could test from a collection cup, dip the absorbent end of the pregnancy test into the cup of urine and hold in place for 5-10 seconds (or whatever time frame stated in the directions). Place the testing stick on a flat, dry surface with the "result window'' facing up. Wait the time frame indicated in the instructions for the results to appear (this can be anywhere from one minute to five minutes - though research has shown that some home pregnancy tests can take up to 10 minutes to yield an accurate result).
While the test is analysing the urine, there will most likely be a control window. You will probably see the background in the control window get darker as the urine passes through. Most control windows will display a line or symbol to indicate that the test is valid. If this control indicator does not appear, chances are very likely that the test is not valid or did not function properly. Once the amount of time specified has passed, you can check the results. Usually in a separate window (although the result can show up in the same window).
If you are pregnant you may see a pink or blue line, a red plus or minus sign, a colour change in the window or the urine in the test may change colour, or the words pregnant or not pregnant. Keep in mind that the different tests may display the results differently, so make sure you read in the instructions what shape or symbol you should be looking for. If the test reveals a negative result and you do not get your period, you should retest in a couple more days or a week to make sure that you did not receive a false-negative result.
Since the amount of hCG increases rapidly when you are pregnant, you may end up with a positive test if you test a few days later. This is why some pregnancy test kits come with more than one test, so you have an additional one to re-test with. It is a wise idea not to presume that a negative result means you are not pregnant (especially if you have taken the test anytime before seven days after your missed period). If, after waiting a week, you still have not gotten your period or a positive test result, you should see a doctor or nurse to determine what may be going on. If you receive a positive test result, it is important that you make a medical at your nearest clinic to confirm the result.
Hi Sis Noe
I am totally in love; the problem is I'm in love with a very rich girl and I'm not. She has her own money but she is 21 and I'm 22. She seems like a good person but I didn't know she is that rich. She seems to care so much but I'm afraid. Does she really love me because hmmmmm sis, we are two different classes? She is rich and I'm not. She spent the whole week last week in SA, she went there using a plane just imagine. - Intimidated.
Reply
It is all about confidence - there is a reason why this girl chose you above rich guys. She sees something special in you. Other guys get intimidated because she comes from a rich family but you don't and that is what makes you attractive to her. If you start showing signs of insecurity you will lose her, she will leave you. Keep your head high, concentrate on loving her and forget about her status. It's her parents' money not hers anyway. Do not ever try to compete with her because you will burn out trying, do not buy her expensive stuff (she already has them anyway and does not need them).
If you are to buy her anything buy her a necklace or a bracelet. It's the thought that counts not the size of the gift. Do not take he to restaurants, clubs and movies - other guys do that and that won't leave a lasting impression. Take her to the museum, it's cheaper but very romantic. Go to nature places like Hillside Dams. Be unique. Never mention her money; never ask for money, if she wants to spend cash on you she will. Just keep your sight on the loving and I tell you, she will love you more.
Hi Sis Noe
Last month I discovered my husband was cheating on me. It broke my heart so much. He apologised but I don't trust him anymore. He says it won't happen again? Will I ever be happy with him again and how can I forgive and forget? - Cheated.
Reply
Thank you so much for asking this very important question that I know will touch many people's lives when it comes to forgiving anyone about anything. Forgiveness is the only way for anyone to truly move on with their life after any hurtful situation. I also want to mention that forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean keeping the person that hurt you in your life; even if you leave someone it is necessary to forgive in order to remove the heaviness from one's heart.
So much for forgiveness in general, let me speak to your situation. Forgiveness is not an easy road and it requires a lot of self-examination. This is because the hurt, resentment, and all other ill-feelings are inside you; therefore, looking at anything outside you won't help. Since I can't know exactly all the emotions that you are feeling, I will have to use examples with some of the most common emotions and thoughts that clients in your situation have expressed to me.
This first thing is about forgiving yourself - which is due to most women feeling that they are to blame for their husband cheating. Something almost each client has expressed is feeling inadequate and wondering what they did wrong or what was wrong with them. This feeling of inadequacy usually stems from our insecurities about ourselves. A woman will look at what she is uncomfortable with such as her body, age, personality, etc and believe that one or all of what she is insecure about was the reason her husband strayed.
To move past this particular feeling, YOU must come to an understand that your husband didn't cheat because of YOU. No one does anything because of anyone else. Whether he didn't have the self-control to resist or he is acting out because of his own insecurities, his manhood, inability to ask YOU what YOU really want, etc, it is never about YOU.
With that point of understanding, YOU must still forgive yourself for any flaws YOU feel YOU have. YOU must recognise that it is not YOUR duty to be perfect in any way, shape or form and that no human being is.
As you explore your emotions and realise that they are all about your beliefs about yourself and life it slowly lessens all the negative feelings you are now holding inside and you start eliminating the blame. This is how it becomes easier to forgive.
When there is no longer any blame and you have no ill-feelings, forgiveness is possible. Again, this is not an easy process and it takes time - it does not happen overnight. Even though you work through an emotion once does not mean it is done with - the same emotion will tend to come back with a different "because'' answer. What this means is that the emotions you are feeling will repeat themselves. This process is best done within counselling. I wish you all the best with this long and very worthy process.
It is important for YOU to know that -
1 The process of forgiveness can only be started after you have worked through your own feelings. In this case those feelings are probably anger and grief.
2 If you have decided to stay within the relationship, the act of forgiveness does suggest approval.
3 To forgive is to give yourself freedom. When we dwell on our pain we risk damaging our physical health, our mental well-being, and we risk it eating away at us spiritually.
4 It is important that once you have started to forgive that you do not use your husband's cheating as a weapon. You cannot keep throwing this act back at him. If you do this then it is a sign that you have not forgiven him.
5 The act of forgiveness is a gesture towards the healing of yourself and will allow your relationship to start growing again.
Source - zimpapers
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