This and that with Mal'phosa - And seven more came tumbling after

The Granami just drowned seven more non-believers. It is like a road-traffic carnage during the festive season. And there is a fear that more, less equal comrades are definitely going to follow. The mishap reads like that nineties anti-aids advert; Peter slept with Sarah, who had slept with James, who had slept with Flora, who had slept with Themba, who had slept with JB. Unfortunately, JB had Aids. Like wise this Joice virus is going to sweep the house clean. All the casualties will be buried in the dust-bins of political history - no body viewing necessary! We have seen many miraculously come, go, come again, go again - being recycled like glass products in this brittle relationship called jobs for comrades. Ask the Professor or Mavhaire.

My own President, His Excellency Doctor Dumiso Dabengwa, has been in and out and in and out again of government, at the whims of the King. And if these other twenty plus can not resurface as MPs, at least they might come back as ministers of some intricate, meaningless and funny ministry, like that of Climate or Psychomotor. Many feel we should have a Ministry of Fried chicken And Chicken Products, or Ministry of Beds, Bedrooms and Bedroom Activities, or Ministry of Boxing and Street fights. All these will definitely have proper job descriptions – more proper than that of Climate or Psychomotor! Offices, staff, cars, stationery, salaries – for Ministry of Psychology or Climate? Bayabe besenzani?

There is another Ministry which was used to castrate Father Zimbabwe; Minister without Portfolio. A man of Mdala's political stature? But now I think Jonathan Moyo will excel as Minister without Portfolio. He is a bamba-zonke, like a house-fly. And like a house-fly, he is annoying with his meaningless and incessant buzz - always wanting to defend this rubbish or attack this good-will. There are times I think he has gained so much from lying; to him it has become a full-time job – a way of adaptation or survival. In the process, he is 'always right' and all those on the other side of the fence must be guillotined by the devil himself.

But liars, almost all of them, are fond of insulting anyone who does not believe their glaring lies. It's either you believe me or fusek! And like most liars, he has neither regard nor respect for other people's feelings and thoughts. And, like most liars, he wants to have the last say, even in matters that do not concern him. And like most liars, he believes what he says must never be challenged because it is the gospel truth. Some say he is simply singing for his supper. Singing may be; but definitely annoyingly too loud! And some say we are still in this political quagmire because of him. He performed a Lazarus on a party that the political doctors had already declared long dead.

But there is not a chance that the naughty seven will give a fight. They have already expressed their unwavering allegiance to the cause, whatever the cause is. It's clear why they do this; as Jonathan put it; 'It's cold out there.' This is what he said after he stood as an independent in the elections. After winning the confidence of the people as an independent, he dragged them back to the party which was then an anathema to both himself and the electorate, without even consulting his constituency. Someone said to me recently, 'Don't bother about this twisted bigot. He thinks this is the Stone Age; the world is just a jungle, and he is the king of that jungle. He thinks we should all cringe at his roar!' I almost believe this; he thinks his thoughts should be the law to be acquiesced, observed and obeyed to the letter. It's either his way or no way at all. He has mistaken his recklessness and uncouthness for intelligence.

Tongai Muzenda is amongst the seven latest victims of the Granami. Is he not related to the late vice president? Well, that doesn't count; he has sold out, according to the party constitution. Therefore there won't be a place for him at the heroes' acre. Still, the alternative for Muzenda is given by the computer as pudenda. Need I say more?

Chasi, or Chasm or Chased, is another one. He never saw the chasm that was developing between the king and his men. If he did, he chose the wrong side of the crevice. And so he was chased away from the revolutionary party, and transformed into a political skeleton. Kagonye, Ago, Agony, is agonizing wherever she is. She is 'ago'. She wanders in the political wilderness like an exorcised apparition.

Tendai Savanhu is another one who seemed like an untouchable. I thought he was such a loyal cadre of the party and disciple of the revolution? But well, he also lost focus of the cause – the bigger picture, the bigger picture being that no one covets the crown – ever!. A close friend calls him Ndai, which the computer interprets as nadir. Definitely, he has been thrown into the depths of political despair.

Bhuka or Buda – a self-explanatory shona term, is also gone. Hula, another alternative for her name, might mean that she is a political prostitute in the eyes of the true revolutionaries. Chimedza or chimera had a fantasy of the new kingdom, with him as the main man. Ding-dong he was wrong!

All in all, the boys and girls who have fallen from grace would make a formidable opposition if they had the courage. But, wait a minute; this will never cross their minds. Well, do they have any minds, and are those minds capable of thinking? Rugare has shown they do have some mind, or brains. Have you seen how he blazed his guns towards those who violated the constitution of the party – not of the state? I think if we lend him our ears he might blurt out a lot of secrets that might be hazardous to his life.

 Mtasa, too, has shown signs of amnesia; or is Alzheimer's? He has not only forgotten that Zimbabwe will never be a colony again by inviting SADC to interfere in the internal affairs of a sovereign state but also how he used to encourage violation of the constitution of the state by himself and his comrades during the last three decades. Having been declared a renegade by his former colleagues, he now remembers terms like '- - the will of the people?' Is it the will of the people to have geriatrics abuse them, and have the future of their children destroyed? Is it the will of the people to have Mtasa and his cohorts rule or misrule the country forever and a day? Is it the will of the people to protect an individual who, even in the face of natural death, still believes our women and children still admire him so much they will defend him with their miserable lives? Is it the will of the people to see personal squabbles bordering on greed, tribalism, regionalism and 'partiysm' take preference over the attempt to run the country with a semblance of sanity, just for once? Is it the will of the people to console one another with, '- - -don't worry about tomorrow - if God cares about the birds, how much more thina?' Even Adam was given work before marriage. Abantwabethu ke?

Yes, they have the minds but are not allowed to think as long as they still belong in the revolutionary party. I guess even on things that concern their private lives; they must consult, and get advice. If these rejects came together for a common cause, as the opposition, do you think they will do well? Unfortunately all of them never really represented anyone in their dealings as members of government. And on behalf of the rest of the populace, Ho Ho Ho - as this is your first ever Christmas as ordinary members of the society – with no bonuses, no body guards, no government perks or cars, no right to basic human rights, and no freedom of speech! Ho Ho Ho! Ngiyabonga mina!