Opinion / Columnist
Who gives a damn if they quit, Cdes?
17 Apr 2015 at 08:16hrs | Views
CABINET FILES AND CZ's NOTEBOOK
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, I laughed this week when I got the news that Morgan - who has never won any election in his whole political life - has decided to pull out elected members of his party from Parliament.This is in addition to browbeating members of the party's National Council last week into endorsing his harebrained resolution to boycott by-elections that arose after his party recalled those of its members who rebelled against his dictatorship.
So Morgan thinks he is fixing ZANU-PF if he pulls his barren legislators from Parliament? He thinks this country has been going on since 1980 because of MPs from his sell-out party? He thinks without them, we would be so stranded that we would go to him hat-in-armpit, to beg him to forgive us for whatever sins that he thinks we have committed against him? He thinks without him there would be no Zimbabwe. That without MDC-T there would be no democracy in this country? Well, he can go on dreaming. Our sages say no matter how much you feed a lizard, it will never grow to become a crocodile!
Instead of getting angry, I feel pity for this poor chap.
What he is doing is what our elders call kuramwira makudo munda … only a foolish farmer does that… but in this case it does not come as a surprise at all because the chap is the most foolish of all fools… the chairman of fools, if ever there is one!
No matter what trick he tries … threats or blackmail, nothing will change… if anything, he will lose even dismally.
I wonder why the fellow tries to appear so tough… after all these thumpings, if it were me, I would have done the most gentlemanly thing, and thrown in the towel.
Don't they say if you can't beat them, join them? Instead of continuing to embarrass himself, if Morgan had a modicum of sense, he would have long rejoined our great revolutionary party… especially at this juncture where there are so many vacancies in the party.
What Morgan does not know is that when we were fighting for this country we did it alone… he had fled… and after winning the war hands down, we ruled the country on our own. Through our magnanimity, we invited them to get a feel of what it is like to be in power.
Anyway, who are we to stop them from displaying their foolishness… they can go ahead and leave Parliament… we will happily take those seats up. To us it is a welcome good riddance to bad rubbish. How I wish they had boycotted the harmonised elections in the first place!
Meanwhile, I see that more and more members of the Gammatox cabal are being shown the door… though cruel or painful it may appear, it is something that has to be done… just like a surgical operation to remove a cancerous growth in the body.
Some of the people who have been dismissed from the party have been with us for several decades… I can't help but wonder how much of the party's regalia each had accumulated - including those colourful shirts and dresses with my portrait - and what they are going to do with them. Burn? Or they will retain them with the hope of being re-admitted into the party?
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
How far?
Dr CZ has been under immense pressure for some time from the multitude of his fans… they are asking him to please ask on their behalf how far has those high profile treason cases involving people who are standing accused of trying to topple our democratic government using unconstitutional means - including a plot to assassinate the President - could have gone by now. Several months ago, the patriotic State media gave details about these criminals, including voice records of self-incriminating conversations. Then there are also snowballing files on several criminal cases, mostly on corruption. It looks like Zimbabweans cannot wait for these criminals to pass through our highly competent courts on their way to join other friends at Chikurubi Maximum prison.
We sincerely hope and pray that these criminals would not be allowed to go scot-free because this could set a very dangerous precedence!
We wait patiently!
Super-patriot!
At the weekend Zimbos were shocked when Zimbabwe National Statistics Agency (ZimStat) boss, Cde Mutasa Dzinotizei, announced that the country's unemployment rate stands at a distressingly healthy 11,3 percent! This is official. Virtually all Zimbabweans are gainfully employed and those figures of 80-plus percent that we always see being bandied about are not just lies, but bloody lies by the country's cold-hearted detractors!
In fact, according to Cde Dzinotizei, this 11,3 percent is the figure for "strict unemployment", whereas "broad unemployment" actually stands at a negligible 4,8 percent?
From the patriotic method that Cde Dzinotizei & Co use to compile their sweet-heart statistics, anyone who gets some income in one way or the other, does not strictly qualify to be considered unemployed. These include vendors, commercial sex workers, beggars, pick-pockets, spivs (at the former Ximex Mall), rank marshals and the crews of illegal taxi operators, conmen, gold panners, various party youths rented to beat political opponents up… in fact, anyone and everyone who gets something - by legal or illegal means - at the end of the day.
Now we understand why companies are closing shop. There is no one to work for them because every Zimbo is too busy to seek formal employment!
Coincidentally, in January this year, Health Minister, Cde Dr David Parirenyatwa, told the media that 1,3 million people - about 10 percent of the population - live with some form of mental problem of one way or the other… in other words they are loonies. That figure more or less corresponds with the number of people who are unemployable. So one can roughly conclude that only mad people in Zimbabwe are the ones that are unemployed, otherwise there is no unemployment in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe Agenda for Sustainable Socio-Economic blueprint is doing wonders!
Kindly do not ask Dr CZ the tools that ZimStat uses to collect. It is the same data that is used internationally.
Patriots like Dr CZ are not impressed that there are some ungrateful Zimbos who have decided to choose not to take Cde Dzinotizei's digits not just with a large pinch, but with a whole bag, of salt.
Well, it's their own problem. Dr CZ actually has a patriotic suggestion… that Cde Dzinotizei be appointed super-minister with not less than seven (yes 7!) portfolios under his ambit… and Finance should certainly be one of those!
UnAfrican!
Some unAfrican things that happen in the world make many Zimbabweans very, very angry. And patriotic Zimbos have the self-righteous justification to feel so over these abominations! Okay what does Tanzanian President Jakaya Kikwete think he is doing by telling the world that he cannot wait to step down when his term of office ends later this year? What sort of behaviour is that?
Then Hellen Zille, the leader of South Africa's main opposition, the Democratic Alliance, announces that she will be stepping down as the leader of the party when her term ends next month. Can someone show this to Morgan Tsvangirai, please!
As if that is not enough, Namibia's brand new president, Hage Geingob - the third inside 25 years! - started his term by issuing a ban on foreign junkets by members of his Cabinet saying that they are not allowed to travel until they complete a thorough assessment and understand the scope of poverty and needs of the people across the nation.
"Ministers should first travel internally to the regions and familiarise themselves with the needs of our most impoverished citizens. Only once the Ministers understand the scope of poverty and the needs of our people will they be able to travel overseas and seek the necessary assistance and opportunities to help fight the war on the home front," President Geingob said in a statement to the media.
Imagine that happening in others parts of the world! Small wonder why we are having draughts and others unexplained misfortunes!
Unfair
A CZ fan this week complained that it is unfair for officials at the courts, especially the busy Magistrates' Court in Harare, to bar people - especially women - from entering the place on account that they are not dressed "decently".
Most lawyers who were quoted in the press said there was specifically no law defining how one should be attired when they visit the courts… all they could say was that one had to be dressed "decently." The question now is who should arrogate themselves the right to measure the degree of this thing called "decency" to the satisfaction of everyone?
In the past, we have seen rank marshals being hauled before the same courts after they had behaved unruly towards some women that, according to their own judgment, were dressed indecently.
Who is qualified to define which dressing is decent, and which one is not?
Dr CZ thinks this is grossly unfair. Even someone wearing overalls and gumboots should be allowed into that public place - suppose those are the only clothes that the person has? Do they have to suffer the indignity of asking for clothes from other people? If the person can come to the courts all the way from their home dressed like that, surely that means the dressing passes the decency test! Decency, just like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder.
Where are those noisy women groups?
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, I laughed this week when I got the news that Morgan - who has never won any election in his whole political life - has decided to pull out elected members of his party from Parliament.This is in addition to browbeating members of the party's National Council last week into endorsing his harebrained resolution to boycott by-elections that arose after his party recalled those of its members who rebelled against his dictatorship.
So Morgan thinks he is fixing ZANU-PF if he pulls his barren legislators from Parliament? He thinks this country has been going on since 1980 because of MPs from his sell-out party? He thinks without them, we would be so stranded that we would go to him hat-in-armpit, to beg him to forgive us for whatever sins that he thinks we have committed against him? He thinks without him there would be no Zimbabwe. That without MDC-T there would be no democracy in this country? Well, he can go on dreaming. Our sages say no matter how much you feed a lizard, it will never grow to become a crocodile!
Instead of getting angry, I feel pity for this poor chap.
What he is doing is what our elders call kuramwira makudo munda … only a foolish farmer does that… but in this case it does not come as a surprise at all because the chap is the most foolish of all fools… the chairman of fools, if ever there is one!
No matter what trick he tries … threats or blackmail, nothing will change… if anything, he will lose even dismally.
I wonder why the fellow tries to appear so tough… after all these thumpings, if it were me, I would have done the most gentlemanly thing, and thrown in the towel.
Don't they say if you can't beat them, join them? Instead of continuing to embarrass himself, if Morgan had a modicum of sense, he would have long rejoined our great revolutionary party… especially at this juncture where there are so many vacancies in the party.
What Morgan does not know is that when we were fighting for this country we did it alone… he had fled… and after winning the war hands down, we ruled the country on our own. Through our magnanimity, we invited them to get a feel of what it is like to be in power.
Anyway, who are we to stop them from displaying their foolishness… they can go ahead and leave Parliament… we will happily take those seats up. To us it is a welcome good riddance to bad rubbish. How I wish they had boycotted the harmonised elections in the first place!
Meanwhile, I see that more and more members of the Gammatox cabal are being shown the door… though cruel or painful it may appear, it is something that has to be done… just like a surgical operation to remove a cancerous growth in the body.
Some of the people who have been dismissed from the party have been with us for several decades… I can't help but wonder how much of the party's regalia each had accumulated - including those colourful shirts and dresses with my portrait - and what they are going to do with them. Burn? Or they will retain them with the hope of being re-admitted into the party?
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK
How far?
Dr CZ has been under immense pressure for some time from the multitude of his fans… they are asking him to please ask on their behalf how far has those high profile treason cases involving people who are standing accused of trying to topple our democratic government using unconstitutional means - including a plot to assassinate the President - could have gone by now. Several months ago, the patriotic State media gave details about these criminals, including voice records of self-incriminating conversations. Then there are also snowballing files on several criminal cases, mostly on corruption. It looks like Zimbabweans cannot wait for these criminals to pass through our highly competent courts on their way to join other friends at Chikurubi Maximum prison.
We sincerely hope and pray that these criminals would not be allowed to go scot-free because this could set a very dangerous precedence!
We wait patiently!
Super-patriot!
At the weekend Zimbos were shocked when Zimbabwe National Statistics Agency (ZimStat) boss, Cde Mutasa Dzinotizei, announced that the country's unemployment rate stands at a distressingly healthy 11,3 percent! This is official. Virtually all Zimbabweans are gainfully employed and those figures of 80-plus percent that we always see being bandied about are not just lies, but bloody lies by the country's cold-hearted detractors!
From the patriotic method that Cde Dzinotizei & Co use to compile their sweet-heart statistics, anyone who gets some income in one way or the other, does not strictly qualify to be considered unemployed. These include vendors, commercial sex workers, beggars, pick-pockets, spivs (at the former Ximex Mall), rank marshals and the crews of illegal taxi operators, conmen, gold panners, various party youths rented to beat political opponents up… in fact, anyone and everyone who gets something - by legal or illegal means - at the end of the day.
Now we understand why companies are closing shop. There is no one to work for them because every Zimbo is too busy to seek formal employment!
Coincidentally, in January this year, Health Minister, Cde Dr David Parirenyatwa, told the media that 1,3 million people - about 10 percent of the population - live with some form of mental problem of one way or the other… in other words they are loonies. That figure more or less corresponds with the number of people who are unemployable. So one can roughly conclude that only mad people in Zimbabwe are the ones that are unemployed, otherwise there is no unemployment in Zimbabwe. Zimbabwe Agenda for Sustainable Socio-Economic blueprint is doing wonders!
Kindly do not ask Dr CZ the tools that ZimStat uses to collect. It is the same data that is used internationally.
Patriots like Dr CZ are not impressed that there are some ungrateful Zimbos who have decided to choose not to take Cde Dzinotizei's digits not just with a large pinch, but with a whole bag, of salt.
Well, it's their own problem. Dr CZ actually has a patriotic suggestion… that Cde Dzinotizei be appointed super-minister with not less than seven (yes 7!) portfolios under his ambit… and Finance should certainly be one of those!
UnAfrican!
Some unAfrican things that happen in the world make many Zimbabweans very, very angry. And patriotic Zimbos have the self-righteous justification to feel so over these abominations! Okay what does Tanzanian President Jakaya Kikwete think he is doing by telling the world that he cannot wait to step down when his term of office ends later this year? What sort of behaviour is that?
Then Hellen Zille, the leader of South Africa's main opposition, the Democratic Alliance, announces that she will be stepping down as the leader of the party when her term ends next month. Can someone show this to Morgan Tsvangirai, please!
As if that is not enough, Namibia's brand new president, Hage Geingob - the third inside 25 years! - started his term by issuing a ban on foreign junkets by members of his Cabinet saying that they are not allowed to travel until they complete a thorough assessment and understand the scope of poverty and needs of the people across the nation.
"Ministers should first travel internally to the regions and familiarise themselves with the needs of our most impoverished citizens. Only once the Ministers understand the scope of poverty and the needs of our people will they be able to travel overseas and seek the necessary assistance and opportunities to help fight the war on the home front," President Geingob said in a statement to the media.
Imagine that happening in others parts of the world! Small wonder why we are having draughts and others unexplained misfortunes!
Unfair
A CZ fan this week complained that it is unfair for officials at the courts, especially the busy Magistrates' Court in Harare, to bar people - especially women - from entering the place on account that they are not dressed "decently".
Most lawyers who were quoted in the press said there was specifically no law defining how one should be attired when they visit the courts… all they could say was that one had to be dressed "decently." The question now is who should arrogate themselves the right to measure the degree of this thing called "decency" to the satisfaction of everyone?
In the past, we have seen rank marshals being hauled before the same courts after they had behaved unruly towards some women that, according to their own judgment, were dressed indecently.
Who is qualified to define which dressing is decent, and which one is not?
Dr CZ thinks this is grossly unfair. Even someone wearing overalls and gumboots should be allowed into that public place - suppose those are the only clothes that the person has? Do they have to suffer the indignity of asking for clothes from other people? If the person can come to the courts all the way from their home dressed like that, surely that means the dressing passes the decency test! Decency, just like beauty, is in the eyes of the beholder.
Where are those noisy women groups?
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
Source - fingaz
All articles and letters published on Bulawayo24 have been independently written by members of Bulawayo24's community. The views of users published on Bulawayo24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Bulawayo24. Bulawayo24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
