Opinion / Columnist
The 10-point plan will deliver, Cdes
03 Sep 2015 at 07:08hrs | Views
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, I think we have allowed anarchy to go unchecked in this country. Surely, how could those miscreants, the urchins and the scoundrels that constitute a token opposition be allowed to rein that supreme in the august House the way they did last week.
I should admit that I was really shocked that a country like ours that has a solid claim towards decency, still has such misfits as its "honourable" Members of Parliament. Now I understand why our Zim-Asset is not delivering the fruits … it is exactly because of those people. "Zanu-PF yaora, Zanu-PF yaora, blah, blah…" what was that all about?
They think the sanctions which they invited upon this nation will bring this indomitable Zanu-PF government down? They can continue dreaming, but that will not change the reality on the ground that this party is more popular than ever before and it shall rule until donkeys grow horns!
I am certain the British and their evil American cousins had sponsored those unemployable urchins to misbehave in Parliament the way they did.
Even in the run-up to the event, a petition on this Dzamara chap was brought up!
Instead of dignifying their mischief, I had no option but to leave the House because I couldn't withstand all that mischief. I could tell from their behaviour that the evil West was at work… and their Press rushed to rubbish our governing party's interventions that are meant to revive the country's economy. I am so used to this that I would have been surprised if those thugs had behaved differently. But I still had to leave because I certainly knew most of you would have lost your tempers and a big fight would have erupted, giving credence to their false claims that ours is a violent party.
Anyway, Zimbabwe will never be a colony again! The bottom line here is that the 10-point plan will certainly kick-start our Zim-Asset programme and the people will shortly be enjoying the sweet fruits of its bounteous harvest.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
…AND CZ's NOTEBOOK
Unforgivable!
Dr CZ was inconsolably dismayed when one of his fans brought it to his important attention press adverts being flighted in the media in which there is sadly one housing co-operative in Caledonia that is going by the deeply provocative name, Ray Kaukonde Housing Co-operative! We have no reason to doubt that efforts are already underway to correct this dangerous misnomer.
We know there are public institutions and places named after some people who have opted to be on the wrong side of history. Uncomfortably too many of them! Here is a patriotic suggestion… why not re-name all these after Dr CZ, the eponymous patriot who will never, ever be tricked by the devil and his British minions into selling his birthright for a few pieces of silver?
In the same vein, Dr CZ is reminded of this rumour doing the rounds in the capital that the famous Mbare Chimurenga Choir is now unable to belt out one of its favourite tunes, Ndikusetere Team, because only one of the once three-member strong team is left after John Nkomo dutifully answered the summons of the ancestors while Joice Mujuru donated herself to the enemies of this country. It is rumoured that in the unlikely event that the song cannot be changed to bring it in sync with the people's patriotic needs, it might be banned altogether. Not much of a bad good riddance, anyway!
We are reminded of a case in the 1960s when Ghana's founding father, Kwame Nkrumah - whom we have been hearing a lot about of late - named one of the streets in Accra after Zanu founding president Ndabaningi Sithole only for the later to miss the favour of the gods.
Well, George Orwell, the naughty author of The Animal Farm mischief might not have been wrong when he opened his essay Reflections on (Mahatma) Gandhi with the following statement: "Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent."
Ghana's founding father, Kwame Nkrumah
Historic
Last week, a historic event took place in this historic country. God's extreme miracles came into contact. One of the world's tallest chaps, Billal Hyder from Pakistan was in Harare for a week long date with Zimbabweans, one of the world's strangest people. (Kindly do not ask Dr CZ about all the other statistical measurements about this long - sorry, tall-chap!). The point here is that it was one of those rare cases in which the baffling wonders of this world came together to jointly thank God and the gods in a wild celebration of their uniqueness… talk of the proverbial clash of titans!
Anyone who has had the privilege to have full contact with Zimbabweans right from their days as Rhodesians will agree that this is a people that is extremely bizarre to anyone foolish enough to try and understand them.
After his 18-month tour of duty to Harare that ended abruptly in 2001, British journalist David Blair concluded in his 2001 book Degree in Violence: "As I covered one disaster after another, I often found it impossible to make sense of events and fell into believing that this was a country where people simply behaved inexplicably."
Blair was not alone in misunderstanding Zimbos. Even those that have tried to understand this country before him have left thoroughly baffled. We are proudly a truly bizarre people with an equally richly bizarre history.
One of the world's tallest man Billal Hyder from Pakistan
Today, many appear baffled by the resourcefulness we have in displaying our seemingly ambitious roll call of conspiracy theories to explain each and every situation that we find ourselves in. A preponderating bulk of these primarily revolves around the British and their evil cousins. Who does not remember the British Royal Navy intercepting ships laden with fuel destined for this country and offering the petroleum firms double the cash for them not to deliver the product resulting in those historic severe fuel shortages that once rocked this country? And those British white commercial farmers worsening the fuel shortages by filling extra big drums and hiding the product at their extra large farms? How about the British withdrawing all the notes from banks and the streets, resulting in those debilitating cash shortages? What about the evil Americans deploying their drones to dissipate our ancestral rainy clouds in order to sabotage our successful land reform programme? The list is longer than the Trans-Siberian railway!
No one can blame us. We inherited everything from Rhodesia. Ian Smith and his Rhodesian Front gang had at least equalled their feats of imagination.
British historian Lord (Robert) Blake, in his magisterial book, History of Rhodesia (1977) summarised the curious beliefs entertained by Smith's followers in the Rhodesian Front thusly: "Theories were propounded about the hopeless and inherent and hopeless inferiority of the African and the danger of a world-wide conspiracy against Rhodesians consisting not only of Communists, independent African states and international financiers, but also comprising the Fabian Society, the London School of Economics, the BBC, the American Peace Corps, the (US) State Department, the World Council of Churches, the World Bank, UNESCO, and ‘other offshoots of the great communistic and devilish institution in the world known as the UN' - to quote JR Ryan, the RF member for Salisbury Central. It was against this unholy and, one might think, somewhat improbable alliance, that the RF was doing battle on behalf of ‘civilised, responsible, Christian standards'."
Naturally, the very same evil forces that had sought to do down Rhodesia are ganging up against Zimbabwe as well.
Having interviewed every leading figure in Smith's government and the man himself, Blake was reduced to writing: "I found it almost impossible to extract any logical reasons for UDI from the many members of the RF or its sympathisers who were kind enough to listen to my questions… UDI becomes a piece of madness, a sort of collective rush of blood to the head that cannot be explained by rational means at all."
Those who think Zimbos are a crazy lot need to read Max Hastings' work Going to War (2000) as he describes some of Smith's most trusted lieutenants that only served to make his government a few apples short of a picnic.
"His crew included the likes of the Duke of Montrose, who served as agriculture minister. When (British prime minister) Harold Wilson visited Salisbury in October 1965 and was given a banquet by the Rhodesian elite, His Grace's idea of entertaining their guest was to mount the table and dance a jig, while keeping a penny clenched between his buttocks. At the conclusion of this performance, the Duke proudly demonstrated to the prime minister that the penny had indeed remained in place. Montrose was, at least, a harmless lunatic. That could not be said of some in Smith's cabinet. PK van der Byl, the grisly character who served variously at the information, defence and foreign ministries, could repeatedly fill his spare hours by clattering over the plains in a helicopter, taking pot shots at blacks below."
Judging by history characters of people who have held the agriculture portfolio, it should not come as a surprise at all that a chap who in May 2001 gave the nation this (falsely) re-assuring statement: "There is not need for the government to import maize… I have flown around the country and seen that there is plenty of maize in the communal and resettlement areas," is still in that job 15 years down the line, even though the extra lucky fellow has never had one season in which the country has had just one its now thoroughly dilapidated grain silos at least half empty!
With the foregoing, Dr CZ is convinced his followers now understand the terms historic in the proper context. Zimbos are indeed a historic people!
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
COMRADES, I think we have allowed anarchy to go unchecked in this country. Surely, how could those miscreants, the urchins and the scoundrels that constitute a token opposition be allowed to rein that supreme in the august House the way they did last week.
I should admit that I was really shocked that a country like ours that has a solid claim towards decency, still has such misfits as its "honourable" Members of Parliament. Now I understand why our Zim-Asset is not delivering the fruits … it is exactly because of those people. "Zanu-PF yaora, Zanu-PF yaora, blah, blah…" what was that all about?
They think the sanctions which they invited upon this nation will bring this indomitable Zanu-PF government down? They can continue dreaming, but that will not change the reality on the ground that this party is more popular than ever before and it shall rule until donkeys grow horns!
I am certain the British and their evil American cousins had sponsored those unemployable urchins to misbehave in Parliament the way they did.
Even in the run-up to the event, a petition on this Dzamara chap was brought up!
Instead of dignifying their mischief, I had no option but to leave the House because I couldn't withstand all that mischief. I could tell from their behaviour that the evil West was at work… and their Press rushed to rubbish our governing party's interventions that are meant to revive the country's economy. I am so used to this that I would have been surprised if those thugs had behaved differently. But I still had to leave because I certainly knew most of you would have lost your tempers and a big fight would have erupted, giving credence to their false claims that ours is a violent party.
Anyway, Zimbabwe will never be a colony again! The bottom line here is that the 10-point plan will certainly kick-start our Zim-Asset programme and the people will shortly be enjoying the sweet fruits of its bounteous harvest.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
…AND CZ's NOTEBOOK
Unforgivable!
Dr CZ was inconsolably dismayed when one of his fans brought it to his important attention press adverts being flighted in the media in which there is sadly one housing co-operative in Caledonia that is going by the deeply provocative name, Ray Kaukonde Housing Co-operative! We have no reason to doubt that efforts are already underway to correct this dangerous misnomer.
We know there are public institutions and places named after some people who have opted to be on the wrong side of history. Uncomfortably too many of them! Here is a patriotic suggestion… why not re-name all these after Dr CZ, the eponymous patriot who will never, ever be tricked by the devil and his British minions into selling his birthright for a few pieces of silver?
In the same vein, Dr CZ is reminded of this rumour doing the rounds in the capital that the famous Mbare Chimurenga Choir is now unable to belt out one of its favourite tunes, Ndikusetere Team, because only one of the once three-member strong team is left after John Nkomo dutifully answered the summons of the ancestors while Joice Mujuru donated herself to the enemies of this country. It is rumoured that in the unlikely event that the song cannot be changed to bring it in sync with the people's patriotic needs, it might be banned altogether. Not much of a bad good riddance, anyway!
We are reminded of a case in the 1960s when Ghana's founding father, Kwame Nkrumah - whom we have been hearing a lot about of late - named one of the streets in Accra after Zanu founding president Ndabaningi Sithole only for the later to miss the favour of the gods.
Well, George Orwell, the naughty author of The Animal Farm mischief might not have been wrong when he opened his essay Reflections on (Mahatma) Gandhi with the following statement: "Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent."
Historic
Last week, a historic event took place in this historic country. God's extreme miracles came into contact. One of the world's tallest chaps, Billal Hyder from Pakistan was in Harare for a week long date with Zimbabweans, one of the world's strangest people. (Kindly do not ask Dr CZ about all the other statistical measurements about this long - sorry, tall-chap!). The point here is that it was one of those rare cases in which the baffling wonders of this world came together to jointly thank God and the gods in a wild celebration of their uniqueness… talk of the proverbial clash of titans!
Anyone who has had the privilege to have full contact with Zimbabweans right from their days as Rhodesians will agree that this is a people that is extremely bizarre to anyone foolish enough to try and understand them.
After his 18-month tour of duty to Harare that ended abruptly in 2001, British journalist David Blair concluded in his 2001 book Degree in Violence: "As I covered one disaster after another, I often found it impossible to make sense of events and fell into believing that this was a country where people simply behaved inexplicably."
Blair was not alone in misunderstanding Zimbos. Even those that have tried to understand this country before him have left thoroughly baffled. We are proudly a truly bizarre people with an equally richly bizarre history.
One of the world's tallest man Billal Hyder from Pakistan
Today, many appear baffled by the resourcefulness we have in displaying our seemingly ambitious roll call of conspiracy theories to explain each and every situation that we find ourselves in. A preponderating bulk of these primarily revolves around the British and their evil cousins. Who does not remember the British Royal Navy intercepting ships laden with fuel destined for this country and offering the petroleum firms double the cash for them not to deliver the product resulting in those historic severe fuel shortages that once rocked this country? And those British white commercial farmers worsening the fuel shortages by filling extra big drums and hiding the product at their extra large farms? How about the British withdrawing all the notes from banks and the streets, resulting in those debilitating cash shortages? What about the evil Americans deploying their drones to dissipate our ancestral rainy clouds in order to sabotage our successful land reform programme? The list is longer than the Trans-Siberian railway!
No one can blame us. We inherited everything from Rhodesia. Ian Smith and his Rhodesian Front gang had at least equalled their feats of imagination.
British historian Lord (Robert) Blake, in his magisterial book, History of Rhodesia (1977) summarised the curious beliefs entertained by Smith's followers in the Rhodesian Front thusly: "Theories were propounded about the hopeless and inherent and hopeless inferiority of the African and the danger of a world-wide conspiracy against Rhodesians consisting not only of Communists, independent African states and international financiers, but also comprising the Fabian Society, the London School of Economics, the BBC, the American Peace Corps, the (US) State Department, the World Council of Churches, the World Bank, UNESCO, and ‘other offshoots of the great communistic and devilish institution in the world known as the UN' - to quote JR Ryan, the RF member for Salisbury Central. It was against this unholy and, one might think, somewhat improbable alliance, that the RF was doing battle on behalf of ‘civilised, responsible, Christian standards'."
Naturally, the very same evil forces that had sought to do down Rhodesia are ganging up against Zimbabwe as well.
Having interviewed every leading figure in Smith's government and the man himself, Blake was reduced to writing: "I found it almost impossible to extract any logical reasons for UDI from the many members of the RF or its sympathisers who were kind enough to listen to my questions… UDI becomes a piece of madness, a sort of collective rush of blood to the head that cannot be explained by rational means at all."
Those who think Zimbos are a crazy lot need to read Max Hastings' work Going to War (2000) as he describes some of Smith's most trusted lieutenants that only served to make his government a few apples short of a picnic.
"His crew included the likes of the Duke of Montrose, who served as agriculture minister. When (British prime minister) Harold Wilson visited Salisbury in October 1965 and was given a banquet by the Rhodesian elite, His Grace's idea of entertaining their guest was to mount the table and dance a jig, while keeping a penny clenched between his buttocks. At the conclusion of this performance, the Duke proudly demonstrated to the prime minister that the penny had indeed remained in place. Montrose was, at least, a harmless lunatic. That could not be said of some in Smith's cabinet. PK van der Byl, the grisly character who served variously at the information, defence and foreign ministries, could repeatedly fill his spare hours by clattering over the plains in a helicopter, taking pot shots at blacks below."
Judging by history characters of people who have held the agriculture portfolio, it should not come as a surprise at all that a chap who in May 2001 gave the nation this (falsely) re-assuring statement: "There is not need for the government to import maize… I have flown around the country and seen that there is plenty of maize in the communal and resettlement areas," is still in that job 15 years down the line, even though the extra lucky fellow has never had one season in which the country has had just one its now thoroughly dilapidated grain silos at least half empty!
With the foregoing, Dr CZ is convinced his followers now understand the terms historic in the proper context. Zimbos are indeed a historic people!
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
Source - fingaz
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