Opinion / Columnist
New Year, new sex
10 Jan 2016 at 06:09hrs | Views
SEX the word can evoke a lot of emotions, from love, excitement, and tenderness to longing, anxiety, and disappointment the feelings aroused by the word vary as the sexual experiences themselves. Scientifically, sex is just another hormone-driven bodily function designed to perpetuate humans. Of course, that narrow view underestimates the complexity of the human sexual response and the shivers that run down the spine by the mere mention of sex.
In addition to the scientifically expected forces at work, your sexual encounters, experiences and expectations help shape your sexuality. Your understanding of yourself and sexual needs and desires as a sexual being, your thoughts about what constitutes a satisfying sexual connection, and your relationship with your partner are key factors in your ability to develop and maintain a fulfilling sex life This year make it your business to satisfy your partners sexual needs and desires.
Many and most married couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances because they shy away from the subject, but how then is your partner expected to give you the best sex if you are not open about your expectations.
When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can break conversation altogether because you feel your partner is not satisfying your needs you then find yourself trying other forbidden ways to seek pleasure. As married people you have to know that good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer emotional bond.
There are two types of sexual conversations that couples need to explore to build their sexual life one way to communicate you have to try the one way that help like the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It is perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it is best to wait until you are in a more neutral setting to discuss larger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or orgasm troubles. You should try and avoid criticizing your partner when you feel you are being shortchanged in the bedroom. Try talking about it in a positive way, and always approach a sexual issue as a problem to be solved together rather than an exercise in assigning blame. You may think you are protecting your partner's feelings by faking an orgasm, but in reality you are starting down a slippery slope. As challenging as it is to talk about any sexual problem, the difficulty level can be problematic once the issue is buried under years of lies, hurt, and resentment.
As you begin the year try improving your sexual life by having open communication and making sure that you create an atmosphere of caring and tenderness touch and kiss often and definitely more than you did last year. Do not blame yourself or your partner for your sexual difficulties rather focus instead on maintaining emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage. It is healthy to keep the spark in your marriage and physical intimacy is one of the best ways partners can keep the spark. Even if you are tired, tense, or upset about a certain problem, engaging in kissing and cuddling is essential for maintaining an emotional and physical bond and nothing brings a spark better than physical intimacy.
The sensational focus techniques that sex therapists use have nothing on what you and your partner can try out to re-establish physical intimacy without feeling pressured but by being driven by the desire to please your partner. You may also go an extra mile and ask your partner to touch you in a manner that you would like to be touched. This will give you a better sense of how much pressure, from gentle to firm, you should use and this can help you discover the way you enjoy being touched and therefore encourage your partner to touch you the way you desire.
Another way of improving bedroom and sexual fantasies is to write things down, this exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a turn-on for you or your partner. Try thinking of an experience or a movie that aroused you and then share your memory with your partner in writing. This is especially helpful for people with low desire. You can also try the Kegel exercises because they can really help you in a sexual kind of good way. Both men and women can improve their sexual fitness by exercising their pelvic floor muscles.
To do these exercises, tighten the muscle you would use if you were trying to stop urine in midstream. Hold the contraction for two or three seconds, then release and you can repeat these 10 times. Try to do five sets a day. These exercises can be done anywhere while driving, sitting at your desk, or standing or while working at home. There you have it try and work on your sexual problems, explore each other and put each other's need first, so this year I am expecting a few sexual problems to flood my inbox instead
I am expecting good news from the bedrooms. Till next week let's keep talking.
Next week as the year is still new we are talking bad breath as a killer so do share your thoughts and views., e-mail auntycharity14@gmail.com
In addition to the scientifically expected forces at work, your sexual encounters, experiences and expectations help shape your sexuality. Your understanding of yourself and sexual needs and desires as a sexual being, your thoughts about what constitutes a satisfying sexual connection, and your relationship with your partner are key factors in your ability to develop and maintain a fulfilling sex life This year make it your business to satisfy your partners sexual needs and desires.
Many and most married couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances because they shy away from the subject, but how then is your partner expected to give you the best sex if you are not open about your expectations.
When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can break conversation altogether because you feel your partner is not satisfying your needs you then find yourself trying other forbidden ways to seek pleasure. As married people you have to know that good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer emotional bond.
There are two types of sexual conversations that couples need to explore to build their sexual life one way to communicate you have to try the one way that help like the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It is perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it is best to wait until you are in a more neutral setting to discuss larger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or orgasm troubles. You should try and avoid criticizing your partner when you feel you are being shortchanged in the bedroom. Try talking about it in a positive way, and always approach a sexual issue as a problem to be solved together rather than an exercise in assigning blame. You may think you are protecting your partner's feelings by faking an orgasm, but in reality you are starting down a slippery slope. As challenging as it is to talk about any sexual problem, the difficulty level can be problematic once the issue is buried under years of lies, hurt, and resentment.
As you begin the year try improving your sexual life by having open communication and making sure that you create an atmosphere of caring and tenderness touch and kiss often and definitely more than you did last year. Do not blame yourself or your partner for your sexual difficulties rather focus instead on maintaining emotional and physical intimacy in your marriage. It is healthy to keep the spark in your marriage and physical intimacy is one of the best ways partners can keep the spark. Even if you are tired, tense, or upset about a certain problem, engaging in kissing and cuddling is essential for maintaining an emotional and physical bond and nothing brings a spark better than physical intimacy.
Another way of improving bedroom and sexual fantasies is to write things down, this exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a turn-on for you or your partner. Try thinking of an experience or a movie that aroused you and then share your memory with your partner in writing. This is especially helpful for people with low desire. You can also try the Kegel exercises because they can really help you in a sexual kind of good way. Both men and women can improve their sexual fitness by exercising their pelvic floor muscles.
To do these exercises, tighten the muscle you would use if you were trying to stop urine in midstream. Hold the contraction for two or three seconds, then release and you can repeat these 10 times. Try to do five sets a day. These exercises can be done anywhere while driving, sitting at your desk, or standing or while working at home. There you have it try and work on your sexual problems, explore each other and put each other's need first, so this year I am expecting a few sexual problems to flood my inbox instead
I am expecting good news from the bedrooms. Till next week let's keep talking.
Next week as the year is still new we are talking bad breath as a killer so do share your thoughts and views., e-mail auntycharity14@gmail.com
Source - sundaynews
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