Opposition coalition: Of inflated egos and parasites

Media reports on the mooted coalition of opposition parties that is somehow miraculously expected to dislodge ZANU-PF from power makes for interesting reading. From as far back as last year, the so-called grand coalition has been "gathering steam" with the parties involved meeting and "unmeeting" many times over, if the lunatic fringe is to be believed in its fanciful reportage. What is now apparent is that the coalition exists more and is progressing more in the media, and if it were possible, some journalists would go sign on behalf of the opposition parties in order to speed things up, lest it fails to materialise.

In the event that the coalition is formed, it will be a meeting of big egos and big heads as each of the supposed grand players has a huge chip on their shoulders.

Zimbabwe People First believes that, as "the original Zanu-PF", they are the big boss, borrowing from power they enjoyed while in Zanu-PF and want others to come pay homage to them. It is obvious from statements issued by that party regarding the coalition that ZPF wants its leader, Joice Mujuru, to lead the proposed coalition. This, understandably, will not go down well with the likes of Morgan Tsvangirai, who have been in the opposition trenches for the past 16 years or so. Following reports that Mujuru and Tsvangirai had agreed to take part in the coalition later this month, which to all intents and purposes appears to have been a fabrication of one desperate media house, ZPF spokesperson Rugare Gumbo was quick to point out that as far as they were concerned, some opposition parties have to repent first before they consider inviting them to take part.

Said Gumbo: "Some of the opposition parties have done things which do not fit with our vision, while others just want publicity with nothing tangible to show at the end of the day. We want concrete programmes of action."

Already, with such a mentality, it is inconceivable that Mujuru and her supporting elderly thieves would bow to anyone in the said coalition, but would likely approach it with a Big Brother, or is it Big Sister mentality. The fact that that party disdainfully refused to join other opposition parties in a joint Independence Day statement is telling of the attitude that ZPF would take if it eventually decided to join other parties in coalition talks.

Against this backdrop, Tsvangirai is used to be the one "Igwe" of opposition parties, so to speak, and has indicated a reluctance to relinquish his post. MDC-T secretary-general Douglas Mwonzora's response to reports that his boss would join coalition talks this month was a very arrogant, "we have not been approached and as a party, we are working on our political programmes. This is not to say we are arrogant, if invited, we will be willing to work with others to remove the dictatorship.

Indeed, the Big Brother has spoken and all other opposition parties have to come, tails between their legs, hands raised and in submission, invite "Chief" Tsvangirai to join them. Tsvangirai's tyrannical tendencies are well documented. A simple letter of complaint from one Elton Mangoma saw the latter being beaten and banished from Tsvangirai's party. Given that character, it would likely freeze over in hell first before Tsvangirai sincerely agrees to relinquish power in a coalition to someone other than himself.

After all, 2018 might be his last shot at State House and to give it to mafikizolos like Mujuru and her wanna-be Zanu-PF outfit would be too stupid, even by his own standards. To give the devil his due, it would be rather unfair, given Tsvangirai's toiling for the past 16 years, with all the amusement he has provided to Zanu- PF, to expect him and his supporters to just hand over power in the opposition world and the limelight to Mujuru and her band of thieves. It would also be asking too much of MDC-T supporters to expect them to support the joining of hands with a party made of rotten and cruel apples that were discarded from their nemesis, ZANU-PF.

Mavambo/Kusile/Dawn (MKD) leader Simba Makoni would likely be hoping to revive his spattering political career, if it can be called such, through the proposed coalition. Makoni has dismally failed, time and again, to make even a ripple on the Zimbabwean political scene since his over-ambitious entrance as an opposition leader in 2008.

It is obvious that in this mooted coalition, he is hoping to leap-frog over those parties that have more numbers than he does and catapult to fame and of course, riches. What Makoni would bring to an opposition coalition is beyond comprehension, except maybe a psychopathic belief in grandeur and relevance.

That Makoni still calls himself an opposition leader without batting an eyelid is the height of psychosis.

Smaller opposition parties such as MDC, DARE, African Democratic Party, National Constitutional Assembly, ZAPU, ZUNDE, RDZ and the People's Democratic Party should be forgiven for trying to boost their profiles through the coalition. One can't blame them for trying. After all, a clever parasite latches onto the back of a host and feeds on it, not to mention the free transportation it receives.

What they hope to gain out of the coalition does not require a rocket scientist. Perhaps if they become part of the proposed coalition and agree to become and act like Mujuru and Tsvangirai's lackeys, they will also get acres of space dedicated to them in some sections of the media, and the gods being crazy, some donor funds.

One wonders, given these characters of the envisaged major players in the coalition, what such a coalition would bring except to enrich those who are lucky to emerge with Government posts as was the case with MDC-T officials during the Government of National Unity.

They went in all Robin Hood and democratic, and immediately turned to looting, corrupt fat cats the moment they were sworn in. It's most likely that all these opposition parties just want a chance to loot and live in splendour at the expense of Zimbabweans, for what change can they bring when their own parties are embroiled in internal fights for positions, corruption, violence and fraud?

Already, the lunatic fringe has taken to celebrating any whisper that Mujuru or Tsvangirai will take part in the proposed talks. This reveals that to them, and Big Brother Tsvangirai and Big Sister Mujuru, the other opposition parties are here to make up the numbers and shine their shoes.

The envisaged "grand coalition" will most likely be a mix of two inflated egos, several big heads and whimpering spineless parasites that cannot survive on their own. Such a grouping would not be of much use to anyone save to confuse the electorate and waste their time.