I walked in on my wife with another man

THERE is nothing more shocking than when a man walks in on his wife cheating with another man. In a committed relationship nothing hurts more, or is harder to recover from, than infidelity, and this is even more evident when it is the female partner doing the cheating.

In recent years I have noticed a gentle rise in the number of families who have been destroyed by adultery, and while there is an overall consensus among professionals that female infidelity is on the rise, the trend does not get nearly as much attention as male infidelity and for many this could be surprising, because female infidelity is often much more damaging to a marriage.

Please, do not get me wrong because male cheating is as harmful as any cheating. However, when a partner fools around, it is often the death knell to a couple's relationship.

There is no pain like the pain of betrayal especially by your significant other so go ahead and crawl into bed, curl up and just wail if you want to and if you think it will help in fact, go right ahead and do what you think will make you better because we still have not found cure for a heartbreak.

Sometimes as people it is in our nature to share because it is how we get through the grieving process but spilling the gory details to everyone you know could backfire big-time if you ultimately decide to stay together.

This week's column is about a man who walked in on his cheating wife and has never said a word to anyone about it and he does not know what he will do as all he knows is pain.

I walked in on my wife one day when I came back from work early only to find her in bed with one of my colleagues. When I walked in on them I could hear them saying all this cheesy stuff to each other and I know to most of you reading this you think it is a total cliché situation but it was really happening to me.

I could not believe my eyes and ears to make matters worse I saw it with my own two eyes. I did not receive a tip-off but I saw it first-hand and what was weird is that I saw my whole life flash before my eyes, like what they say happens when you are dying I still believe I died that very day.

I had a mixed bag of feelings I felt dizzy, I felt rage, I felt shame and I wanted to hug myself as every terrible feeling rolled into one moment. I froze and it felt as though I had been run over by car and lost my limbs. The pain was too much the guy was just as stunned as me. He looked at me and said "Hi," in kind of a weird, friendly way.

I think I might have said "Hi" back as a reflex. Then he grabbed his stuff and booked it out of there in two seconds. At the time I did not want to kill him as much as I wanted to be dead myself. Of course, after everything sunk into my head I thought about beating the living lights out of him but in actual fact when all this was happening I was totally paralysed and I had no energy to fight and let alone confront any of them.

I have known my wife for six years now, we met at church and we both found Jesus together at the same time after we had a fair share of our life in the world. We got married a year ago and we have been nothing but happy. My wife has always been upfront with me whenever she had a problem. So I was surprised to find out that she has been having an affair!

We go on trips together, we talk and we are open to each other, we cuddle daily and we were even planning on having a kid soon.

I helped pay for her education as well, her family and I are super close they treat me as their own as we have been very close over the years. I have been a very good husband and I always work hard working to provide for both of us, I cannot believe she could not even stay faithful to me, even though I always put her first and I am always thinking of her when I set food on the table, and pay her debts.

I am not even thinking of anything right now all I know is I am in pain and I cannot face both of them and what hurts even more is that they are both where I spend most of my time at work and at home. We have not said a word to each other after what happened clearly we all do not know what to say or do to each other.

I have tried to think of the next step after this horrible encounter but I am failing to get my head around it because if I leave her, she will not be able to support herself. If I stay with her, how do I know she will not cheat again? I have never had suspicions on my wife or even imagined her having other men. I blanked it from my mind because I loved her and respected her so much and because of who we have chosen to be it was next to impossible for such to haunt our marriage.

I go on everyday with my routine but deep inside I am hurting. I can not sleep or even talk to anyone about what I am going through because I do not want anyone to know about what happened. I still wish I could wake up from this dream and have my wife back, but unfortunately I do not think it is possible after what happened.

The pain is physically exhausting and I really do not know what to do with myself and I am not even going to pretend to be brave because I am actually totally broken and some days I cry it all out. To this day, I still have not figured out if there was one big lesson the universe was trying to teach me. Perhaps it was a series of lessons, from how to choose my future partner, how to deal with pain, to determining what values I truly stand for.

I have replayed that day in my head hundreds of times, hoping that maybe if I could understand exactly why everything happened the way it did, that I would be able to completely move on or at least talk about it and feel at peace. Sadly no matter how I analyse it, or how I put the pieces together, it does not make sense. I will probably never figure it out, and I hope for the day when I stop hurting so much and I finally have the courage to deal with what happened to me.

Getting past the sadness, is a choice and life is about making choices we choose whether we will read books, educate ourselves, increase our understanding, learn from others and most of all whether or not we will control our thoughts. So no matter what you are going through make the right choice and do not give up so till next week email to:heartsonfire909@gmail.com and share your story.