The baby mama drama

HEARTBREAKS come with more than one bargains for, there are a lot of feelings that come with it. You will feel hurt, you will feel angry and you will feel sad. Going through all these feelings is a part of the package and sadly one cannot avoid them because we do not choose to feel it. The most important part of heartbreak is to go through it every step of the way and not force healing. It is okay to cry, wail, go crazy, scream and look at yourself in the mirror while you are in pain.

A friend of mine recently told me that it is normal to lose your mind when your heart is broken because there is no manual to going through the heartbreak. Feeling the pain is the first step to heartbreak and there are a lot of emotions at play. I know everyone is different, but based on people's feelings or experiences dating people with children has its own perks and has no recipe because it really depends on the person. For some, maybe they did not want the relationship to end and the break was not their choice.

Deep down they are still hoping or wishing things had worked out differently, especially if there was a long-term relationship prior to the break-up. Sadly sometimes despite how horrible a person the ex is, some people just never let go or move on. I know most people will always "love" or "care" for their child's parent after the relationship is over, and will always have that bond between them and for some deep down they wish things had worked out and hope things work out in the future and for some there is always an attraction while others always want the family together.

This week our column is on a woman who has had to put up with baby mama drama and ended up getting more than she had bargained for as she has been left to deal with a broken heart.

One day he left me without a word! All his stuff was gone, he blocked my number, blocked me on Facebook! I went to his baby mama's facebook and saw that they had recently had another baby together and he had not told me any of this! I called him from a different phone and he answered and had the guts to tell me he did not want me, and he never did! He said that he wants to be with his kids and baby mama. I could not believe my ears and I felt something creep up my throat and I sat down looking around me (although I was alone in the house) making sure that no one had heard what he said. I felt so stupid and crushed, I was devastated because I thought we loved each other and would always be together. We were planning our white wedding and I did not know what to do and if truth be told I still do not know what to do, my life feels empty and incomplete without him! This was the second shot to the chest and I feel like I do not even know who the hell it is I had loved all this time.

My ex and I were happy until his baby mama became "hot" in the picture. He has two children from different relationships, but both kids are close and we were almost like a family because they used to visit us. I loved and treated them as my own and encouraged my husband to be a part of their lives, trying to avoid having problems within us. Over the past two years I have caught him in three different incidences with his children's mother. One time he had sex with one of them, and, the other two times he was sending inappropriate text messages to both of them.

His child's mother sent me all the text messages and screenshots that he sent her all the time they were in contact. Now in a perfect world, the average woman would leave and move on with their life with such drama hanging over her but, unfortunately, my emotional attachment to him made that very hard. I have had a few fights with his baby mamas but nothing too serious as it all ended in heated exchange of words. Deep down I knew he always wanted a relationship with them and being the confident person I am, I was never jealous of him making contact with any of them until I realised what I was dealing with.

Sometimes when we had to talk about one of her baby mamas, he made comments about how he wished they could have stayed together for the sake of the child. Subconsciously he would let things slip but being at the highest of security in relationships I never paid much attention to all he had to say. I remember the one time he went on about how she was a different person and had changed for the better after they broke up. That very minute my heart sank and I felt something on the inside of me that I could not shake off. I had a lot of gut feelings telling me something was going on but I ignored them thinking it was just a slip of the tongue as he called it. In my heart of hearts all this made me feel like maybe he was still not over her, and that he wished that they could still be together but I pushed that thought as far away from my head as possible.

I always replaced it with self-blame that I did not have kids of my own so maybe I just did not understand what it's like to have kids with someone. I made up excuses for him and sometimes convinced myself to believe everything he said about him being over both women, I loved him and I wanted him and I made our situation a fight for love and had to stay strong. I was not going to give up on our love or let him go, I had invested a lot of time in our relationship and I knew it would be hard to lose someone I was attached to. So I kept on fighting for our love because I did not have a clue of what was actually happening.

I am not an idiot, nor am I insensible. I was convinced leaving him was not an option and giving up on our love was the last thing I would do before breathing my last breath. I understood that sex is important in any relationship, especially to a man, but I did not think it should be that important when you love someone so I turned a blind eye when I found out he had slept with his baby mama and when he told me it was a once-off never to be done again I believed him.

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