Where are those prophets of doom, Cdes?

CABINET FILES AND CZ's NOTEBOOK

Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, it is only by the grace of the Almighty that in the next few days I will be celebrating my 91st birthday.Whoever said age is nothing but a number could have been right after all. I do not feel like a 91-year-old, if anything, I feel like a 19-year young man.

This is what God can do. As I have always said, my longevity has nothing to do with my wisdom. It is simply because I happen to have been chosen by God to serve a certain purpose here on earth, and it looks like I have been doing so exceptionally well that God would want me to continue.

You have heard those prophets of doom making all sorts of ghastly predictions, from Nigeria, Kenya, Malawi and everywhere - as if when my time to depart for my Heavenly reward comes, I will be the first and last time to ever die-but here I am, enjoying the best health possible for any mortal being.

Year in, year out, I am reported to be on my deathbed, and so ashamed are these detractors that they, of late, had started making similar death predictions about my dear wife.

Thankfully because of the true God that we kneel before, all these predictions will always come to nothing.

I see Morgan and Didymus are beginning to court each other. It seems like they are at that tentative stage where they are still sizing each other, with one side asking the other to come over.

This was expected, they being birds of the same feather. Since they seem to be controlled by the same hand, all of them being puppets of the West. So it is only a matter of time before their handlers dictate to them how their amalgamation should be worked out.

For now, it looks like the strategy is to sponsor the brainless Didymus to cause untold mayhem in ZANU-PF by continuing to claim he is still a bona fide member of the party -his so-called "original" ZANU-PF - while dragging the party and its leadership to the courts on frivolous allegations.

Anyway, we know all their strategies, and all we have to do is   wait and see.

Meanwhile, think I should single out our brand new VP, Cde Phelekezela, for well-deserved praise. The brother is doing a sterling job, clearing the air on otherwise knotty issues such as the unfortunate disturbances that took place in the southern and western parts of the country shortly after our hard-won independence.

I am so happy that the country is endowed with a leadership that knows its history.

Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely

ME


… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK

Downpour

IT never rains, but it pours, so the sages say.

Manicaland Minister of State, Cde Mandi Chimene (pictured above), last week made a clear-worded announcement that she is moving in to repossess the farm(s) owned by former ZANU-PF secretary for administration Cde Didymus Mutasa after the latter made disparaging remarks about the land reform programme in an interview with a foreign newspaper. This we long expected.

We are also told that Mutasa's place at the Heroes' Acre no longer exists.

We are now being told that the clan where Mutasa purported to be hailing from is disowning him outright.

We shortly expect the whole harem of women linked to him to start queuing up to tell us how evil the man is.

This is the cost of offending the sun!

Dr CZ was recently on an official tour of some of the night spots in downtown Harare with his bodyguards (others call them "security companions") in tow when they got into one of the joints rumoured to be owned by one of Joice mujuru's allies. When they thought they were settling their important selves down, policemen swopped at the joint and demanded that it be closed. Management tried to sweet-talk the police officers in the Zimbabwean way (you know it, don't you?) but to no avail. The place had to be closed pronto! We were made to understand that this was on orders from somewhere higher up there. So in the end Dr CZ and his team had to find another joint to patronise.

We are told this is happening to each and every member of that sell-out faction, who by the very nature of their treasonous acts-have suddenly found themselves joining the Ndabaningi Sitholes, the James Chikeremas etc etc - on the wrong side of history.

Sadly
Last week we were told that the honourable legislator for Gokwe Nembudziya, Cde Justice "Mayor" Wadyajena's driver had been arrested after cash reportedly amounting to US$40 000 vanished from his car. The driver, who had been sent to park the vehicle at the legislator's business premises, was the prime suspect, or so we were made to believe. Our sincere commiserations go to Cde Wadyajena.

Sadly what makes cases like these hard to straighten out is that it is the legislator's word against that of his hapless driver. There is no one who witnessed the brother stashing the money into his car, just as there is no one who saw the driver blessing himself to this sweet lucre.

However, we thought the supposed honourable lawmaker was so enlightened as to know that banks are not there merely to decorate our cities and towns. They serve a certain purpose, especially for those whose business transactions are clean.

By the way these are the same lawmakers that not only should be leading by example, but should also encourage us, the hoi polloi, to keep our hard-earned peanuts in the banks.

Small wonder why one irritated Zimbo was heard saying he who can afford to keep US$40 000 in a car can also afford to lose it.

By the way this is the same Cde Wadyajena who of late has being dragged to the courts over child maintenance claims.

Really?
Do they say he who tastes develops a penchant for more? This seem to be the case with the Chitiyos, the parents of the two conjoined twins who were successfully separated in a "historical" surgical operation by a team of local surgeons at Harare hospital last year.

Last week the twins' father Moses Chitiyo and his wife Agnes were back in the media. The  couple was wailing poverty, saying they are having serious difficulties feeding the children, and were therefore appealing for well-wishers to help out.

Anyone who can take a stroll along Orr Street in downtown Harare would see hordes of people, most of who have the most frightening of physical disabilities, selling various wares. These are men and women who understand the dignity of earning one's own living instead of surviving through the begging bowl.

Vendors
If there is one war that Harare and most urban authorities are fast losing, it is a war with street vendors. These are fathers and mothers who know that it is primarily their duty to put food on the table (and sometimes floor) for their own children. These are people who appreciate the simplest fact of life… that on this side of the mortal curtain, no one owes anyone a living.

These are people who do not spend their afternoon sleeping (hopefully not making babies) secure in the comfort that they have begging for a profession.

Quotable quote!
"The referendum had nothing to do with ZANU-PF… our government is absolutely popular. It is only our government, which has gone to war to fight for the people's rights. What is baffling for me is that the people are refusing to implement their own views," this was ZANU-PF's then powerful secretary for administration Cde Didymus Mutasa. He was saying this to the BBC on February 18, 2000, exactly 15 years ago yesterday. This was in the aftermath of a disastrous referendum on an equally disastrous government-sponsored constitutional draft.

But more important Cde Mutasa went on to reassure Zimbabweans: "Mugabe will rule this country for as long as he likes. There is no question about that… it is absolutely mad to think that someone else can govern this country. It is impossible, you cannot even imagine it."

Today the man is trying to drag the same ZANU-PF and President Mugabe through the mud to the courts!

Almost
A girl posted on her Facebook wall: Can you imagine! My ex-has just gotten engaged, less than a month after dumping me.

Viewer comment:  You should count yourself very, very lucky that at least you made it to the semi-finals!

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