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Infertility scars: Through the narrow gate - PART 2

02 Jan 2020 at 08:43hrs | Views
This is a real life story narrated by an infertile woman Joy, who married a man he loved and had a blissful short stint in marriage before it somersaulted into hell.She then faced a plethora of challenges such as abuse from the man he loved as well as society isolation.The crime she committed  being  failure to conceive.This is a touching story which depicts daily harrowing experiences faced by  young African  women who fail to conceive.The pith of the story to battered wives being:today's bruises and minor lacerations may be tomorrow's skull fructure and broken back.Get help or get out.

My desolate life was now heavily pregnant with despicable events and it was marred with demeaning happenings.I had lost everything that defined humanity: confidence ,faith and self-esteem.Though I was new in the area,  everyone was now aware that I was barren.My husband had stripped me off all the dignity that defined womanhood.In the morning I would peep through the window to check if there was anyone outside bacause I was now shy to meet other people.After realising that I was now living in solitude confinements of my house ,i decided to relocate to another part of Mutare where noone would know about the abuse .I left and didn't want Nox to know where I was going.

I spent some time living alone but as time went on ,he located the new area I was staying in.The abuse episode resumed.He would wait for me in the road, hiding somewhere and whenever he saw me walking with any man ,he would dart out of his lurking place, stand in my way, hold me by waist and demands a public kiss so that any man would see that I was married.Failure to comply meant he would not allow me to pass or would threaten me with a thorough hiding. To avoid public humiliating repercussions, I would hasten to give him a kiss in the middle of the road in broad daylight.After complying he would allow me to pass. Sometimes he would call or text a derogatory message just to trigger my provocation.

After six months of separation, I thought the abuse had subdued  but he started to frequent my house pestering me for sex. He would say I had no right to stop him since I was his wife and had paid bride price to my parents hence had full rights to quench his sexual thirst .I would relocate to another place unknown to him but he would trail me until he located where I lived.

One night he came to my house and asked me to go back to his house so that we would live together again but I refused and he stormed out of the room.Early the following morning I was awakened from deep slumber  by a massive knock on my door.It was my landlady who wanted me to come out quickly so that I could witness what she had stumbled on whilst she was sweeping the yard.I simply wrapped my body with a bed sheet and slammed the door shut as I dashed out.What I saw in the yard was blood-curdling.I stood there dumbfounded, arms akimbo , my mouth ajar and an eerie silence prevailed.At the centre of the yard was an old Camphor container which contained a long needle , dog feaces, black wooden charcoal ,some cooking oil and a  letter.Surely I had never been so petrified to such an extent .As I stretched my trembling hand to touch the container ,i could hear the dub-lub of my throbbing heart. I reached to the letter which was written: I AM NOX YOUR HUSBAND I LOVE YOU JOY.TODAY I DECLARE THAT YOU SHOULD LOVE ME ONLY AND BE HATED BY ALL OTHER MEN.When I was about to fold back the letter, the attached needle pricked my finger, and I automatically knew the mission of his charm had been accomplished.I was full of rage and vowed to do anything within my powers to confront him about the incident.

The following day when he came to my room I probed him about the charm incident ,but he broke into a diabolical laugh instead and simply said he did it out of love.Instead of being angry ,I lost the ego to interrogate him further .I gave him a glass of drink and he then requested for a dollar to buy sadza but I gave him $4 instead.Even up to now I don't think I was still in my right state of mind.Whenever I saw him I would feel an unusual affinity  towards him.I would  think of him daily ,even in my dreams it was only him.One other day I called ,telling him I wanted to come back to his house so that we would live together again as a husband and wife.He said I was welcome.Within a short period of time I was at his house but was surprised to learn he was now cohabiting with a certain young lady.Instead of going back to my house ,i actually accused the girl of snatching my husband and I immediately ordered her to vacate.She did not resist but apologised and told me she didnt know that Nox was married.The charm was now making me do absurd things: returning to make love to a an abusive man, the man obsessed with chicanery ,deceit and deviant behaviour ,it was unusual.I lived there for a few days before going back to my house.

A month after I had left, he called me to his house and I obliged.Little did I know he was again cohabiting with another young girl.Instead of returning to my house I told the girl that Nox was my husband and we loved each other very much.The girl was defiant, she insisted that she was going nowhere since she suspected she could be pregnant. I told her that we were going to share the same bed ,all the three of us.How insane I was? One night we had an intercourse in full glare of that lady and that is the day she left.From that day we  lived together once again but I told him that noone would bring up  pregnancy issues since I had quit my employment for us to stay together.He agreed though he requested me to accompany him to a traditional healer in Dangamvura.

We arrived at the old lady's home and she was overjoyed to see us.I heard her whispering in my husband 's ears that her magic had succeeded in returning me to him.She performed some cleansing rites on us before she instructed me to come back alone later so that she could check for any positive developments about conceiving.I nodded in agreement.

When I returned on the appointment date she told me that if I wanted my marriage to last ,i needed to use black magic to make my husband submissive.She gave me a step by step lecture on how to do it(but can not divulge to others because some might be enticed to try it).When I arrived home my mind could not stop thinking about how devilish this traditional healer was.She had double dipping tendencies because she wanted me to use love charm on Nox whilst she was also being paid by him to do the same to me.I vowed not to do what she had instructed me ,but wanted to intercede to God to answer my prayers so that my fertility would be restored.When my second appointment was due to visit the old lady(gogo), I refused and thats when I opened to my husband that the traditional healer (gogo)had instructed me to give him a love portion.He seemed unbothered and said love portions were normal in African societies.This happened on a Friday and he did not sleep at home ,but I suspect he slept overnight at gogo's house to verify what I had told him.

The following Saturday morning he arrived home fuming with anger as he accused me of lying about gogo the previous day.He pummelled me mercilessly using clenched fists.I was thoroughly bashed till I defeacated and blood was gushing out profusely.I collapsed and fell uncouscious to the ground.When I regained my consciousness ,i crawled to the electric adapter to charge my phone so that I would be able to communicate with my parents.As I tried to connect the charger, I was whomped on the cheek and fell with a sickening thud on the foor."You are wasting my electricty!" he shouted hoarsely as he ordered me to stop.I laid there prostrate to the floor ,wrestling with pain beyond comprehension and wondered why God would keep people with hearts filled with malice and subtlety.

On Sunday I woke up feeling pain all over my body and the entire body was swollen.Though I was nursing injuries I gathered the guts to tell him that he had used black magic to bring me back to him.He just mumbled but later asked for forgiveness though I refused to accept his apology.I was hungry,but he refused to give me food because I had failed to accept his apology.He started to beat me once again but I gathered all my strength and I retaliated in self-defence.When I overpowered him , I headed straight to the local police station and reported the case.My memory went blank pertaining to Nox's personal details such as phone number and date of birth as soon as I entered police camp.I knew dark forces had tempered with my memory since I knew all these details prior to my coming to the police station and more so my husband Nox had vowed that police details were incapable of arresting him.

When I returned from police station I told him that I had reported all the abuse to police but he was unmoved ,infact I had provoked him.He battered me :kicking my ribs and belly as well as punching me on the chest  till I was coughing blood cloggs from my respiratory tract.He pulled me to the room entrance, tripped to the ground and trampled  on me several times saying barren women were like door mats which had no value and rued the day he had wasted his money in paying lobola for an infertile woman.It was  a horrendous sight as I was in a gory state.

On Monday morning ,the pain became unbearable and I phoned a taxi which ferried me to the clinic which in turn referred me further to the hospital since my condition had deteriorated.Blood was now oozing from all the orifices on my body such as mouth, ears , nose and so on.This means I had sustained serious internal injuries and the clinicians immediately put me on oxygen life support since I was gasping for breath.The clinicians informed me that they had made it a police case before treatment since the health regulations required them to do so.They informed my parents and when they came ,my mother wailed as she could not recognise me my face was now deformed .I was now experiencing fits, signifying that I would pass out unless there was devine intervention.Nox was apprehended and charged with aggravated assault and attempted murder. He would be tried in court once I had fully recuperated and  if I was to die , he would be charged with murder.

I spent a full month hospitalised and on discharge I was supposed to go to court so that Nox would be tried and if found guilty,he would be incarcerated serving his sentence.On discharge I went to the police in crutches and told the police details that I wanted to withdraw the case since I did not wish to see Nox being jailed.His jailing meant my life would become miserable as he had cast an evil spell on me or if I was to die I had no benefit from his arrest.The police insisted I could not withdraw the case. When his trial dates arrived, I absconded from the court sessions and he was freed.

After a month I had fully recovered and my relatives advised me not to return to a beast in the form of a husband.I insisted on wanting to see him so that we would forgive each other before I relocated to South Africa.I met him in town ,wished him all the best in future endevours and bade him farewell.I left for South Africa.

Joy narrated this story from her South African base where she is working.Nox later got married and is residing in Mutare.Hoewver Joy still has the trauma, is sceptical that Nox has reformed and is afraid to come back to Mutare. Even if she is to be married she he believes Nox may wreak havoc in her marriage unless she relocates to another town or city. Hoewever, she praises God for saving her soul when she was facing the life turbulence.Tariro-Hope for the Infertile and Childless(THIC) support group counsellors are carrying continous counselling sessions on Joy so that she lives a trauma free life and educating her on infertility issues with the hope that one day she will be married and be a happy mother  according to Psalms 113:9 : "He gives children to the childless wife ,so that she becomes a happy mother ".

Heaven Munyuki is a Co-founder of Tariro-Hope for the Infertile and Childless ,a Christian-based support group that seeks to help the infertile and childless.

To join the support group or for views and comments
He can be contacted on +263718745374 ,facebook page Tariro-Hope Mwanachipo ,email

Source - Heaven Munyuki
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