Extra chat with Auntie Noe - Signs of Immaturity in Marriage

Being a long weekend back home, by popular demand some have been asking for something for the weekend. Well let's talk about some immaturity we throw into our marriages.

For Men......
1) Rejecting food when there's an issue:

One of the things i hold in high esteem about my father is the fact that i never saw him reject my mother's food even when they had serious misunderstandings. You give your wife money for food and after all the effort she puts in preparing the food,you refuse to eat it all because you're angry. Come on! Grow up. You shouldn't even abandon your home for any reason,yes you can go somewhere when angry but ensure that you don't allow it to linger unnecessarily because that is enough for the devil to build on.

2) Telling your wife severally that you're the head:

May I tell you that even when your wife disobeys or disrespect you she still knows that you're the head. You need not to shout or scream it daily. Its important for you to know when and how to be firm and to put your foot down over issues, however know your boundaries and don't become a nagging husband just to prove that you're the head.

3) Issuing threats;

Beating, verbally abusing your wife, issuing threats of divorce or bragging about marrying another wife does not make you a man. Your strength is in your ability to tame tour tongue and control your fists. When she's acting "childish" play the MATURED MAN

4) Reporting your wife to friends and family:

When your wife offends you, correct and talk things through. You don't have to tell everyone about her mistakes, that will paint her black and sell her cheap such that you will not be able to redeem her back. It is also out of place to love your mother more than your wife and kids,doing this is a recipe for disaster and sets up your home for crisis

5) Competition:

Have you seen couples who compete with each other over material acquisitions? Their properties and investments are always in separate names. As the wife borrows to buy a Ferrari, the husband is running after a Bugatti. How childish can people be. This also leads to insecurity, jealousy or inferiority or superiority complexes in the home. Please check yourselves and work as a team.

6) Keeping malice;

Is it not funny that some men keep malice. Some of them even nag, criticise,abuse and call their wives names in public. It may make you look like a BIG BOY who is in control but you're not going to gain anything from it. Your home will only be a den of insults and confrontations.

7) Not helping with house chores:

In our African society, it is the sole responsibility of a woman to manage a home. However, it is not a bad thing if a man lends a helping hand when necessary. Watching football with a newspaper in your hands every evening not caring how stressful the house chores are will only increase pressure on your wife and if you truly care you will help. Not only that but checking on her while busy could encourage and soothe her, this also makes you a good example to your kids especially boys. Some men don't even say "Thank you" to their wives after eating, all they do is attack her everytime she does wrong and compare her with other women. It is also childish to say you do not care how the kids are raised. Its a shame that after having three to four kids, some men can not change a simple diaper or prepare cereal.

8: Spiritually grow your family;

Lastly every men should have a church where his family is watered and raised spiritually, this makes you accountable. Its not good to be a sheep without a shepherd. As you learn to grow in the right fold, you will be able to take lead as the HEAD of the home.

Thank you for the letters you are sending through, the compliments are great and motivating. A brother says he has been married to his wife for 13 years and suddenly his wife says she has lost interest for s*x and he is so irritated and thinking of quitting the marriage!!! Yohhhhhh!

I doubt that a woman can suddenly lose interest in s*x. Something would have triggered her and its usually TRUST issues. If she suspects that you are cheating that is usually the reaction you will get. Tension at home can be another cause. If you are always fighting and not complementing each other the sex will die a natural death. Some married people tend to relax soon as they are married, s*x is made so dull and routine and certainly interest dies. I would advise my brother to open up and discuss their bedroom life with his wife she will open up and once you correct her concerns she will be as wild as she was 13 years ago. Good luck.

Enjoy the long weekend and remember to keep those matters coming through. We will discuss them.