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Wednesday chat with Auntie Noe - Love and Jealousy

by Nobuhle Virgie
22 Oct 2014 at 08:09hrs | Views

Love and Jealousy: Understanding the Emotional Dynamics

Jealousy has long been viewed as an emotion that safeguards love. There are people who believe that the presence of jealousy in a relationship is an evidence of how much they care for someone, and how much they are cared for in return. However, this is also one of the primary factors why some relationships fail.

While the jealous party may blame the other person for giving them a reason to feel suspicious, in reality it is more often a reflection of one's personal issues. The tendency for an individual to become jealous actually depends not only on the situation. It varies from person to person, with those who have a naturally insecure personality falling prey on it more frequently.

Jealousy can manifest itself in several ways. Some of the classic reasons why people experience this crippling emotion are as follows:

Fear of losing loved one
Loving someone and being loved in return is such a heartwarming experience that perhaps nobody would be willing to lose or give it up easily. If the stability of the relationship is threatened in any way, jealous responses may arise. This is often propelled by the fear of losing the person that one cares for the most.

Lack of trust
Jealousy is basically an issue of trust. A loving relationship that is built on trust and openness is less likely to suffer from issues of jealousy, compared to a relationship in which the partners keep things from each other. However, lack of trust does not only result from infidelity and other behaviors that warrant doubt and suspicion. Sometimes, even though the other person is perfectly faithful, there are individuals who find it hard to give their trust completely.

Unwillingness to share attention
It feels good to be the apple of someone's eye. If there are signs that somebody else is commanding a beloved's attention - whether this is real or just imagined - anger and jealousy will ultimately arise.

Desire to control loved one
Love is generally a positive feeling but it can sometimes evolve into unhealthy responses if approached in a wrong way. In certain cases, there is a need to always have one's way in the relationship. Jealousy may be used as a means to control and make a partner conform to the individual's wants.

Excessive feelings of jealousy may often interfere with a person's rational thinking. This compels some individuals to do things that could actually drive away the partner that they are desperately trying to keep. Although experts agree that this emotion is a natural survival mechanism that aims to preserve a relationship, jealousy is in fact a very destructive feeling. The only chance that this emotion may serve a constructive purpose is if the person suffering from it would recognize this as a sign to look within the self and work on their negative feelings.

Nobuhle Virgie (Auntie Noe) is our weekly lifestyle and relationship columnist. If you have any relationship or lifestyle issues that you need to be assisted on email her at or send us a whatsapp (+44 750 1941957) message and Auntie Noe will try by all means to help you on the matter.

Source - Nobuhle Virgie
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