Wednesday chat with Auntie Noe - 5 fundamental steps to a fruitful marriage

1. WHY do you want to get married? Interrogate your reasons, your motive. Is it because you want to love and be loved long term? To raise a family? To raise a God-loving family? For companionship? Or is it because society is forcing you? It's the next phase after University/ College and work? You want to copy what your peers have done? Single parenthood is a burden to you and you want to use marriage to escape or lighten the burden? You want to hook up with someone for financial security?… Your motive will dictate everything. If your reasons are wrong or misplaced, everything else that follows will be messed up.

2. WHO do you get married to? Once you have your reasons and motive, find someone who fits that motive. If your reason is love, companionship, to raise a family, someone to grow with; choose someone with the right qualities. A bus to Nigeria will not take you to South Africa.

3. WHEN do you get married? It's one thing to meet the person right for marriage, it's another to get married. Take time to know each other, don't rush the process of courtship but don't delay it too. You both have to be ready for marriage not just one of you. None should feel rushed or forced. Are there things to do before marriage? You will never be fully ready for marriage but you must be sufficiently ready, the foundation is crucial

4. HOW do you get married? This one is all about both your preference and style plus your financial muscle. Is it a garden wedding, church wedding, an intimate wedding, a big wedding, a musical wedding, a wedding at the Attorney General's? Be careful not to spend so much money on a lavish wedding and end up with a broke home in marriage. What's the point in making a big show for the public but financially struggle as a married couple? You can do a small wedding and renew your vows in a big way some years into the marriage.

5. WHAT kind of marriage will you have? This one is dictated by what kind of spouse you will be and what kind of spouse your partner will be when already married. Don't change, don't stop pleasing each other, don't stop learning each other, making each other smile when you get married. Spice up your love, have affairs with each other and not outsiders, flirt with each other, go on dates with your wife/ husband!