This n that with Mal'phosa - Let us sPray

Abantu amanga! Just this week they were claiming that the price of doom is going to go up ten-fold. They said that the manufacturers had invented new uses for their product - something like, Lacto - it's a food, it's a drink - so that people will not only buy it for its insecticide properties but also as a multi-purpose problem solver. In short, if you want to increase sales of your product, find new uses for it.

It all started with this pastor Doomisani from siyaku Doomisa church in doomelang, Limpopo. Well, if you haven't heard, he is the new kid on the block Vis a Vis ukwenza izmanga with just about anything he can lay his hands on. His magic is doom - yes that chocking pungent weapon of mass destruction against cockroaches and mosquitoes and other biting and stinging nuisances. The pastor, apparently, had the Holy Spirit or son or father whispering to him to use it to sole or heal his sheep's ailments.

Social media is afloat with pictures of the pastor drenching his sheep's problematic body parts with the prickly fluid, with their eyes wide open. I saw people being sprayed straight into their eyes, onto their tummies, on their legs; I saw people's purses and wallets being sprayed because they are barren; I saw those vocally challenged ones spray doom into their throats and later sing like angels. I saw some spraying ATMs because they gave them the zero zero balance. This, says the pastor, is gods power at work in action. He says Jesus himself used mud and saliva to heal people. He also says that with faith, we can use anything to solve problems.

I am not about to think outside the box for anything I can use to solve my financial or health or social problems. I see a chance to make money by stocking this product and changing the labels and instructions. 'Facing doom? Use Doom!' or 'DoomLife? Let us Spray!'

Or I might end up starting my own Church; like this fugitive from Angola who started his own church in Zimbabwe and was doing amazing things to his ever growing congregation. Wherever he is, u rich and kind!  

Pastor Doomi claims that commands spirits to enter you and then uses Doom to 'spray" or doom them out of you to show God's power. Well, who would ever thought we could have God's power, in a can. Reminds one of that Pastor who used to sell 'fertility' water to such a large scale people came back for more. Even white people from abroad came to buy the water because they were so desperate for children. Surprisingly, all these white couples had black children. I would advise the men to do a thorough DNA test everyday until the machines spoke the truth.

But honestly what is wrong with us - isizwe esimnyama? Have we always been such crooked crooks or it is poverty that has taught us to adapt and survive? And have we always been this stupid, gullible and desperate as to believe anything these 'men of God' tell us? How do they manage to hypnotize the whole congregation just so that they can manipulate abuse and dupe us? Where is our thinking capacity when all this happens? Who are we going to blame should our systems decide to react to all the rats, grass, diesel, lizards, insecticides and many other poisonous things that these men stuff into our systems? I looked at the constituents of Doom - its no good news - most of them have a skeleton placed nicely against them.

Another thing that baffles me is, umoya ongcwele lo usebenza njani? Does he (it) work differently ebantwini abamnyama as it does emakhiweni? Maybe. May be not. There are not many white people in Zimbabwe and it will be difficult to know. And I have never attended a Whites Only Church to see if this madness is prevalent there too. May theirs is a different 'Holy Spirit'. But bonke bayavuma - umoya lizawubona ngemisebenzi. Siyayibona imisebenzi ye mimoya engcwele - people using Doom to castout demons and heal ailments; people turning grass into bread; people changing diesel to Oros or Mazoe; all the while, all of them claim basetshenziswa ngumoya ongcwele. Meanwhile, the results are there for all of us Thomases to see. Bayasila abantu. And the pastors have multitudes of followers. Who am I, then, to say they are being led by evil spirits or Lucifer himself? We see them in broad daylight praying to the same God everyone prays to. They will only mention the devil when they are ranting against him and telling to go to hell!

Incidentally, most of these Pastors tend to take the war against the devil way to personal. Like this one engahamba ku Church yakhe the last time I went to church in year 2000; 'Usatane uhlupha bantwana bakankulunkulu maan! Usatane mhlathi kanina!" Awu! But well, as I said, abantu amanga! Doom still costs a petty R25 rand a can, like it did before pastor Doomi started his Doomisani Church in Doomisang.  Ngiyabonga mina!