Tsvangirai's 8 days, Didymus' poverty lessons

According to Morgan Tsvangirai, the grand opposition coalition will be in place within the next eight days. The MDC-T leader was actually serious when he spoke about the July 31 deadline. On the other hand, Didymus Mutasa remains stubborn and arrogant, but then poverty is teaching him a few lessons on humility. But to be honest, Didymus is much better than many in Zanu-PF who are faking it.

It's no longer news that the coalition deal is dead.

All that is happening now is reckless bravado talk which will take opposition politics nowhere. It's really sad because Zanu-PF needs some kicking now and then to keep it on its toes.

And who has killed the coalition deal - it's none other than Morgan. After all these years in the opposition trenches, Morgan hasn't learnt a thing.

A few weeks ago, Morgan just woke up announcing that the deadline for the talks is the end of this month.

According to Morgan, the coalition pact should be sealed in the next eight days. Yes, eight days!

Indeed, Save is not well. Zvaramba zvakangovadaro. Not surprisingly, last Monday, the Daily News "without fear or favour" decided to be honest by asking a frank question: "Is Tsvangirai fit to fun for presidency?" Bishop Lazarus won't answer this one, but mese Save murikungovaona. His trips to South Africa for medical check-ups have become just too frequent in recent weeks.

Reports were even awash in the social media that doctors in South Africa had told Morgan that he has six months to live. Yes, six months? That's really scary, but then as we all know, God is both the author and sustainer of life according to Acts 17 vs 25-28 and 1 Timothy 6 vs 13. Morgan should not worry too much about the six months. Kutaura kwevanhu vepano pasi.

For those not in the know, Morgan was diagnosed with cancer of the colon sometime in June last year and since then he has been receiving treatment in South Africa.

I wish Morgan a speedy recovery. We need Morgan because whether we like him or hate him, he changed opposition politics in the country.

He brought some vibe to opposition politics.

But with all his experience in opposition politics, Morgan was dead wrong to tell us that by the end of this month, the grand coalition would be in place.

No wonder why Joice seized the opportunity to get some political mileage. "What I am saying is that July 31 is not a practical date . . . Unfortunately, there are some people who have a big brother attitude . . . This mentality that only I can do this is wrong; let us self-introspect and agree on a leader who is acceptable to everyone," charged Joice.

A few days earlier, the future MDC-T leader Nelson Chamisa had said things that must have gotten into the nerves of Joice. Said Chamisa: "Vanhu vese vanoziva munhu anga achivhima nguva yose . . . " Can someone press the pause button?

Yes, shuwa,shuwa we know anga achivhima nguva yose, but shuwa, shuwa nguva yose munhu achingovhima pasina chabatwa. Imbwa dzake dzatoneta. Saka tongomusiya achivhima kusvika madhongi amera nyanga? Umm, nzwiraiwo imbwa dzake tsitsi. Please don't accuse me of insulting anyone. Chamisa ndiye akataura zvekuvhima and kwedu tovhima nembwa.

Chamisa continued his statement saying " . . . iwe woona mhuka yakabatwa gumbo wotora banga wocheka musoro, ndeyako?" Well, as it turns out, hapana kana mhuka yabatwa gumbo. Chamisa was just trying to tell Joice kuti chinhu ndechedu ichi. Obviously, Joice felt undermined and she decided to hit back.

Zapu president Dumiso Dabengwa joined the fray and fired a salvo at Morgan.

"There are certain areas that they say are not negotiable, for instance the name of the coalition will not be negotiated. It will be MDC-T. And the other hint we received is that the leader of the coalition is also not negotiable because the leader is already there," said a clearly dejected Dabengwa.

Well, according to the veteran opposition leader in eight days, the grand coalition will be in place. Majokosi chaiwo. Yaramba grand coalition, vakutamba zvavo vana Morgan. Let's leave them to enjoy.

Didymus Mutasa will tell you there is nothing to enjoy these days.

Things are just not well, but mudhara Dhidhi is trying to put up a brave face. Munyu wapera kumba and so Didymus wants some assistance from President Mugabe but these are "pengaudzoke" times and so Dhidhi is beating about the bushes kurasisa vavengi.

He says he wants a "sorry" from Zanu-PF and he wants the Zanu-PF secretary for administration to first write him a letter explaining why he was expelled from the party in the first place. Kikikiki! Kikikiki!

It's like a beggar coming to your house and say "can I have a piece of bread I am starving?" Just as you are about to hand him the piece of bread, the beggar demands that you should first say sorry to him and then explain to him why he is living in the streets.

Of course, Timothy 5 vs 1 says; "Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father," but Didymus ngaatikwanire. Ahh, nhai!

Presidential spokesperson, George Charamba put it aptly when he said: "It is not the President who is in the papers asking for an audience navaMutasa, it is Mutasa who has sent an SOS."

Didymus should know this is about feeding his young wife and family. He should know this is about that $70 000 electricity bill. He should know this is about survival. Usafurirwe zvakare mudhara Dhidhi. Swallow the little pride. Humble yourself. It's never too late navaMugabe.

But dear congregants we should bear with Didymus and even try to understand the little games he is playing. It's not easy for such an old man to climb down from the tree of shame. All the pomposity is gone. All the pride is gone. Kune zviororo two in this world - Zanu-PF nenhamo. Munhu anoita straight kunge ruler.

From a distance, Didymus saw lots of green grass and thought this was it.

Without giving it much thought, he packed his bags and did things that left many holding their noses tight. It was that bad.

Didymus crossed over to the green grass and to his horror, he discovered that the grass was all green because it was in the middle of a sewage. In no time, Didymus discovered that he was fast sinking into the sewage. Saka moda murume mukuru adii?

Surely, you can't expect Didymus to just wake up and say "sorry Gushungo, ndakafurirwa naRugare Gumbo. I want to come back to Zanu-PF. Ndinzwireiwo tsitsi baba."

No, you can't expect that? This is Didymus that stubborn and arrogant former Intelligence minister. Give him time. He will come around, because he knows that Proverbs 29 vs 23 says: "A person's pride will humble him, but a humble spirit will gain honour."

By the way, now it's Didymus but soon pachaita mudungwe as the prodigal sons and daughters troop back home. I repeat it for the umpteenth time, no one leaves Zanu-PF. This includes Joice. Just look at her and listen to what she is saying these days -it's all Zanu-PF talk. She is just waiting for what she thinks is the right time.

Let's pretend as if we are looking the other side. Let's pretend as if we are being troubled by the factionalists in Zanu-PF. Let's pretend as if we are being troubled by the circus in the Politburo. Let's pretend as if we are being distracted by the Saviour Kasukuwere issue.

Let's pretend as if our minds are busy elsewhere. From the blues you will hear mudhara Dhidhi-PFeeee, back in Zanu-PF. He will sing "vaMugabe chete chete!" It's only a matter of time.

Bishop Lazarus has a short message to Didymus. They say; "Making mistakes is better than faking perfections." Don't be ashamed of coming back home. There are so many who are faking it in Zanu-PF. Mutori nani mudhara.

Bishop is out!