Mnangagwa doesn't need a sick Tsvangirai for publicity

THE Holy Book in Ephesians 4 vs 25 advises us that: "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbour, for we are all members of one body." As a Bishop I think it's time to be brutally honest with some noisy neighbour.

By the time I am done preaching, you will understand 2 Corinthians 8 vs 21 which says: "For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man." There is this man who needs to be told the painful truth.

Let the sermon begin. Apologies in advance because handisi kurova imbwa ndakaviga mupinyi. I will even hit below the belt because kune vanhu vari kuda kuzviita maningindava. Isu tese takapusa ivo ndivo vangwaru.

The former Minister of Higher and Tertiary Education, Professor Jonathan Moyo, has been making a lot of unnecessary noise from Kenya. As a Bishop, I listen to some of the noise and say some people never learn. Chinombori chii chaizvo namuzvina fundo? Kuti mabook anopengesa? Hapeno?

After the welcome gesture by President Mnangagwa and Vice President General Constantino Chiwenga (Rtd) to visit MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai at his Highlands home on Friday, Prof Moyo said something that showed that he is still buried in the toxic G40 politics. We all know Tsvangirai is not well and so when the President and his VP visited him, the sober people of the world applauded the move saying "this is ubuntu at its best". My good brother Nelson Chamisa hailed the gesture as "new politics".

But Prof Moyo saw things otherwise. "This is no PR coup and no history. It's ambulance-chasing propaganda for the optics of exploiting the poor health of a terminally ill political rival. The propaganda is cynical, crude, desperate and unAfrican. It intrudes into and violates a constitutionally protected right to privacy," wrote Prof Moyo on Twitter. Oohh, really Prof?

Bishop Lazarus hopes you won't feel crushed when we remind you a few truths, dear Prof. We won't preach about ambulance-chasing propaganda. No. We will preach about a coffin-chasing propaganda. In the process, we will preach about the true meaning of a husband who has gone unAfrican.

Where do we start? Prof Moyo is accusing President Mnangagwa of turning to what he calls "ambulance-chasing propaganda" and went on to allege that the President was exploiting the "poor health of a terminally ill political rival" .

Well, let's take this clever professor to 2015 after the tragic death of his daughter Zanele. Let me make myself clear here – this sermon is by no means meant to show disrespect to Zanele or the mother. Zanele was a wonderful kid and may her soul rest in peace! But we need to remind the father of something that he thinks we have forgotten.

When Zanele passed on, Prof Moyo turned to what I call "coffin-chasing propaganda", using the death of her daughter for sympathy mining. Yes, the father was moaning and clearly he was crushed, but he went on to plant stories and cook up theories that left many people wondering whether this was a father vari kuchema mwana wavo?

Maybe this was just a grieving father, but he put up a show that left those watching from a distance wondering whether he was not using the death of his daughter to gain political capital and sympathy. That's "coffin-chasing propaganda". Exploiting the death of a dear daughter. This Bishop doesn't have a short memory.

And how did the cooked-up theories and the planted stories die – it later turned out that an overdose of drugs had taken the life out of the Professor's daughter. I could say more, but I want sweet Zanele to sleep in peace.

Prof Moyo also wants to preach to us about being "unAfrican". Kikikiki! Imi professor kwanai mhani. Akukwane wena mdala Jontso!

Prof Moyo is not qualified to preach to us about being "unAfrican". There is no African man who abandons his wife and kids when in trouble. African men stand for and with their wives and kids in times of trouble. But what did the professor do during Operation Restore Legacy? He dumped his wife, a foreigner for that matter, and his kids at former President Mugabe's house. Leaving even a mentally challenged son in the care of a 93-year-old man? Hakuna baba vakadaro muAfrica.

Prof Moyo wants to preach to us about being "unAfrican"? Is there any real African man who would dumps his family to save his skin? Iko kusanyara. Your wife is from Kenya iwe womutiza uchimhanya kuKenya. Wakaudza anatezvara kuti chii? What did you tell them? Wakati mwana wavo aripi?

Well, I hope you didn't lie kunana tezvara that her life was in danger because clearly her life wasn't in danger. The soldiers you were so scared of are the ones who were looking after your wife and as you know nothing was ever done to her.

Iri sei mharidzo vanhu vaMwari? Twakakwidza twaBishop. #asifuni bumbulu!

Now, regai timbowonesana. Prof Moyo implied that President Mnangagwa was exploiting hurwere hwaSave by visiting him at his residence. As it turns out, and this was reported in the private media, it was actually Tsvangirai who requested to meet the President. How then does this become a publicity stunt for the President?

Ngwena iri kuchimhanya yega. It doesn't need a sick Tsvangirai for publicity. As for elections, well, let me put it bluntly – President Mnangagwa doesn't have to struggle to win elections in 2018. He can only struggle to lose the elections. Just look at the political landscape.

Information reaching Bishop Lazarus is that besides calling for the meeting, Tsvangirai came out of the meeting a relieved man. Four issues that were giving him sleepless nights were sorted in those few minutes.

First, Tsvangirai was having sleepless nights regarding the issue of the Highlands house. You see, that house does not belong to Save and he was just wondering kuti odii nenyaya yacho. Reports say the President told Tsvangirai that he was entitled to make another offer to buy the house on affordable terms. As you read this sermon, Government is busy looking into the issue in a bid to come up with a solution that will leave Tsvangirai with breathing space.

Second, Tsvangirai is worried about the issue concerning his pension and so he took the opportunity to inquire kuti zvichafamba sei. Reports say the President committed to look into the issue and promised to sort the issue in a way that recognises and appreciates Save's service to the country – both as an opposition leader and as a former Prime Minister.

Third, hapenowo akanga aita mischief kwakutorera Save his diplomatic passport. Vanhu munodarirei nhai? Anyway, reports say the President told Save that he will soon get his diplomatic passport. The fourth issue that was eating Tsvangirai had to do with his medical bills.

It's important to give a brief background regarding the issue about Tsvangirai's medical bills. One of my trusted congregants (my church is home to both the big and small boys and so don't get surprised) told me that when Tsvangirai was taken ill a few years ago, a third party reached out to the former President Mugabe via the now VP Chiwenga. VP Chiwenga is the one who alerted the former President that Tsvangirai had been evacuated to South Africa due to cancer of the colon. Talk of Chiwenga the soldier and Chiwenga the human being. He could have just looked the other way saying this is a political rival, but he didn't.

Reports say the former president assigned the Chief Secretary to the Cabinet, Dr Misheck Sibanda, to foot Tsvangirai's medical bills. The people who went to State House to collect the funds to settle the medical bills were Morgan Komichi and Tsvangirai's two daughters. It feels so good to have congregants in higher places. Unonzwa tunhu. I saw Prophet Magaya last week vachidada naformer Zambian president Rupiah Banda and I said this boy is slowly getting into my league.

So as you can see dear congregants, Government has always been alive to Tsvangirai's health requirements. It's really not anyone's fault that Prof Moyo was never in the picture.

Suppose it turns out that President Mnangagwa holds another indaba with other opposition leaders in the country, what will the clever Prof say? Kutogara zvavo pasi President nemaopposition leaders kuState House kwakudya nzungu nechibahwe? What will umdala Jontso say?

As Chamisa aptly put it, this is "new politics". The time for hatred politics by G40 is over. Hatred politics failed dismally in Zimbabwe. Meanwhile, Prof Moyo should be a grateful refugee.

Kutonga kwaro! Mati madii?

Bishop is out!