Opinion / Columnist
Addictions and Bonding
20 Jan 2018 at 02:40hrs | Views
Do we really have to hate people because of whatever thing they are addicted to? Is addiction really bad or it can actually be saving one from something and after all, one way or the other… we are all going to die.
As long as something gives you hope and strength to face tomorrow, when you found yourself addicted to it then to me that is not bad at all because it is actually working for you no matter how hard others see it as a bad thing. Addictions become bad when they become stronger than you and take control over you.
When people hear the word addiction, they immediately start to think of all the bad things but no that's not it, person can also be addicted to good things. Each and every one of us is addicted to that one thing or more that takes away the pain. Never underestimate a person or people with addictions, we all fight for our lives everyday in ways most people would never understand. Be it prayer, music, water, drugs, weed etc.
Every addiction no matter what it is, is the result of trying to escape from something by going in the direction of a need that is currently not being met. Wise people will rather go out in life clean accepting that they are addicted to something than going through life convincing themselves that they are not, I take it as self abuse. People should understand that addiction is not a crime unless if it takes over them completely and controls everything about their lives. People with addictions tend to be their own problems and also their solutions.
Usually, a person can be cool with his or her addiction but people around him or her might not be. Addiction does not kill the addict, it kills the family, kids, and people who tried to help but not in all cases because it might depend.
Everyone got what he or she believes in and depends on, this is also when faith chips in. As long as you have faith in whatever thing whether big or small, trust me it will not let you down. If whatever you take or use makes you feel the moment, have it please and worry less about what people will say. That is how one gains greatness, by having confidence in life and on the ground they are standing on or have made. That is why most people even if they are not successful but as long as they have confidence, they succeed. Confidence is a gift or is a talent because it comes with the human package or can be groomed. It is easy for one to gain confidence once they become committed and focused. No wonder why people get jobs even if they failed interview questions but confidence helps them out. Whether what you are saying is right or wrong, once you gain confidence in it, it becomes so powerful now and can easily change things.
Most people are serving sentences in jail for the crimes they never commited because they lacked confidence while the real criminals are walking out freely because of confidence. If you want to stay out of bondage, first gain confidence in whatever you believe in and see if you will fail. Put it to test and see if it works for you. If it does not, the alphabet has 20 something more letters to come, try other options and keep trying until you reach there, NEVER GIVE UP. Many people fail in life because they have only one option and when it fails, their dreams are shuttered. Some might want to argue that having plan B is lack of confidence, but no it is not. Whatever you do in life, if you want to stay happy please do leave a little room for disappointment no matter how hard you strongly believe what you have planned. That is how clever people deal with life. Even if it comes to love, do not trust 100% , trust but not with your all. This is what leads to suicides or heartbreaks when one is dumped. Have a way of dealing with situations, get a little addiction to something that works for you.
Fast forward, then I understand what they say about drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes to kill stress. What it looks like to be dealing with stress man to man. This will also lead to addiction. Once something gets into you and assists you face your battles, you will always refer to it every now and then because it is working for you. If it's God, weed, sangomas, traditional healers, miteuro/ mapositori, alcohol, sleep, eating, music, movies, games etc anything a person is capable of getting addicted to. If it's Grandpa, pain-eeze, water or sleep that kills your headache, then you will make sure you have it in bulky whether real or artificial so as to deal with your day to day challenges, troubles, struggles, problems or whatever you choose to call it and lead a happy life.
We can not eradicate all the challenges and struggles that comes with living life but rather we can deal with them and get over them. Judge people less for what they do and believe in. You never know what saved their lives the very same day they needed it the most. It's not everything that works for everyone, so let people be what they feel or want to be. It is their own lives, it should not in any way affect you. You might be there to judge the way I choose to live my life but you do not actually know what I went through during my first life. This life I am living now i choose to call it my second life, I take my life as a cycle because the journey I am in right now is not my first journey. Most of the things that happen now I have see them, experienced them, heard them or felt them before. My first life, I was alone and only alone in the womb of a lady who carried me and kept me for nine good months, I choose to call her my mum.
I am forever grateful for a Mum because no matter how hard it seemed carrying me, she never felt tired, burdened and all that but she saw me as a very important gift before I came into this world. She loved me even before she never knew me. Imagine the love of a mother, she never imagined what kind of gift she was carrying after seeing many parents or mothers stress and die because of the gifts they kept and could have destroyed while others enjoyed life and lived happily ever after receiving their wonderful gifts. Even though my mother carried me, she never knew what kind of gift she is carrying but God already knew everything about the gift before it even existed. So God understands my story more than my mother. (Tying to bring out the most significant gifts we naturally have in this life.
We never had to fight for in order to gain them). Included in this world was God that is why God always understands me on whatever thing I choose to do because we have a history together. Then comes another person, your father especially the person who never denied you but rather made sure he was also part of your life ever since the day or moment he knew you existed and is with you up to now. That man who never argued with your mother why she let herself fall pregnant before he himself ready. I wonder why men are not always ready to accept that they have made a woman pregnant but they enjoy, like and force women by all means to everything that leads or results to pregnancy .
There is no way a woman can make another woman pregnant, never. Responsible fathers are also very important. I take them as my third position in my lifecycle hierarchy. I salute you all responsible fathers. Only a few men are responsible as compared to mothers, responsibility in men can be less significant even when it exists. There is no way you are going to do a bad thing and your mother blames it on your father but rather she believes it to be related to nature but your dad rather blames it on your Mum even if he can clearly see that it is completely linked to nature. But when you do a good thing, your father will quickly say my child, this is my child and tends to forget the role of the mother. That is why in Shona culture they say mai vanengozi or ukarova mai unotanda botso unlike on your father's side. Let me save this whole relationship thing for another day.
That is why it is quick for people to judge and not to forgive each other because we as individuals may not be able to understand each other. Whether we are twins, siblings, friends or people from the same blood line. Even your own parents might not understand you but God understands you. Now if you want so see whose side is much more significant or who played the biggest role in raising you, look at who will continue playing a role in your life even if your biological parents have died or are not with you anymore. In most if not all of what we face in life especially what I have felt in my life, it is mostly the mother's side that will make sure that you have a better life. They will never take you as a burden or responsibility once your parents die but they will also take you as a gift. Whatever you need, they will try by all means to make sure you get it. But there is also a certain percentage where a father can even be more responsible and welcoming unlike your mother.
Mothers are naturally made to care but fathers are not naturally made to care and love but when it comes to men, the love and care comes with time or as a process. Men are taught how to love or would be taught how to love but women are just born like that. Maybe that is why they say mothers are important hence mother's tongue is much dominant in a child because the child whether a boy or a girl are always communicating with their mothers or may have long chats or conversations with mothers than with their fathers.
That is why they understand each other more than the way a father can understand a girl or boy child. NB: yes it can also happen the other way round by 5%. Especially in my African culture, a boy or girl whether he or she is now married or not, they easily kiss their mothers whilst with fathers, it won't be that easy kissing and all that when they have grown especially the boys.
…. to be continued
As long as something gives you hope and strength to face tomorrow, when you found yourself addicted to it then to me that is not bad at all because it is actually working for you no matter how hard others see it as a bad thing. Addictions become bad when they become stronger than you and take control over you.
When people hear the word addiction, they immediately start to think of all the bad things but no that's not it, person can also be addicted to good things. Each and every one of us is addicted to that one thing or more that takes away the pain. Never underestimate a person or people with addictions, we all fight for our lives everyday in ways most people would never understand. Be it prayer, music, water, drugs, weed etc.
Every addiction no matter what it is, is the result of trying to escape from something by going in the direction of a need that is currently not being met. Wise people will rather go out in life clean accepting that they are addicted to something than going through life convincing themselves that they are not, I take it as self abuse. People should understand that addiction is not a crime unless if it takes over them completely and controls everything about their lives. People with addictions tend to be their own problems and also their solutions.
Usually, a person can be cool with his or her addiction but people around him or her might not be. Addiction does not kill the addict, it kills the family, kids, and people who tried to help but not in all cases because it might depend.
Everyone got what he or she believes in and depends on, this is also when faith chips in. As long as you have faith in whatever thing whether big or small, trust me it will not let you down. If whatever you take or use makes you feel the moment, have it please and worry less about what people will say. That is how one gains greatness, by having confidence in life and on the ground they are standing on or have made. That is why most people even if they are not successful but as long as they have confidence, they succeed. Confidence is a gift or is a talent because it comes with the human package or can be groomed. It is easy for one to gain confidence once they become committed and focused. No wonder why people get jobs even if they failed interview questions but confidence helps them out. Whether what you are saying is right or wrong, once you gain confidence in it, it becomes so powerful now and can easily change things.
Most people are serving sentences in jail for the crimes they never commited because they lacked confidence while the real criminals are walking out freely because of confidence. If you want to stay out of bondage, first gain confidence in whatever you believe in and see if you will fail. Put it to test and see if it works for you. If it does not, the alphabet has 20 something more letters to come, try other options and keep trying until you reach there, NEVER GIVE UP. Many people fail in life because they have only one option and when it fails, their dreams are shuttered. Some might want to argue that having plan B is lack of confidence, but no it is not. Whatever you do in life, if you want to stay happy please do leave a little room for disappointment no matter how hard you strongly believe what you have planned. That is how clever people deal with life. Even if it comes to love, do not trust 100% , trust but not with your all. This is what leads to suicides or heartbreaks when one is dumped. Have a way of dealing with situations, get a little addiction to something that works for you.
Fast forward, then I understand what they say about drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes to kill stress. What it looks like to be dealing with stress man to man. This will also lead to addiction. Once something gets into you and assists you face your battles, you will always refer to it every now and then because it is working for you. If it's God, weed, sangomas, traditional healers, miteuro/ mapositori, alcohol, sleep, eating, music, movies, games etc anything a person is capable of getting addicted to. If it's Grandpa, pain-eeze, water or sleep that kills your headache, then you will make sure you have it in bulky whether real or artificial so as to deal with your day to day challenges, troubles, struggles, problems or whatever you choose to call it and lead a happy life.
I am forever grateful for a Mum because no matter how hard it seemed carrying me, she never felt tired, burdened and all that but she saw me as a very important gift before I came into this world. She loved me even before she never knew me. Imagine the love of a mother, she never imagined what kind of gift she was carrying after seeing many parents or mothers stress and die because of the gifts they kept and could have destroyed while others enjoyed life and lived happily ever after receiving their wonderful gifts. Even though my mother carried me, she never knew what kind of gift she is carrying but God already knew everything about the gift before it even existed. So God understands my story more than my mother. (Tying to bring out the most significant gifts we naturally have in this life.
We never had to fight for in order to gain them). Included in this world was God that is why God always understands me on whatever thing I choose to do because we have a history together. Then comes another person, your father especially the person who never denied you but rather made sure he was also part of your life ever since the day or moment he knew you existed and is with you up to now. That man who never argued with your mother why she let herself fall pregnant before he himself ready. I wonder why men are not always ready to accept that they have made a woman pregnant but they enjoy, like and force women by all means to everything that leads or results to pregnancy .
There is no way a woman can make another woman pregnant, never. Responsible fathers are also very important. I take them as my third position in my lifecycle hierarchy. I salute you all responsible fathers. Only a few men are responsible as compared to mothers, responsibility in men can be less significant even when it exists. There is no way you are going to do a bad thing and your mother blames it on your father but rather she believes it to be related to nature but your dad rather blames it on your Mum even if he can clearly see that it is completely linked to nature. But when you do a good thing, your father will quickly say my child, this is my child and tends to forget the role of the mother. That is why in Shona culture they say mai vanengozi or ukarova mai unotanda botso unlike on your father's side. Let me save this whole relationship thing for another day.
That is why it is quick for people to judge and not to forgive each other because we as individuals may not be able to understand each other. Whether we are twins, siblings, friends or people from the same blood line. Even your own parents might not understand you but God understands you. Now if you want so see whose side is much more significant or who played the biggest role in raising you, look at who will continue playing a role in your life even if your biological parents have died or are not with you anymore. In most if not all of what we face in life especially what I have felt in my life, it is mostly the mother's side that will make sure that you have a better life. They will never take you as a burden or responsibility once your parents die but they will also take you as a gift. Whatever you need, they will try by all means to make sure you get it. But there is also a certain percentage where a father can even be more responsible and welcoming unlike your mother.
Mothers are naturally made to care but fathers are not naturally made to care and love but when it comes to men, the love and care comes with time or as a process. Men are taught how to love or would be taught how to love but women are just born like that. Maybe that is why they say mothers are important hence mother's tongue is much dominant in a child because the child whether a boy or a girl are always communicating with their mothers or may have long chats or conversations with mothers than with their fathers.
That is why they understand each other more than the way a father can understand a girl or boy child. NB: yes it can also happen the other way round by 5%. Especially in my African culture, a boy or girl whether he or she is now married or not, they easily kiss their mothers whilst with fathers, it won't be that easy kissing and all that when they have grown especially the boys.
…. to be continued
Source - lifetalkwithbelinda.wordpress.com
All articles and letters published on Bulawayo24 have been independently written by members of Bulawayo24's community. The views of users published on Bulawayo24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Bulawayo24. Bulawayo24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
