It was a coup d'etat, no doubt

My People, Finally the truth is out. I have said it before and I will say it again. Muri makwara! You are cowards!

Since November you have been coming up with foolish attempts to try and sanitise what we all knew was a coup.

What military-assisted transition to democracy? New dispensation? Targeting criminals around the president? All drivel.

As the great Robert Gabriel Mugabe said on Friday: "It was a coup d'etat."

All those people bringing tanks and guns to remove a 94-year-old man.

Anyway if it walks like a duck, then it must be a duck.

When a coup happens, especially in West African countries, the soldiers seize the national television station.

An officer wearing military fatigues then addresses the nation and provides a list of how they are expected to behave themselves.

When the new leadership is announced, it is usually dominated by soldiers who simply discard their combat fatigues for the more comfortable Italian suits.

Sounds familiar? Anyway, simply put, what we had was a coup and when soldiers become the rulers, that establishment is usually referred to as a military junta.

Swallowing Zapu is like taking poison

As Robert Mugabe's Fifth Brigade soldiers left a trail of death and destruction in Midlands and Matabeleland, Joshua Nkomo was forced to come to the negotiating table which resulted in the sham unity agreement which all but swallowed Zapu.

It is said some senior Zapu officials raised their concerns on the fact that they were all but being swallowed by their colleagues in Zanu.

However, senior Zapu officials, who were more worried about stopping the death merchants from continuing with their genocidal madness, are reported to have pacified agitated activists with one sentence.

(Nobody can swallow Zapu) "Swallowing Zapu is like taking poison."

Watching the problems that Gushungo is facing today would be a subtle reminder to the saying that he may have taken some poison when he made it his mission to subdue and swallow Nkomo.

He and his lieutenants, who have now removed him from power, used to enjoy humiliating the late Nkomo.

Now they are humiliating him, including saluting him in front of world television cameras when they knew that they had him under house arrest.

No doubt Robert will have noticed the key role played by former Zipra guerillas in his ouster.

Fighting corruption

All of you will no doubt have noticed the monumental failure by the military junta to rein in corruption.

All this has been done by arresting people for very horrific acts of corruption which have been a serious threat to the lives of Zimbabweans.

The first major act of corruption that the junta targeted involves former minister Makhosini Hlongwane, who is also a farmer.

He was arrested after he was found with beans on his farm. We can't have farmers taking their sweet time to sell the products when the people need food.

Or maybe he was planning to donate the beans to some G40 supporters.

The other gigantic crime which the military junta is actively working on involves Walter Mzembi, the former Tourism minister.

He donated some television sets to some churches and we all know that such televisions should have been given to "the leadership in the party and government".

How could he donate beautiful and expensive television sets to churches?

Does he not know that the leadership fought for this country during the war?

At least he should have donated to some well-known Zanu-PF churches which are always ready to say whoever is the leader has been ordained to rule.

Meanwhile, I am reminded of one Bishop Ndanga who a few months ago was endorsing Gushungo to lead us forever, but as a result of the new dispensation, he is having to say the same thing about Lizard Ngwena.

A listening president who doesn't listen

So Lizard Ngwena has been going on and on about how he is a listening president.

That is very good for him and I think that is a very good slogan for him.

That slogan is obviously meant to say that unlike Gushungo, he the Lizard listens.

There is only one problem.

He doesn't listen. One would almost say he is becoming as obdurate as Gushungo who isolated the country for many years.

If Lizard is a listening president, has he heard what the people think about the obedient son?

Good thing is people will have an opportunity to indicate what they think about Lizard retaining his friend the obedient one.

The election should be a good chance to send nice messages to leaders across the political divide.

The Alphabet Party

First it was just MDC. Then it became more colourful as it began splitting.

MDC-(T)svangirai, MDC (M)utambara, MDC- 99(Sikhala) MDC (N)cube and on the horizon we see MDC (K)hupe and MDC (C)hamisa.

Ntombizodwa woyeee!

Gushungo Regasi woyee!

Dr Amai Stopit! (Fake PhD from UZ)

l Feedback: Doctorstopit@gmail.com