MDC Alliance: Pitfalls of running without ‘mother's milk of politics'

"DADDY, I think Chamisa will be defeated by ZEC. He can't win this election," my seven-year-old daughter said to me last week. "What do you mean?" I asked her. "Isn't it that Chamisa and ZEC are going to clash in th elections?" she responded with conviction. "No, it's not an election between ZEC and Chamisa," I corrected her. "Ohhh, really? So why is Chamisa always fighting ZEC?" she innocently asked. I went on to explain the correct position, but this short conversation was enough to tell me that something is wrong somewhere.

Little Chamisa's obsession with the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC) has reached alarming levels. It's as if the July 30 election pits him against the electoral body. No wonder why my inquisitive daughter was getting all mixed up. Sekuru vangu Matope (May his soul rest in peace) would say "Ko nhaiwe wopedzera miseve kumakunguwo, hanga dzichauya."

Little Chamisa is misdirecting his energy. Wopedzera tumari tushomatwo kuZEC while ZANU-PF is getting on with the real electoral business? One is tempted to think little Chamisa is falling into a ZANU-PF trap where they keep you busy neturo tusina maturo while they harvest votes. Inonzi ZANU-PF iyoyo.

Anyway, so little Chamisa had his demo against ZEC last Wednesday in Harare. Quite a number of drunk MDC Alliance supporters supported their leader. They made lots of noise in the streets of Harare and as usual all this was captured by the social media. In no time some were talking about the supposed bumper crowd that had turned up for the demo.

"ZANU-PF should be worried about this," some suggested. "Chamisa ane vanhu hey, hey," others observed. Bishop Lazarus heard it all and laughed.

Why should ZANU-PF be worried nemurimi anodada nechibage chiri mudura chaakakohwa gore rapera? Toda murimi anoratidza humizha hwake nechibage chiri mumunda, kwete chibage chegore rakapera. It's very possible kuti pane varasana naBishop ipapa panyaya yemurimi.

Anyway, there was nothing for ZANU-PF to worry about that crowd because ZANU-PF knows the opposition has such supporters in Harare. Those supporters are like chibage chegore rakapera chiri mudura. There is nothing to worry about at all. ZANU-PF was going to be worried if the opposition was showing that it has won over more and new supporters, but that wasn't the case. It was the usual crowd of drunkards who take those demos as a way to kill time.

The gullible privately-owned media as usual got overexcited. "Chamisa piles pressure on ED . . . as MDC Alliance demo attracts bumper crowd," screamed one of the papers. "I'll announce poll results: Chamisa," the other paper screamed. The naivety is nauseating, to be honest. No deep thought and no critical eye. It's "zvatapihwa naChamisa tinogamuchira without any thought process".

Little Chamisa can never pile pressure on President Mnangagwa using that crowd. He just can't. Instead, very soon little Chamisa will realise the folly of his actions. That crowd will soon come back to haunt him as election observers give reports saying "the electoral field was even as the opposition was given enough space to demonstrate". So instead of piling pressure on ED, that crowd should actually excite ED because that crowd will work wonders to give him legitimacy.

In case little Chamisa has forgotten, a quick reminder here may be useful to little Chamisa and those thinking that that Harare crowd should worry the President.  Does anyone still remember the Permanent Secretary for Information, Media and Broadcasting Services, Mr George Charamba, saying the following: "This election is about restoring international re-engagement and legitimacy; that is where we are. It must be flawless, it must be transparent, it must be free, it must be fair, it must meet international standards, it must be violence free and therefore it must be universally endorsed because it is an instrument of foreign policy . . . It's about re-engagement and legitimacy; we are playing politics at a higher level."

The import of what Mr Charamba was saying is that demonstrations like the one that the opposition organised last Wednesday are very welcome for legitimacy purposes. So hey you gullible scribes, that demonstration was not about piling pressure on ED, but was about legitimising ED. With opposition leaders like little Chamisa, there is really no need to do much. They do much for you.

As he sought spiritual illumination we read Psalm 119 vs 18 that David said:  "Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law." Little Chamisa needs to whisper such a prayer to his lost mind. But then it seems we are a little late to save this little boy.

Besides organising a demo to legitimise the July 30 elections, the little boy is taking the tomfoolery to violent levels. Reports say after getting no joy from the demo, little Chamisa with the help of a few hoodlums stormed ZEC offices threatening to unleash violence.

"ZANU-PF and President Mnangagwa must be whispering 'yes, yes! Go Chamisa, go!" Besides exposing little Chamisa as a violent and clueless leader, that silly act at the ZEC offices works wonders with election observers. "While President Mnangagwa was preaching peace, MDC Alliance leader Chamisa was leading in perpetrating violence," reports by election observers will say. What else can President Mnangagwa ask for?

We have for long known that little Chamisa will act silly and desperate as the election clock continues ticking, but never thought it would be so early in this month of July. And many are wondering why little Chamisa losing it so fast. Well, the usual culprits told us the story, but then we chose to ignore them. Professor Welshman Ncube and Tendai Biti gave us an explanation a few days ago.

Biti was the first to openly expose the MDC Alliance confessing that the party had nothing in its coffers. He said something to the effect that "tiri kurarama nenyasha dzaMwari blah, blah, blah." Professor Ncube decided to hammer the point in emphatic fashion.

"We are living on a hand to mouth budget, and this is a daily thing. As of now no one has contributed towards that. But we have done posters and billboards and we will continue to appeal for donations. There is a finance committee headed by Tendai Biti, which is working 24×7 to mobilise resources," said Prof Ncube.

Now dear congregants, you should understand little Chamisa when he acts silly and all. Kushaya mari kunoshatirisa, especially to someone who once had a good taste of easy and cheap money. All that anger against ZEC and kungovukura, it's the little boy venting his anger and desperation.

There is no politics without money. Was it US politician Jesse "Big Daddy" Unruh who once said: "Money is the mother's milk of politics?" The MDC Alliance has no "mother's milk of politics" and the anger by little Chamisa should be understandable.

In their 2016 book, "The Cost of Democracy," Kevin Casas-Zamora and Daniel Zoratto clearly articulate how expensive democracy is and little Chamisa is making this discovery at a wrong time. According to the writers, there is one unavoidable fact - that is while democracy has no price, it does have an operating cost. In addition, the writers note that the use of economic resources is an essential element for democratic competition.

Saka moda mwana adii? He is realising that money is the fuel of politics, apa haana mari yacho. Odii mwana? Unongoitawo tuhasha so, so that your drunk supporters in the stupor think zviri kufamba.

Can you imagine these people who knew elections were coming but still failed to get organised and raise funds for their campaign think they can run this country? Ngatimire mafunnies imi vanhu.

But then little Chamisa's frustration is making him say the weirdest things. He now wants ZANU-PF to join him in his acts of desperation.

"ZANU-PF has never complained, not even once. Which team have you seen that plays a game without complaining, not even once to an impartial referee? It's therefore clear that they are not players in this game and that the referee has picked a side," moaned little Chamisa last week.

Kwanzi naChamisa, ZANU-PF ngatichemei tese? Zhamba wega iwe. ZANU-PF is busy campaigning on the ground.

Dear congregants, don't be surprised when little Chamisa does the unthinkable in the coming days. They are thinking of embarking on night vigils in protest against ZEC. Muchando muno siyayi vanhu varare panze, vangwandurwe nacho chando. That may win them votes. You never know.

In these times when even professors think a vote can miraculously migrate from Chamisa to President Mnangagwa on the ballot box, anything is possible.

And hey good people, even the Holy Book tells us that the world is full of desperate people. In Psalm 142 vs 6 the Holy Book says: "Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me."

Let's listen to little Chamisa's cry. He is in desperate need. Am not sure we can rescue him from defeat, for ZANU-PF is too strong for him.

Bishop is out!