Adultery spreading like veld-fire

LIKE or loathe it, cheating has become rampant among married people in Zimbabwe. It is a fact that aided by modern electronic gadgetry like cellphones and computers where social forums like

Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Skype are widely accessible, people now find it easy to retrace old relationships or quickly jump into new ones.

Cases of infidelity among married women and men have become a widespread social ill that have not only affected high-profile individuals with good social standing but has also become a scourge and one of the main reasons that have led to the collapse of many marriages.

In the last few years, the world has gaped in awe after revelations of countless sordid extra-marital affairs of individuals.

For a moment, it seemed like men were on the forefront but it appears the tables have since tilted, and the sisters are in a way leading the race.

Married women have been brought into the open after being caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

Sordid and very dramatic stories of powerful men and women have graced the front pages of newspapers around the world, pointing to an alarming number of married women who are risking everything they have just for a few moments of happiness.

From the worldwide scandals of Tiger Woods and his chain of mistresses to Arnold Schwarzenegger's affair and subsequent child out of wedlock to the highly publicised affair of Hollywood actress Kristen Stewart with Rupert Sanders, one can't help but feel that the hormonal composition of both men and women are raging at a much faster pace than was the case 20 years ago.

Zimbabwe has had its own share of scandals in the last few years where ordinary individuals, the clergy and senior Government officials have had their moments of weaknesses being brought about in the fore for everyone to read and see.

The scandalous affairs have led to a series of divorce cases, and in some instances brutal acts of violence perpetrated on the other, while some people have decided to literally turn a blind eye on the nefarious acts of their partners or just patch up for the sake of their children.

The circumstances may differ, but one thing that is becoming clear is that a significant number of married people are now engaging in extra- marital affairs, not with one partner at one go but with several, and no longer value the sanctity of marriage.

If anything, some women have literary conquered the terrain of men who for long were regarded as polygamous in nature. For decades men have been known to be habitual cheaters and often run parallel families that go for years without being brought in the public domain, while feigning innocence and in the process condemning the dangers of extra-marital affairs. For decades, this breed of men have managed to have secret families, where they share all their unsophisticated wives faults with the mistress to show her that she is his "soul mate without the ring".

She relishes these details and feels superior, and in the process she is more than happy to keep the secret.

While the behaviour of men especially in Zimbabwe and Africa at large is a generally accepted as culturally norm, it is actually the riveting revelation of some married women's escapades and bed-hopping tendencies that is pointing towards a shocking trend of a new breed of the "she" philanderers.

They could be just mere vendors, pastors' wives, respectable grandmothers or high-profile executives cruising in the latest sleek of wheels, but one thing that is clear is that quite a significant number of married women were cheating on their husbands, endangering their own marriages in the process.

A snap survey done by Saturday Lifestyle revealed that there was a significant number of married women who were straying from their marital beds for various reasons, ranging from boredom of marital life, lack of intimacy within the home or just the need to be appreciated.

To others, they said having extra-marital affairs was a way to kill boredom, despondency since their husbands rarely spent time with them, were often away from home and just didn't think they were still good enough for them.

Of the 10 married women that Saturday Lifestyle interviewed, five of them admitted that there were having extra-marital affairs, saying that they were finding the routine of a married life tedious and dull.

They added that they find it easier to shift dominance or primacy to another relationship and feel the spark outside to be a thrilling option; instead of finding ways of re-charging their marriages.

It becomes present moments for gratification versus the hard job that they will have to do in their marriages to resolve outstanding issues.

"The extra-marital relationship provides me with a ready-made and fresh experience, which is appealing enough to take the risk," said a public relations executive with a big corporate, who has been having a fling with an accounts clerk from her workplace.

A 45-year-old woman whose husband is in the army and is often away from home said she has been having an affair with the pastor of a well-known pentecostal church for two years, since her husband was often away from home.

"I spend most of my time at church even during the week for a number of volunteer services, which I happen to do together with the pastor.

"Our affair has been kept under wraps for the obvious consequences. That affair has actually helped my marriage to survive," she said

A beauty therapist with a renowned pharmacy in town Ruvarashe (not her real name) has had a string of relationships in the last five years although she is married to a charming and responsible husband, who treats her well.

"I have been cheating on my husband for the past five years and I have managed to keep it under wraps. It was meant to be just a temporary fling, but it is turning out to be something serious.

"The guy I am going out with is a family friend so it is no big deal, even if we are spotted together," she said.

She added that should she be caught, her mother-in-law would be the last one to point a daring finger at her because she was also sleeping with a haulage truck driver who often ferries her goods to South Africa for resale.

Mutsa is a full-time housewife who has been having an affair with her neighbour's 23 year old son, for some months now.

"My husband is a busy man, and spends most of his time at the golf course, striking lucrative deals with businesspeople.

"He gives me money and all, but I am just bored," she quipped.
In all these revelations, the women admitted that use of technology which had become viral was aiding their relationships.

"I spend most of my time on Whatsapp just talking to my boy, and everything becomes easy and possible," she said.

This week, H-Metro broke a story of a cheating couple that was given away by naked pictures of them after the curious wife stumbled upon the two's pictures that were stored in the cheating man's laptop.

Both cheaters are said to be married and are alleged to have had a child together.

However, 67-year-old elder with Pentecostal church, Mr Mairosi Mukoni, said the issue of married women having extra-marital affairs have been in existence for more than 50 years or so, hence the adage "Gomba harina mwana".

"Kune nyaya dzakatowandisa dzana mbuya vedu vaibatwa vaine zvikomba, vaenda, kumagadheni, kuhuni, kana kurukova chaiko kunowacha. (Back then married women used to be caught while having a nice time with their boyfriends, having lied to their husbands that they were going to attend to family chores).

He, however, condemned the practice, saying it was impacting negatively on the marriage institution, while fuelling the HIV and Aids pandemic.

Social commentator Albert Nhamoyebonde said while men were regarded as natural hunters who were always looking for new territories to conquer, the increase in the number of married women who were cheating on their husbands was a worrying trend which was pointing to various factors, chiefly among them lack of communication.

What, however, cannot be ruled out is that infidelity is directly or indirectly responsible for many cases of domestic violence and domestic abuse that the country continue to record on a daily basis.

Because it's such an emotionally charged, highly volatile situation, infidelity, suspected infidelity, or even rumours of infidelity can lead to acts of violence.

All three parties involved - the betrayed spouse or significant other, the cheater, and his or her secret lover - can become perpetrators or victims of domestic abuse in different ways.