Desperate times call for desperate measures

The big joke in Harare is that Morgan Tsvangirai will soon form a "Grand Coalition" with Kisinoti Munodei Mukwazhe.

Desperate times call for desperate solutions. If you really want to go to State House, try every trick in the book.

Friday's frenetic political events inflicted terrible bruises on the egos of grown men. In the Tsvangirai camp, emotions are still running high. Betrayal, cruelty, anger, disbelief, shock, astonishment - all the ingredients of a political thriller - are hovering above the heads of politicians like the mist of our time.

There is also plenty of tribal talk. Some MDC-T officials are accusing Welshman Ncube and Dumiso Dabengwa of pandering to tribal instinct at the expense of the national cause. But these same people have not explained why in Manicaland (Tsvangirai and Simba Makoni) it is a coalition, but in Matabeleland (Ncube and Dabengwa) it becomes tribalism. A case of hypocrisy, perhaps?

Ncube and Dabengwa, it appears, are hedging their bets in case the presidential contest is forced into a run-off. That way they become kingmakers who will determine the wearer of the crown.

Angry characters in the MDC-T camp are accusing Ncube of being a Zanu-PF "project" meant to muddy the waters and weaken the anti-Zanu lobby. They argue that Dabengwa cannot be trusted by the MDC formations because he somehow retains vestiges of a nationalist aura, which would somewhat place him closer to Zanu-PF on the ideological spectrum than the foreign-sponsored parties.

Friday's dramatic events left MDC-T leaders gasping for air. Tsvangirai and Makoni had scheduled a Press conference for mid-day in Harare, but when Ncube and Dabengwa outfoxed them with a shocking announcement at a joint Press conference in Bulawayo earlier in the day, the much-vaunted "Grand Coalition" was left in tatters.

The MDC-Zapu election alliance, Dabengwa said, was the product of six months of negotiation. His message was obviously directed at Tsvangirai who has been accused by Ncube's lieutenants of trying to ambush the other parties with a badly thought out proposal on the eve of a major election. They further point out that Tsvangirai is power hungry, clueless and devoid of strategic dynamism. When the MDC-T leader offers Ncube a paltry 10 percent of the posts, what value is he placing on the MDC? Ncube has been told: take it or leave it. Would he be willing to strike a Faustian bargain with Tsvangirai under those conditions?

Would he be willing to accept the post of vice-president but risk losing his entire party in the process? Tsvangirai, on the other hand, was caught on the horns of a dilemma. Could he stubbornly disregard the internal murmurs within MDC-T and go ahead to offer Ncube something bigger and better? At what cost to the stability of Tsvangirai's party?

To gain a useful understanding of what has transpired in the "Grand Coalition" discussions, you have to look at three factors: the personal interests of the party leaders, the pressure coming from their ambitious lieutenants, and the hard-to-ignore directives coming from the financial sponsors of these parties.

The ambitious lieutenants have been very vocal. From the MDC-T side, Tendai Biti and Thokozani Khupe have had a lot to say behind closed doors. They distrust Tsvangirai - particularly when it comes to complex negotiations. They have not forgotten how their party leader was repeatedly outflanked by President Mugabe in the inclusive Government. With their individual political careers at stake on the eve of the harmonised elections, they have realised that Tsvangirai needs much more than just "hand-holding"; he needs a restraining leash to prevent him from selling them out on the altar of a treacherous "Grand Coalition".

The idea that Tsvangirai can view Ncube and Dabengwa as better electoral prospects in Matabeleland than Khupe and the likes of Lovemore Moyo has infuriated many in the MDC-T. Notice how nobody is even mentioning Khupe in discussions over the sharing of top posts. Clearly, she is considered dispensable. Does it not suggest that Tsvangirai would rather be represented by Ncube in Matabeleland than Khupe who, from all indications, is a "heavyweight" in name only? Also, by embracing Ncube, Tsvangirai would arm himself with a bulwark to checkmate Biti's perceived ambitions.

All the same, it is quite telling that Zimbabweans should be talking about failed coalitions on the eve of a major election instead of comparing and analysing the various manifestoes. Is there an unhealthy obsession with power for power's sake? Hopefully, the debate can now move ahead and focus on the manifestoes.
 
Zanu-PF launched its manifesto at the Zimbabwe Ground in Highfield on Friday. Zapu launched its manifesto in Stanley Square yesterday. MDC-T is set to launch its manifesto at Rudhaka today. It is not clear whether the Mukwazhes of this world will launch manifestoes anytime soon.

Whatever the case may be, every Zimbabwean is looking forward to some comic relief on the election trail. When things get heated out there, laughter is the only medicine.