Opinion / Columnist
Ben 10! A woman's Painkiller
05 Apr 2014 at 08:45hrs | Views
MOVE over sugar daddies it's time for Ben 10!!
It's either Ben Ten or Painkiller.
This is the fashionable name given to younger men dating older women. The name Ben 10 had become very common and has since been changed to "Painkiller".
Younger men dating older women are called Painkillers as they are stress relievers who are there to comfort the older women. The older women could either be widows, single mothers or married women who face several challenges but are in dire need of a man to be with.
In Bulawayo, the Painkillers are seen mostly with their cougars at stokvel parties, soccer stadia and other events in the city as they are very outgoing.
The term Ben 10 is derived from the cartoon, watched mostly by children. A Ben 10 is often treated like a child, spoiled or pampered by the older woman who takes care of his needs and makes sure he is comfortable. Ben 10 in turn acts like "a man" taking care of the woman's sexual needs.
The trend is very common in Europe and is very acceptable. In Europe the older women are referred to as "cougars". However, there are reservations in Africa about this type of relationship.
Culturally, since time immemorial, it has always been acceptable for a much younger woman to marry an older man, some even as old as their father. Some churches still practise and encourage such relationships.
In Zimbabwe it is generally unacceptable for a young man to marry an older woman. A young man who does so is labelled a deviant. The woman is often referred to as isalukazi, masgogo or chembere and face resentment from their partner's family members.
Probably the women thrive on the famous saying: "You're only as old as the man you're feeling".
Saturday Leisure recently undertook an investigation to establish why the trend is slowly becoming popular in Zimbabwe. It seems more and more young men are opting to become Painkillers and the big question is – what could be cause for this?
Are the young girls no longer attractive?
What is it that older women have? Do they have some sort of magnet that attracts the young boys? What does society think about them?
Thabani Mdlongwa, a dealer in the city, said there was nothing to lose by becoming a Ben 10.
"Being a Ben 10 is a blessing to most young men given the economic situation in the country. Who would resist being taken care of financially?
"All you have to do is take care of that woman making sure her needs are well taken care of," he said.
Quizzed on whether he would want to be a Ben 10, he said, it was not his type of lifestyle as he believed a man should take care of himself.
"I was brought up to believe that a man has to fend for the family not the other way round, it can only be that way if the man is retrenched, sick or something, it's not easy being looked after by a woman," he said with laughter.
Another man who preferred to be called Nhlanhla said being a Ben 10 could be a weakness that one would have to live with, his whole life time.
"It's nice when you are pampered by a woman, but there comes a time when you want to leave and date a woman of your age.
"I have been tied to my sugar mummy for five years now because if I leave her, I will have to leave her car and assets that she gave me. I am shy to move back to my parents' house as I don't own anything yet," said Nox.
The most notorious cougars are shebeen queens, businesswomen, flea market owners and osiphatheleni. They are said to pamper the vulnerable young men with money, beer and cars.
"The young boys are energetic in bed. When they start they don't stop, they will only stop when you say I have had enough. Even when he comes to sleep over I am guaranteed that the whole night I will enjoy myself."
A certain lady said she wanted to be in control of relationships hence she prefers Ben 10.
"I like it when I know that there is someone who is dependent on me and I call the shots.
"That control is not possible with a man who is older than me."
Some women said the majority of the cougars were unapproachable to most men because of their social status as well as wealth.
"Men are scared of rich women, they are not easy to approach and as such, their normal marriage time passes before they get married. They therefore resort to getting Ben 10s to cater for their needs," said MaNkomo, a flea market vendor in the city.
She added that the older women boast that the young men are romantic and still have "energy".
"Uyabezwa besithi umfana omncane is energetic and very active in bed unlike the old men. You hear them talking about it freely and they share notes on how these Painkillers should be treated especially at stokvel parties," said MaNkomo.
However, it is sad to see young men being used by these older women because some of them are HIV positive. A counsellor in the city said he had dealt with a number of cases where parents brought their children, some of them of school going age, for counselling.
"Concerned parents bring their children so that we try and talk to them to get out of these relationships. Imagine an ‘A' level or college student as young as 19 or 21 dating a 50-year-old woman, it's very sad and tells something about our society.
"These notorious relationships are on the rise and I just urge parents to encourage their children to be content with what they have and work hard to be successful in life as shortcuts are dangerous," said the counsellor who declined to be named for professional reasons.
There are several Hollywood cougars that have had lasting relationships with their own version of Ben 10s. Madonna is one of the most notorious cougars. She had a 30-year-old affair with Brahim Zaiba (25). Previously she has dated 21-year-old Jesus Luz.
Some other similar relationships include musician, Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz who had an age difference of nine years. Formula One champion Lewis Hamilton also fell prey to cougar Pussy Cat Dolls member Nicole Scherzinger. They have an age difference of six years.
Actress Halle Berry had a five-year affair with Gabriel Aubry and there was a nine-year age difference. Some of the notorious Hollywood cougars are Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, Sharon Stone, Kathy Griffin, Julianne Moore, Demi Moore and Paris Hilton.
It's either Ben Ten or Painkiller.
This is the fashionable name given to younger men dating older women. The name Ben 10 had become very common and has since been changed to "Painkiller".
Younger men dating older women are called Painkillers as they are stress relievers who are there to comfort the older women. The older women could either be widows, single mothers or married women who face several challenges but are in dire need of a man to be with.
In Bulawayo, the Painkillers are seen mostly with their cougars at stokvel parties, soccer stadia and other events in the city as they are very outgoing.
The term Ben 10 is derived from the cartoon, watched mostly by children. A Ben 10 is often treated like a child, spoiled or pampered by the older woman who takes care of his needs and makes sure he is comfortable. Ben 10 in turn acts like "a man" taking care of the woman's sexual needs.
The trend is very common in Europe and is very acceptable. In Europe the older women are referred to as "cougars". However, there are reservations in Africa about this type of relationship.
Culturally, since time immemorial, it has always been acceptable for a much younger woman to marry an older man, some even as old as their father. Some churches still practise and encourage such relationships.
In Zimbabwe it is generally unacceptable for a young man to marry an older woman. A young man who does so is labelled a deviant. The woman is often referred to as isalukazi, masgogo or chembere and face resentment from their partner's family members.
Probably the women thrive on the famous saying: "You're only as old as the man you're feeling".
Saturday Leisure recently undertook an investigation to establish why the trend is slowly becoming popular in Zimbabwe. It seems more and more young men are opting to become Painkillers and the big question is – what could be cause for this?
Are the young girls no longer attractive?
What is it that older women have? Do they have some sort of magnet that attracts the young boys? What does society think about them?
Thabani Mdlongwa, a dealer in the city, said there was nothing to lose by becoming a Ben 10.
"Being a Ben 10 is a blessing to most young men given the economic situation in the country. Who would resist being taken care of financially?
"All you have to do is take care of that woman making sure her needs are well taken care of," he said.
Quizzed on whether he would want to be a Ben 10, he said, it was not his type of lifestyle as he believed a man should take care of himself.
"I was brought up to believe that a man has to fend for the family not the other way round, it can only be that way if the man is retrenched, sick or something, it's not easy being looked after by a woman," he said with laughter.
"It's nice when you are pampered by a woman, but there comes a time when you want to leave and date a woman of your age.
"I have been tied to my sugar mummy for five years now because if I leave her, I will have to leave her car and assets that she gave me. I am shy to move back to my parents' house as I don't own anything yet," said Nox.
The most notorious cougars are shebeen queens, businesswomen, flea market owners and osiphatheleni. They are said to pamper the vulnerable young men with money, beer and cars.
"The young boys are energetic in bed. When they start they don't stop, they will only stop when you say I have had enough. Even when he comes to sleep over I am guaranteed that the whole night I will enjoy myself."
A certain lady said she wanted to be in control of relationships hence she prefers Ben 10.
"I like it when I know that there is someone who is dependent on me and I call the shots.
"That control is not possible with a man who is older than me."
Some women said the majority of the cougars were unapproachable to most men because of their social status as well as wealth.
"Men are scared of rich women, they are not easy to approach and as such, their normal marriage time passes before they get married. They therefore resort to getting Ben 10s to cater for their needs," said MaNkomo, a flea market vendor in the city.
She added that the older women boast that the young men are romantic and still have "energy".
"Uyabezwa besithi umfana omncane is energetic and very active in bed unlike the old men. You hear them talking about it freely and they share notes on how these Painkillers should be treated especially at stokvel parties," said MaNkomo.
However, it is sad to see young men being used by these older women because some of them are HIV positive. A counsellor in the city said he had dealt with a number of cases where parents brought their children, some of them of school going age, for counselling.
"Concerned parents bring their children so that we try and talk to them to get out of these relationships. Imagine an ‘A' level or college student as young as 19 or 21 dating a 50-year-old woman, it's very sad and tells something about our society.
"These notorious relationships are on the rise and I just urge parents to encourage their children to be content with what they have and work hard to be successful in life as shortcuts are dangerous," said the counsellor who declined to be named for professional reasons.
There are several Hollywood cougars that have had lasting relationships with their own version of Ben 10s. Madonna is one of the most notorious cougars. She had a 30-year-old affair with Brahim Zaiba (25). Previously she has dated 21-year-old Jesus Luz.
Some other similar relationships include musician, Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz who had an age difference of nine years. Formula One champion Lewis Hamilton also fell prey to cougar Pussy Cat Dolls member Nicole Scherzinger. They have an age difference of six years.
Actress Halle Berry had a five-year affair with Gabriel Aubry and there was a nine-year age difference. Some of the notorious Hollywood cougars are Jennifer Lopez, Mariah Carey, Sharon Stone, Kathy Griffin, Julianne Moore, Demi Moore and Paris Hilton.
Source - Saturday Leisure
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