Grace Mugabe, Simon Muzenda and the baboon

It was in 2000 when former Vice President Simon Muzenda's fallout with Dr. Eddison Zvobgo became a matter of public record.  Addressing a rally in Chivi, rural Masvingo at a time when ZANU PF was struggling with defections and apathy, Muzenda blasted Zvobgo whom he labelled as a nonentity in ZANU PF. "Chinohi Zvobgo chii panyama yehuku? Chero tikaisa gudo tikati ndiro ratada, ndiro ramunovhotera." (Who is Zvobgo after all? Even if we nominate a baboon, that's what you will vote for).

This was beamed on the 8 pm main news and unfortunately for some of us, we were sitting just next to the person who was the subject of Muzenda's vitriol. It was a difficult situation to be in. Typically, Zvobgo broke the ice when he retorted "Musope uyu ane njere" referring to Dr. John Makombe who had appeared on the next news clip putting pressure on government to subsidise special creams for those living with albinism. The evening got back to normal thereafter.

However, since that day, I have been reflecting on what Muzenda said which is making more and more sense as the political madness in ZANU PF gets worse and nastier. We have heard about a grade two drop-out in KweKwe who went on to become a member of parliament. We know of a night watch or security guard at Townhouse who also was voted to represent Buhera South in the so-called august house.

The list of baboons, to use Muzenda's terminology, is endless. However,  a former typist who surprisingly found it easier to pass a degree in Chinese Language after struggling with English and went on to attain a supersonic PhD under circumstances that reduce institutions of higher learning to laughing stock, is probably the most astonishing "baboon" of recent times. And this is for many reasons.

The main one is that she is actually not aiming at any parliamentary seat, she doesn't want to be a minister, otherwise she would have been one by now, but she intends to protract her stay at State House with a different title. Even if being First Lady was still attractive to her, the sun is certainly setting, the birds are whistling loudly, the horizon looks beautiful with those orange rays, and soon there will be darkness all over. For her, she seems to have mastered the story of the biblical ten virgins. Only that in her case, she is piling stocks of oil before the groom departs. To an extent, she is not a foolish bridesmaid.

Manicaland rally could be understood in this context. Yes, Grace is not sophisticated but as Jabulani Sibanda once observed, a "bedroom coup" has occurred with the tacit approval of the incumbent. President Mugabe, cunning as he has always been, is consciously presenting his wife to his blind or abused supporters. At some point, he will repeat what he has said in the past "Leaders come from the people" He will then go on to say "Makazvionera mega kuti Amai ndivo vanodiwa nevanhu". It is just a matter of time before we hear this sound of thunder!

It is for this and other reasons that I think Emmerson Mnangagwa's intelligence and political mastery is overrated. The recent snub of Oppah Muchinguri-Kashiri is just the beginning of worse things to come. By the time of the December conference, the drama would have unfolded in earnest. If anything, Mnangagwa is increasingly showing that he is a coward who hides behind other people to do the dirty work for him. Justice Mayor Wadyajena, Chris Mutsvangwa and Muchingri are current paragons of this tomfoolery whose fate seems not too far.

 As for Mnangagwa, he would rather be demoted to Junior Minister for Rural Housing and Social Amenities without any budget or job description than stand up and challenge the master. He is not self-made, he thrives on the master's benevolence. He needs permission from little boy Saviour Kasukuwere to address a political rally. And this is the man people think is made of steel. He is just another of Muzenda's baboons waiting for someone else to determine his future. No wonder why he has been on the queue for 35 years; some think it's patience but it is probably a combination of cowardice and leadership deficiency.  He just cannot stand on his own. His is politics of the night. The other "baboon" is busy playing politics of the day. And knowing ZANU PF supporters, indeed they will vote for any baboon. Of course, it makes perfect sense for baboons to vote for a fellow baboon!

Just a few days ago, the other excitable baboon whose employment is hanging by the thread, threatened independent media with heavy censorship. This is the baboon that thrives on sycophancy and foolishly calls himself Nathaniel Manheru. He must be reminded that no authority in Harare can dictate rules for social media.  The world has moved on while baboons are still in the mountains!

Some have posited that it is time to take our focus away from politics and concentrate more on the economy. I would have thought that the nexus of politics and economics doesn't need an introductory lecture on the fundamentals of economics or political science.

For as long as we have Muzenda's baboons invading our fields unfettered the way they have done in the past 35 years, nothing will ever change for the better, at least for the ordinary and honest Zimbabwean. You can't make any meaningful progress if thugs who don't understand the boundary or distinction between ZANU PF, government and state are in control. We need a paradigm shift. And that paradigm doesn't mean plucking one "baboon" from the typing pool and thrust them into the office of the president.

It's time for progressive Zimbabweans, no matter who or where they are, to converge around core values and stop this nonsense!  The joke isn't funny anymore. It is time to drive baboons back to the mountains, where they belong.

Moses Chamboko is a pro-democracy activist and interim Secretary General for ZUNDE. You may contact him at info@zunde.org or visit www.zunde.org