Opinion / Columnist
When a young woman falls for an older man
10 Aug 2016 at 10:05hrs | Views
Blessers, a new term to describe older men who go out with young women and bless them with holidays, cash, clothes, rent or various gifts in exchange for romance or a sexual relationship. The word bless comes from an old English meaning "to bless or to wish happiness and to consecrate."
"SO why do you prefer an older man to a younger one who is your age?" asked Shamiso, my niece who is married to Philemon, the one who sells airtime, phone chargers, fake designer sunglasses and other Chinese made gadgets. This question was directed to Mutsa, the 20-year-old girl who was rescued from a possible child marriage by my cousin Reuben and his Australian based wife Mai Tinashe.
Mutsa is Mai Tinashe´s niece. She invited herself to Reuben´s new house in Borrowdale and has been there for a few weeks now. We all think this situation is dangerous for any man who is confronted with such a beautiful girl, especially if that girl is a muramu, a sister or niece-in-law. Traditionally, some of us know that it is acceptable for a Babamukuru like Reuben to flirt and tell sexual jokes with Mutsa, because Mutsa is a Mainini or a potential young wife.
Now Mutsa is taking her muramu role seriously. Mai Tinashe has sent messages to Reuben telling him that Mutsa should go elsewhere and not share the house with Reuben. Some people in the family, my cousin Piri in particular, think it's perfectly fine for Mutsa to live with Reuben and cook, wash, iron or possibly do more for Babamukuru. "How can a man live alone, as if he did not pay lobola for his wife?'' says Piri.
"So, are you suggesting that Mutsa simply becomes Reuben's wife?'' I bluntly asked Piri. We were all sitting down under the shade of a tree at Reuben´s house. It was a public holiday to celebrate Heroes and Defence Forces days. Reuben was busy roasting meat on an open fire, while several relatives and friends sat, drank, talked and shared jokes about politics, American elections, the Olympics, love and romance.
I overhead the conversation between Shamiso and Mutsa, when I walked into the expansive kitchen to help myself to some more freshly cut lemons so that I can add them to my favourite drink. Shamiso stood there, pretty and heavily pregnant. She is expecting her second baby any time soon.
She was slowly and carefully adding peanut butter to dry game meat while Mutsa stirred a big pot of sadza on the hot stove. Mutsa wore a colourful blue and red African wraparound cloth or sarong and a blue T-shirt. She has maintained a natural short haircut which makes her look like one of those dark Sudanese models, except she is a little more chocolate brown than the models. This girl has the look of a girl who is ready to discover the world. She does not seem to be the girl who is going to spend too much time studying mathematics or English. She knows she is beautiful, because men keep commending on her looks in her presence.
Reuben used to be the first to tell Mutsa that she could have been a model on the catwalk, if she lived in the Western world. But today, when other men outside asked who Mutsa was, Reuben appeared not be interested in introducing her to the other men. He dismissively said Mutsa was his niece visiting from the village. Then he quickly changed the subject to tennis and how the Williams sisters had lost in a double match against two others. Since people are so emotional about tennis, that diverted all the attention from Mutsa. But, such a change of subject did not go unnoticed by my cousin Piri. She gave me a secret wink, as if to say, do you think something happened between Reuben and Mutsa? I shrugged and went to the kitchen where I found Shamiso and Mutsa deep into girl talk.
"I like older men because they care a lot more for you than young men," said Mutsa. Shamiso shook her head and asked Mutsa what experience she had with older men. Mutsa looked at me, gave a rather mischievous laugh and said she did not know anything about men apart from what she had observed among couples, what she had seen on television and what she had read on the Internet.
"So, shall we say, you have no real experience with men?" I asked.
"Handina ini Tete, kana, or, never," Mutsa said, shaking her body and dancing a little even though there was no music around. Her body was rhythmic and almost sensual.
"Are you looking for a Blesser?" asked Shamiso. Mutsa said no, she did not want to be involved with men called Blessers, a new term to describe older men who go out with young women and bless them with holidays , cash, clothes, rent or various gifts in exchange for romance or a sexual relationship.
The word bless comes from an old English meaning "to bless or to wish happiness and to consecrate." But recently, according to some of our cousins living in South Africa, the word "blessed" has acquired a new meaning over there. The words "Blessed", "Blesser" and "Blessee" are being used by mostly older men who materially support younger women in exchange for sex. The other name for a Blesser is sugar-daddy.
Piri walked into the kitchen and joined in the conversation. "Why should you look for a Blesser? Just find yourself a good man to marry."
"Inga wani ndizvo zvandati ndiri kutsvaga. Asi ndinoda murume mukuru kwandiri, ane imba yake, mari nemotokori yake," said Mutsa, meaning she is looking for an older man with a house, a car and with money.
"Where will you get one who is free and not married?" I asked. Mutsa did not reply. Shamiso gave a little laugh then said she knew a lot of famous women who have married older man. Since Mutsa was not famous, it would be very hard to find an older man with money.
"In one magazine, I read about rich European men who marry young women. When you are old and you have money, I think it is okay to get yourself a nice young woman with warm blood to heat up your veins" said Shamiso. "Are you looking for an old man who needs some heat at night?"
My mind then wondered to older men with celebrity wives. There is Rupert Murdoch, the Australian newspaper magnet who was married to Wendy Deng. Then he got married to Jerry Hall who was 59 and Rupert himself was around 84. There is Donald Trump who is 70-years-old. He wants to be the next American president and he is married to Melania Trump, who used to be a supermodel. She is 46- years-old.
Back here in Zimbabwe, we have many instances of older men marrying young women as first, second, third or fourth wives.
"Some people say age is just a number. What matters is love," said Mutsa.
We all looked at her with surprise. When did this girl suddenly grow up?
"Yowee, Mainini Mutsa, ndimi muri kutaura?" asked Piri. "Asi makadya muchero?" Then we all laughed. Piri was asking if Mutsa had tasted the fruit that got the Biblical Adam and Eve into trouble and resulted in them being banned from Paradise. Because of Adam and Eve´s crime, the preachers say all mankind sinned and must repent in order to enter the Kingdom of God.
Then Reuben walked into the kitchen, carrying a tray of barbecue pork ribs and T-bone steak. Since we were not expecting him, we gave him an odd look.
"Why are you looking at me like I am Judas Iscariot?" Reuben asked us.
"When are you going to Australia?" asked Piri, changing the subject.
"This week. I must go back there and take the children to the snow. I promised to do that last year and did not do it," said Reuben.
Suddenly, almost like a knee jerk reaction, Mutsa covered the pot of sadza, put the stove on low heat and abruptly left the kitchen without saying anything.
"Mainini Mutsa is looking for a blesser, an older man or a sugar-daddy. Sekuru, munozvigona?" Shamiso asked. Reuben pretended not to have heard the question. Instead, he started describing what the snow looks like and how he was looking forward to go tobogganing or sliding on the snow with his family on Mt Bulla, back in Australia. We half listened as he carried on about his forthcoming trip. In our minds, we were still wondering if anything did happen between Mutsa and Reuben. Did they cross the Babamukuru and muramu boundaries? Would they ever tell?
When Reuben left the kitchen, Piri took a sip of cold beer from her mug and said softly, "Rine manyanga hariputirwe," An animal with horns can never be hidden under a bushel. One day, it will rear its horns for all to see. One day, we shall know if Reuben had stepped the boundaries to become more than a Babamukuru and chosen to be a blesser or a sugar-daddy to his muramu. Only time will tell!
Dr Sekai Nzenza is a writer and cultural critic.
"SO why do you prefer an older man to a younger one who is your age?" asked Shamiso, my niece who is married to Philemon, the one who sells airtime, phone chargers, fake designer sunglasses and other Chinese made gadgets. This question was directed to Mutsa, the 20-year-old girl who was rescued from a possible child marriage by my cousin Reuben and his Australian based wife Mai Tinashe.
Mutsa is Mai Tinashe´s niece. She invited herself to Reuben´s new house in Borrowdale and has been there for a few weeks now. We all think this situation is dangerous for any man who is confronted with such a beautiful girl, especially if that girl is a muramu, a sister or niece-in-law. Traditionally, some of us know that it is acceptable for a Babamukuru like Reuben to flirt and tell sexual jokes with Mutsa, because Mutsa is a Mainini or a potential young wife.
Now Mutsa is taking her muramu role seriously. Mai Tinashe has sent messages to Reuben telling him that Mutsa should go elsewhere and not share the house with Reuben. Some people in the family, my cousin Piri in particular, think it's perfectly fine for Mutsa to live with Reuben and cook, wash, iron or possibly do more for Babamukuru. "How can a man live alone, as if he did not pay lobola for his wife?'' says Piri.
"So, are you suggesting that Mutsa simply becomes Reuben's wife?'' I bluntly asked Piri. We were all sitting down under the shade of a tree at Reuben´s house. It was a public holiday to celebrate Heroes and Defence Forces days. Reuben was busy roasting meat on an open fire, while several relatives and friends sat, drank, talked and shared jokes about politics, American elections, the Olympics, love and romance.
I overhead the conversation between Shamiso and Mutsa, when I walked into the expansive kitchen to help myself to some more freshly cut lemons so that I can add them to my favourite drink. Shamiso stood there, pretty and heavily pregnant. She is expecting her second baby any time soon.
She was slowly and carefully adding peanut butter to dry game meat while Mutsa stirred a big pot of sadza on the hot stove. Mutsa wore a colourful blue and red African wraparound cloth or sarong and a blue T-shirt. She has maintained a natural short haircut which makes her look like one of those dark Sudanese models, except she is a little more chocolate brown than the models. This girl has the look of a girl who is ready to discover the world. She does not seem to be the girl who is going to spend too much time studying mathematics or English. She knows she is beautiful, because men keep commending on her looks in her presence.
Reuben used to be the first to tell Mutsa that she could have been a model on the catwalk, if she lived in the Western world. But today, when other men outside asked who Mutsa was, Reuben appeared not be interested in introducing her to the other men. He dismissively said Mutsa was his niece visiting from the village. Then he quickly changed the subject to tennis and how the Williams sisters had lost in a double match against two others. Since people are so emotional about tennis, that diverted all the attention from Mutsa. But, such a change of subject did not go unnoticed by my cousin Piri. She gave me a secret wink, as if to say, do you think something happened between Reuben and Mutsa? I shrugged and went to the kitchen where I found Shamiso and Mutsa deep into girl talk.
"I like older men because they care a lot more for you than young men," said Mutsa. Shamiso shook her head and asked Mutsa what experience she had with older men. Mutsa looked at me, gave a rather mischievous laugh and said she did not know anything about men apart from what she had observed among couples, what she had seen on television and what she had read on the Internet.
"So, shall we say, you have no real experience with men?" I asked.
"Handina ini Tete, kana, or, never," Mutsa said, shaking her body and dancing a little even though there was no music around. Her body was rhythmic and almost sensual.
"Are you looking for a Blesser?" asked Shamiso. Mutsa said no, she did not want to be involved with men called Blessers, a new term to describe older men who go out with young women and bless them with holidays , cash, clothes, rent or various gifts in exchange for romance or a sexual relationship.
The word bless comes from an old English meaning "to bless or to wish happiness and to consecrate." But recently, according to some of our cousins living in South Africa, the word "blessed" has acquired a new meaning over there. The words "Blessed", "Blesser" and "Blessee" are being used by mostly older men who materially support younger women in exchange for sex. The other name for a Blesser is sugar-daddy.
Piri walked into the kitchen and joined in the conversation. "Why should you look for a Blesser? Just find yourself a good man to marry."
"Inga wani ndizvo zvandati ndiri kutsvaga. Asi ndinoda murume mukuru kwandiri, ane imba yake, mari nemotokori yake," said Mutsa, meaning she is looking for an older man with a house, a car and with money.
"In one magazine, I read about rich European men who marry young women. When you are old and you have money, I think it is okay to get yourself a nice young woman with warm blood to heat up your veins" said Shamiso. "Are you looking for an old man who needs some heat at night?"
My mind then wondered to older men with celebrity wives. There is Rupert Murdoch, the Australian newspaper magnet who was married to Wendy Deng. Then he got married to Jerry Hall who was 59 and Rupert himself was around 84. There is Donald Trump who is 70-years-old. He wants to be the next American president and he is married to Melania Trump, who used to be a supermodel. She is 46- years-old.
Back here in Zimbabwe, we have many instances of older men marrying young women as first, second, third or fourth wives.
"Some people say age is just a number. What matters is love," said Mutsa.
We all looked at her with surprise. When did this girl suddenly grow up?
"Yowee, Mainini Mutsa, ndimi muri kutaura?" asked Piri. "Asi makadya muchero?" Then we all laughed. Piri was asking if Mutsa had tasted the fruit that got the Biblical Adam and Eve into trouble and resulted in them being banned from Paradise. Because of Adam and Eve´s crime, the preachers say all mankind sinned and must repent in order to enter the Kingdom of God.
Then Reuben walked into the kitchen, carrying a tray of barbecue pork ribs and T-bone steak. Since we were not expecting him, we gave him an odd look.
"Why are you looking at me like I am Judas Iscariot?" Reuben asked us.
"When are you going to Australia?" asked Piri, changing the subject.
"This week. I must go back there and take the children to the snow. I promised to do that last year and did not do it," said Reuben.
Suddenly, almost like a knee jerk reaction, Mutsa covered the pot of sadza, put the stove on low heat and abruptly left the kitchen without saying anything.
"Mainini Mutsa is looking for a blesser, an older man or a sugar-daddy. Sekuru, munozvigona?" Shamiso asked. Reuben pretended not to have heard the question. Instead, he started describing what the snow looks like and how he was looking forward to go tobogganing or sliding on the snow with his family on Mt Bulla, back in Australia. We half listened as he carried on about his forthcoming trip. In our minds, we were still wondering if anything did happen between Mutsa and Reuben. Did they cross the Babamukuru and muramu boundaries? Would they ever tell?
When Reuben left the kitchen, Piri took a sip of cold beer from her mug and said softly, "Rine manyanga hariputirwe," An animal with horns can never be hidden under a bushel. One day, it will rear its horns for all to see. One day, we shall know if Reuben had stepped the boundaries to become more than a Babamukuru and chosen to be a blesser or a sugar-daddy to his muramu. Only time will tell!
Dr Sekai Nzenza is a writer and cultural critic.
Source - the herald
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