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A letter to Ms. Sehlule Ndlovu: Hillside Bulawayo

19 Feb 2021 at 19:06hrs | Views
Dear Ms. Sehlule Ndlovu,

I start my letter with the first sentence of the article written today regarding the fight you had with supposedly your husband Trust Moyo. If marriage is war, the bedroom is the battlefield! Correct and to the point. I doubt if I could have said this better. Not to assume much about your personal circumstances, this letter is mostly advising single mothers and women-headed family set-ups in our communities too.

I am deeply sorry for this humiliating experience you had to go through with this savage man called Trust Moyo. How many deaths will it take until we know that femicide in Zimbabwe has become a daily occurrence. How many deaths through domestic violence do we read in newspapers daily as if news about fatalities of domestic violence is another common event. Ms Ndlovu you are not dead: we thank our God for this, but it could have been worse. You could have suffered internal bleeding through those savage beatings from a barbaric man; and you could have easily succumbed to injuries. Some Zimbabwean men do not value the life of us women and girl-children; Men see us as disposables. If a man has no respect for you then do not engage in any intimacy with him from the word go. Please let him take that bed and go- for good!

It is not wise to assume your background information if one is not privy of, but by the look of things Ms. Ndhlovu you are the owner of the Hillside home. (I am proud of this if it is indeed true that you are a prime area Hillside owner) Your position is powerful. You are indeed one of these few women we have been told about: no nonsense women. For this reason you were able to send ubhinya lwendoda packing if he does not behave himself in your home. This is exactly the traits of powerful and empowered women Ms. Ndlovu: my respect Miss, kudos to you dear. I know too that given such a situation as yours, I will have done the same.

That said, women should realize that when you are a homeowner and this man has nothing to show in the partnership, you become a target: any mishap or misunderstanding, men will go for a kill to fix you. Men are insecure and easily suffer inferiority complex if they are not economically stable. I must believe this is where things went wrong in your case. To survive hosepipe beating from a hungry beasty man is luck like no other. It is my plea to all women to be careful about these relationships, some men are deadly, they are dangerous. I cannot be modest: to say that I am able to smell a violent man thousand of miles away from me and I act, is true. Tactfully I analyse him through and throw him away when I realize it is another time waster. Believe me Ms Ndlovu I have discarded several of them. Most of them failed the test before they could even get to the German soil: their favourite destination.

Let me apologise in advance for pre-empting this: If Trust Moyo can beat you so savagely, so barbaric, it means or it appears you failed your due diligence in the first stages of your relationships. Usually aggressive men are easy to notice right from the start of a relationship especially if you are engaging theses divorced men. Their violent traits are visible, normally they have breathing problems: If he cannot manage a virtuous gift of breathing, what else can he do successfully? They will not conceal their bad habits from you because just one test, you will know that he is a waste of time and space.

The likes of Trust Moyo as a bed mate of partner or whatever they call them these days must be taught how to breath freely. Men who breathe properly have respect for mankind, will never beat a woman out of respects he has for them. Breathing is a virtue. Trust Moyo suffocated because a simple virtuous gift of breathing was not taught at his early stages of child upbringing, including circumcision.

We women especially in Zimbabwe have glorified marriage to the point of madness. We fall easily to the first man who proposes marriage even if that man is a known divorcee. Those divorced men are the most dangerous men to trust in your home. A widower is even better. Ask yourself why he left his first wife, a mother to his children: why is he keen about you? Establish those facts first and you will realize that the devil in the detail.

There is nothing that binds you both apart from the bedroom premises. Does it surprise this time around, the bone of contention was the fight for the ownership of the bed? Does the bed belong to Trust Moyo or to Ms. Sehlule Ndlovu? If I were to advise my fellow women, I would tell Sehlule be vigilant and careful in seeking some relationship with a divorced man. Period! A man should never come near your bed until you have proven beyond doubt that he is not violent: ubhinya.

We must remember that such a divorced man is bringing garbage into your home. You cannot retrain a man, especially a Zimbabwean man to be a good husband, never, at best an illusion and ludicrous. We do fall prey of devious men who, after they have divorced, seek their comfort only from single women: or Mvhana as we are called. We women can be stupid too in engaging and accepting silly gestures from these men in the early courtship. Men have no respect for us women in our later lives. They have no respect for our illegitimate children either. Their behaviour in the presence of our boy-children is repulsive to say the least. Do you really need such a man in the presence of your dear children? How many such men have raped stepdaughters in the absence of the mother? Have you ever seen a man- friend looking down at your son-children as if they are staring the last pieces of dirt? Our illegitimate children must cope with the unimaginable in the presence of THIS MAN, at best an intruder. Why do we inconvenience our children as if they are not emotionally suffering enough to live a life without their biological father at home?
They consider us as second-hand material: what they seek from us is comfortable life and money period. A woman with a property in Hillside Bulawayo, just like us in the Diaspora are a big catch. We are hunted down because they think we can guarantee them comfort in our homes a divorced man desperately needs; behind him he left a fracas and pain inflicted on his former wife: the mother of his children. Who are you to think you can make it better, for who: for you or for him? Do not be bamboozled to think that he likes your illegitimate children when he brings pizzas and ice-cream for them. Remember too, it is not about you, about your offspring but about him alone. He is entitled to your hard-earned comforts because he thinks he is doing you a great favour to marry a second-hand woman with illegitimate children like you. I remember one of my many suitors telling me that I should "imagine him coughing in my sitting room." Whatever that meant. Was that supposed to turn me in?  
This advice should never be understood as a blanket statement to all Zimbabwean men. Out of 2000 Zimbabwean men only 3,5 men are good. Sure, they are very few men who mean what they say: the rest ngobhinya nje: misogynists. We women must never settle for these partner matchmakes as genuine relationships: that is extremely dangerous. How do you take a stranger into your life and in your bed and be intimate; we realize later in our lives that the man in question is a criminal, misogynists of the highest order. (An uncircumcised man who beats a woman with a hosepipe is a criminal and deserves to go to prison; the prison keys must be thrown into Victoria Falls – someone should go and fetch them in the devil cataracts when time comes to release Trust Moyo from prison!)

Let us be smart and we learn to love ourselves first before we subject ourselves into unnecessary married relationships at all cost dear ladies. There is no glory in getting married if you missed it in your early years. I personally feel the pressure to get marriage here in Germany, 7000 miles away from home. How many times have I been told that you are not enough because you are not married? How many times have I been offered divorced men as potential husbands to marry him to remove the "curse" in me of being unmarried? In retrospect My life has been relatively quiet and without stress ever since my son finished his tertiary education.

I enjoy freedom 24/7 that cannot be replaced with a cheating, deceitful and violent man; I tell myself to sit on the spike is to have arrived. My foot. In retrospect, I realized that most women will ill advise us to get married so that we are all in the same boat, swim in marital troubles just like them in their married homes. With cheating husbands like Zimbabweans, how many women have perished from HIV/AIDS and other STD diseases because they subjected themselves to pressure of weddings and wedding rings: a real wedlock.

Sister Ms. Ndlovu I kindly ask you to accept that this has happened to you, I want you to know, realize and accept that you are enough without a man in the home. Give respect to yourself, soul, and your body. Turn around this misfortune of humiliation and pain into a blessing. Now you can easily turn the next page and put your act together and lead a stressless and glorious life without a violent husband in the bedroom: a bedroom that has turned into a battlefield.

Please make sure you can make another mistake and never a repeat of the same mistake, I know we women are prone to making the same mistake repeatedly. God blessings for this day.
Sincerely yours

Source - Nomazulu Thata
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