Latest News Editor's Choice

Opinion / Columnist

Why do we cheat, How do we stop these killings?

23 Feb 2017 at 00:44hrs | Views
The last two decades have seen a chronology of unplanned events forcing Zimbabweans to migrate around the world. Forced by economic and political turmoil to embark on journeys that they knew to be life changing. For most, these journeys were prioritised by the immediate needs for political, economic norms and gains. This migration, once it started, gained momentum and saw Zimbabwe lose millions of its productive demographic and the consequences were inevitable for Zimbabwe and also for its emigrants. Community and family structures were destroyed over night, this was true for those remaining and for those emigrating.

Culture and tradition are in essence necessary factors in cohesive social engineering. All society needs some level of social engineering so as to thrive and develop social environments that promote community values suitable for strong family units to develop and thrive. As one of the early emigrants from Zimbabwe I have observed as our diasporan communities grappled at replicating some semblance of our community structures that served to bond families. However time and social evolution waits for no one and while in some cases this was successful, in many cases this was a failure. Shift work and menial jobs wiped away elements that promoted loyalty and respect between partners, siblings and friends.

I have heard and witnessed a million tales of the suddenly independent money earning ladies that lost respect for their husbands as they became the main breadwinners in their families. Having come from a society where one of the main reasons for marriage was for financial security, this meant the writing was on the wall for many relationships. As the paradigm of power shifted even more when many people regularised their residential statuses and women pursued academic careers, the fat lady sang her unwanted song for even more relationships. Relationships, marriages and friendships suffered terribly. Our natural environment did have the social remedies for such seismic changes. Normally, relatives and community elders would have stepped in to offer counselling and mediation. Aunties and Uncles, brothers and Sisters offering one to one advice and reassurance.

However in the diaspora the lack of proximity to these people left a void as huge and as devastating as a great big black hole. Men are not exempt from behaviours that have destroyed the platforms and foundations for relationships. As some men found themselves in a country that does little to promote family development they struggled to develop the sentimental appreciation of having families. When they found themselves with an unprecedented interest from white women who had an almost mythical belief of their sexual prowess, men lost it big time! To exacerbate the problem UK was experiencing mass migration from countries around the world and natural dynamics meant that there were statistically more women than men, trouble loomed in the horizon.

Cheap easy sex was too available from exotic women for no money and with no strings attached. The perks of a developed country took its toll too. Cheap cars, clothes and gadgets made guys feel invincible and attractive. The assumed sense of prowess born from a background of a developing country with near impossible access to these things was devastating. As we try and integrate into this society it seems we have lost common sense as well. I have been asked many times to be counsel to families that have no one else. Families where a friend has slept with a friends wife or partner. Somehow the loneliness created by an immigrant's lifestyle has seen people develop awkward and unconventional friendships.

I have seen married couples destroyed by singletons who come in the guise of friends and end up in illicit relationships with people's wives, husbands and partners. Women bringing their friends home has caused problems. Men who have brought their single and married friends home too often with disastrous consequences. Work colleagues have been a cause of many many break ups. This lifestyle has meant spending more hours awake and interacting with work colleagues than with partners and has seen weak people develop emotions for them and lead them to cheat. This poisonous cocktail of circumstances has seen a very disturbing pattern emerge.

Murder is a crime of passion. The past few years has seen numerous cases come to light of Zimbabweans murdering their partners apparently motivated by emotions fuelled by infidelity. This is devastating for us as so many lives are affected. The children, the relatives, the friends and their work colleagues. The knock on effect is deep and wide with many people never recovering from this type of tragedy. The perpetrators are languishing in prisons where rape and racism are rife. Once they complete their sentences a lifetime from now they will be deported to a most probable life of destitution in Zimbabwe shunned by everyone due to taboo.

Meanwhile the children sent to Forster homes where depraved physical and sexual abuse are common. The children forever tainted by the shame of a promiscuous mother or father which led to fatality! I could go on and list the names here, but for what purpose? The reason for me putting virtual paper to pen is to ask our community some important questions.


Source - Ezra Tshisa Sibanda
All articles and letters published on Bulawayo24 have been independently written by members of Bulawayo24's community. The views of users published on Bulawayo24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Bulawayo24. Bulawayo24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.