Opinion / Columnist
We have already won 2018 elections, Cdes
23 Mar 2017 at 06:22hrs | Views
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members
COMRADES, while I was flying to and from some regional destinations where I had official commitments, I managed to read through the documents some of you presented during our recent Politburo meeting.
From what I gleaned from those papers, there is no doubt whatsoever that we already have next year's harmonised elections in our back pocket.
To borrow from Cde Jonah, it needs no rocket scientist to tell us that we have already won these elections that is if one is to look at the painstaking planning that all of you Cdes have been investing your time and all other resources at your disposal towards.
When I looked at the things that we are in the process of delivering to the people, one can clearly see that the opposition — even if it forms that unlikely coalition — has no chance of winning the elections.
Only last week, we unveiled a US$15 million cross-border support facility. It came shortly after we had availed a US$10 million facility for a women's bank. Before that, we had availed another US$10 million for the youths.
Cde Jonah, the brains behind all this, set the ball rolling by unleashing the Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics programme, which has since become very popular with both parents and future voters.
This trick will certainly work. The mother of them all is the US$500 million Command Agriculture facility that will soon be extended to cover all farmers.
Meanwhile, we should explore the possibility of having another fund for teachers, another one for nurses, and for the rest of the tertiary students and other groups.
We do not necessarily need to have any money to put in any of these facilities…all we need to do is to launch them and then register as many people as possible; people that we will keep queuing to benefit from these facilities. This way, we are assured that the opposition will have no chance of attracting their attention.
Add all this to the one million people that we are promising houses and residential stands, there is no question that we will certainly get the numbers that we need next year.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND CZ'S NOTEBOOK
Commanded
It started with Command Agriculture, which by an accident of coincidence appears to be a success… we wait to see if the loans will be re-paid in peace for this success to be rolled over to future seasons. And it looks like everything in this country is going to be done or happen on a command basis. Command economy is on its way. Not to be left out, George Charamba has threatened to unleash Command Content Creation for the broadcasting sector. Command Education is already there under the name of STEM. Command Voting has always been there since 1980. Well, one fan of Dr CZ thinks there is really no excuse why Command Love should not be unleashed as well. Do you see that it was never by mistake that this country was the last British colony in Africa because they could not just let go a real marvel of a country like this one?
Impressed
Dr CZ is so impressed with the rate at which our younger brothers and sisters in South Africa are proving to be fast learners. At the weekend, the office of that country's chief justice was broken into and some computers and other files were borrowed.
This trend has been going on at various public offices, newspapers, law firms, human rights institutions etc over the years in that country since President Jacob Zuma assumed power.
Zimbos will agree with Dr CZ that there is nothing really amiss with files being borrowed, even permanently. This has happened to a number of people here, including the just-retired Chief Justice, Godfrey Chidyausiku and Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa, whose office has been broken into a record seven times.
Really?
We loved it when the State-owned and controlled media, which for several months now has been reporting that Command Agriculture was chewing a princely US$500 million, decided to quote Agriculture Minister Joseph Made refuting the same figure, claiming that the project cost was actually US$190 million, not the US$500 million that was suddenly being attributed to Higher and Tertiary Education Minister, Jonathan Moyo.
Until now we thought Cde Moyo was one of those few Zimbos privileged to sit in Cabinet? From this one, it is quite clear that one of the two ministers is lying… Dr CZ's fans can use their discretion to make their pick!
Curious!
We are told that Mkhokheli Mpofu, a police officer who was facing charges of allegedly robbing the body of a pastor who had died in a road accident along the Bulawayo highway in September last year was recently killed after being hit by a car that was being driven by Peter Cahile, a retired police officer, while he was manning a roadblock at around the same spot where the pastor perished. And there were suggestions that the avenging spirit of the dead pastor could have been responsible.
We hope so.
But Dr CZ being someone who is naturally never given to taking things at face value, is not really convinced about this official version of events.
An inquest into the death of Mpofu might be required because things are just not adding up here.
Remember we are talking of the same Bulawayo where some police officers that have threatened to spill the beans on their seniors and other people that think they matter have in the past been killed and accidents staged to cover up the crimes.
For starters, if a police officer is facing such serious charges, it should be natural that they are suspended from duty until they are cleared of those charges. How possible is it then that an alleged cash-loving rogue cop is unleashed to man a roadblock when he has a pending criminal investigation hanging over his head? If anyone asks Dr CZ about this, he will tell them that there is certainly more to this "accident" than meets the eye.
Let us wait and see.
Then on suggestions that the dead good pastor's spirit could have caused Cahile not to see that there was a police officer in the middle of the road waving him to stop at a checkpoint, Dr CZ takes this version with a whole shaker of salt. Reports even suggested that two other people who stole from the dead pastor have also died mysteriously.
From the little that Dr CZ chooses to believe, only spirits of people that cannot get into heaven for various reasons end up busying themselves with haunting the living — no matter how bad — especially over earthly possessions that are all but vanity.
Nxa-a!
Doing the rounds on the social media is a video clip in which television personality, Ruvheneko Parirenyatwa (yes related!) was trying to interview municipal guard-turned war veteran leader-turned honourable legislator, Joseph Chinotimba on his role in the brutalities that took place during the land invasions.
In the short interview, Chinotimba vehemently denies that anyone was attacked, let alone killed during the lands seizures. He insisted that he never heard of any such cases or reports during his time as the commander-in-chief of the farm invasions.
Here we are talking of violence that left several dozens dead and hundreds more maimed. Chinotimba has never heard of it!
This should certainly leave Zimbabwe Human Rights (ZimRights) with an egg in the face having awarded the war veteran a human rights award three years ago. It brings into question the whole idea of honouring people during their lifetime.
Dr CZ is of the view that all awards should be awarded posthumously when they are no longer capable of embarrassing anyone.
Beautiful
A rich man looked through his window and saw a poor man picking something from his dustbin. He said, "Thank God, I'm not poor."
The poor man looked around, saw an undressed man misbehaving on the street He said: "Thank God I am not mad."
The mad man looked ahead and saw an ambulance carrying a patient and said: "Thank God am not sick."
Then a sick person in hospital saw a trolley taking a dead body to the mortuary. He said: "Thank God I'm not dead."
Only a dead person cannot thank God.
Why not thank God today for all your blessings and for the gift of life, for another beautiful day?
What is life?
To understand life better, you have to go to three places:
1. Hospital
2. Prison
3. Cemetery
At the hospital, you will understand that nothing is more beautiful than good health.
In prison, you will see that freedom is the most precious thing.
At the cemetery, you will realise that life is worth nothing. The ground that we walk on today will be our roof tomorrow.
The sad truth is that we all come with nothing and we will go with nothing. Let us, therefore, remain humble and be thankful and grateful to God at all times for everything.
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
COMRADES, while I was flying to and from some regional destinations where I had official commitments, I managed to read through the documents some of you presented during our recent Politburo meeting.
From what I gleaned from those papers, there is no doubt whatsoever that we already have next year's harmonised elections in our back pocket.
To borrow from Cde Jonah, it needs no rocket scientist to tell us that we have already won these elections that is if one is to look at the painstaking planning that all of you Cdes have been investing your time and all other resources at your disposal towards.
When I looked at the things that we are in the process of delivering to the people, one can clearly see that the opposition — even if it forms that unlikely coalition — has no chance of winning the elections.
Only last week, we unveiled a US$15 million cross-border support facility. It came shortly after we had availed a US$10 million facility for a women's bank. Before that, we had availed another US$10 million for the youths.
Cde Jonah, the brains behind all this, set the ball rolling by unleashing the Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics programme, which has since become very popular with both parents and future voters.
This trick will certainly work. The mother of them all is the US$500 million Command Agriculture facility that will soon be extended to cover all farmers.
Meanwhile, we should explore the possibility of having another fund for teachers, another one for nurses, and for the rest of the tertiary students and other groups.
We do not necessarily need to have any money to put in any of these facilities…all we need to do is to launch them and then register as many people as possible; people that we will keep queuing to benefit from these facilities. This way, we are assured that the opposition will have no chance of attracting their attention.
Add all this to the one million people that we are promising houses and residential stands, there is no question that we will certainly get the numbers that we need next year.
Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME
… AND CZ'S NOTEBOOK
Commanded
It started with Command Agriculture, which by an accident of coincidence appears to be a success… we wait to see if the loans will be re-paid in peace for this success to be rolled over to future seasons. And it looks like everything in this country is going to be done or happen on a command basis. Command economy is on its way. Not to be left out, George Charamba has threatened to unleash Command Content Creation for the broadcasting sector. Command Education is already there under the name of STEM. Command Voting has always been there since 1980. Well, one fan of Dr CZ thinks there is really no excuse why Command Love should not be unleashed as well. Do you see that it was never by mistake that this country was the last British colony in Africa because they could not just let go a real marvel of a country like this one?
Impressed
Dr CZ is so impressed with the rate at which our younger brothers and sisters in South Africa are proving to be fast learners. At the weekend, the office of that country's chief justice was broken into and some computers and other files were borrowed.
This trend has been going on at various public offices, newspapers, law firms, human rights institutions etc over the years in that country since President Jacob Zuma assumed power.
Zimbos will agree with Dr CZ that there is nothing really amiss with files being borrowed, even permanently. This has happened to a number of people here, including the just-retired Chief Justice, Godfrey Chidyausiku and Vice President Emmerson Mnangagwa, whose office has been broken into a record seven times.
Really?
We loved it when the State-owned and controlled media, which for several months now has been reporting that Command Agriculture was chewing a princely US$500 million, decided to quote Agriculture Minister Joseph Made refuting the same figure, claiming that the project cost was actually US$190 million, not the US$500 million that was suddenly being attributed to Higher and Tertiary Education Minister, Jonathan Moyo.
Until now we thought Cde Moyo was one of those few Zimbos privileged to sit in Cabinet? From this one, it is quite clear that one of the two ministers is lying… Dr CZ's fans can use their discretion to make their pick!
Curious!
We are told that Mkhokheli Mpofu, a police officer who was facing charges of allegedly robbing the body of a pastor who had died in a road accident along the Bulawayo highway in September last year was recently killed after being hit by a car that was being driven by Peter Cahile, a retired police officer, while he was manning a roadblock at around the same spot where the pastor perished. And there were suggestions that the avenging spirit of the dead pastor could have been responsible.
We hope so.
But Dr CZ being someone who is naturally never given to taking things at face value, is not really convinced about this official version of events.
An inquest into the death of Mpofu might be required because things are just not adding up here.
Remember we are talking of the same Bulawayo where some police officers that have threatened to spill the beans on their seniors and other people that think they matter have in the past been killed and accidents staged to cover up the crimes.
For starters, if a police officer is facing such serious charges, it should be natural that they are suspended from duty until they are cleared of those charges. How possible is it then that an alleged cash-loving rogue cop is unleashed to man a roadblock when he has a pending criminal investigation hanging over his head? If anyone asks Dr CZ about this, he will tell them that there is certainly more to this "accident" than meets the eye.
Let us wait and see.
Then on suggestions that the dead good pastor's spirit could have caused Cahile not to see that there was a police officer in the middle of the road waving him to stop at a checkpoint, Dr CZ takes this version with a whole shaker of salt. Reports even suggested that two other people who stole from the dead pastor have also died mysteriously.
From the little that Dr CZ chooses to believe, only spirits of people that cannot get into heaven for various reasons end up busying themselves with haunting the living — no matter how bad — especially over earthly possessions that are all but vanity.
Nxa-a!
Doing the rounds on the social media is a video clip in which television personality, Ruvheneko Parirenyatwa (yes related!) was trying to interview municipal guard-turned war veteran leader-turned honourable legislator, Joseph Chinotimba on his role in the brutalities that took place during the land invasions.
In the short interview, Chinotimba vehemently denies that anyone was attacked, let alone killed during the lands seizures. He insisted that he never heard of any such cases or reports during his time as the commander-in-chief of the farm invasions.
Here we are talking of violence that left several dozens dead and hundreds more maimed. Chinotimba has never heard of it!
This should certainly leave Zimbabwe Human Rights (ZimRights) with an egg in the face having awarded the war veteran a human rights award three years ago. It brings into question the whole idea of honouring people during their lifetime.
Dr CZ is of the view that all awards should be awarded posthumously when they are no longer capable of embarrassing anyone.
Beautiful
A rich man looked through his window and saw a poor man picking something from his dustbin. He said, "Thank God, I'm not poor."
The poor man looked around, saw an undressed man misbehaving on the street He said: "Thank God I am not mad."
The mad man looked ahead and saw an ambulance carrying a patient and said: "Thank God am not sick."
Then a sick person in hospital saw a trolley taking a dead body to the mortuary. He said: "Thank God I'm not dead."
Only a dead person cannot thank God.
Why not thank God today for all your blessings and for the gift of life, for another beautiful day?
What is life?
To understand life better, you have to go to three places:
1. Hospital
2. Prison
3. Cemetery
At the hospital, you will understand that nothing is more beautiful than good health.
In prison, you will see that freedom is the most precious thing.
At the cemetery, you will realise that life is worth nothing. The ground that we walk on today will be our roof tomorrow.
The sad truth is that we all come with nothing and we will go with nothing. Let us, therefore, remain humble and be thankful and grateful to God at all times for everything.
cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk
Source - fingaz
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