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Command Economy will make Zim-Asset a reality, Cdes

by CZ
09 May 2017 at 15:10hrs | Views
Dear Cabinet and  Politburo members

COMRADES, I have said it before that what I have right now is the best Cabinet team I have ever had in the short time that I have had the privilege to lead this youthful nation.

I should admit that whoever came up with this Command idea is a real genius, because this is exactly what the doctor ordered. With this concept, in no time all of our problems will go away.

I notice that some of you have been suggesting that the Command trick be implemented in a piecemeal way, moving from one sub-sector to the other, but in the interest of time (remember 2018 is only a few months away!), I suggest we go for a full-blown Command Economy straight away.

This way, I can assure all of you that the targets that the people set for us under the Zimbabwe Agenda for Sustainable Socio-Economic Transformation (Zim-Asset) will be more than surpassed.

This is the way to go Cdes. Had this idea come right in 1980, by now we would be the only first world country on the African continent as we would have developed more rapidly than countries such as Singapore.

Anyway, it is not too late. This dream is achievable within our lifetime. So let us all get ready to get our hands dirty as we transform our country under the Command Economy… much to the chagrin of our Anglo-Saxon detractors.

I want each one of you to come up with a list of priority programmes under your respective ministerial portfolios that you think should be implemented under this Command Economy programme.


Kindest  Regards

Yours Sincerely



Hilariously sad!

Now it is official. The nearly US$1 billion dualisation of the Beitbridge-Masvingo highway is going to create 330 000 jobs (please dear reader, be kind not to ask Dr CZ if the project is being done manually in this age of mod-cons because he is also shocked as you should be!) for locals and all these people will be recruited through the structures of the ruling ZANU-PF party.

Transport and Infrastructural Development Minister, Cde Joram Gumbo, who is also the acting ZANU-PF Masvingo provincial chairman, broke this good news at a party meeting at Victoria School in Masvingo last week.

"The dualisation project from Beitbridge to Masvingo is going to create 330 000 jobs and you can write the names of people from your areas for job opportunities," Gumbo said to cheers from elated party members.

Masvingo Minister for Provincial Affairs, the ever-youthful Shuvai Mahofa, chimed: "Recruitment of general labour should be done through local ZANU-PF leadership. We need to screen and take our people only. District chairpersons should have lists of party cadres so that when the programme starts, you are ready with the names of our youths and those who are still fit to work (like myself!); this is what we agreed upon as the leadership of the province."

Talk of leadership!

Dr CZ cannot deny or confirm that the person who writes the script for Sabhuku Vharazipi's drama series is now also moonlighting as a script writer for our government, but the similarities in the two hilarious dramas are too close to be ignored.

So you have heard it, dear reader? This is your country Zimbabwe. We know many will pretend to be surprised with this official announcement, but that show of surprise is not genuine because this is how things have always been done in this country right from 1980. There is really nothing new about this.

Most of us are in this country on sufferance… if the owners of the country had their own way, we would all have been chased away, but sadly international law does not yet allow countries to wantonly disown their citizens.


It was only at the weekend when Dr CZ got to know that a certain "prophet" in this country owns a soccer team. That is how uninterested Dr CZ can be about soccer matters.

He got to know about it when he overheard some over-excited followers of this prophet saying they had all been ordered to turn up at the stadium in their numbers to perform their divine duty of supporting the team, which until then, was maintaining an unbeaten record.

Upon straying into the sports section of newspaper pages, Dr CZ came across this team's coach saying: "We play for the God of our prophet… We are well-supported by our prophet, he is our father, our provider, the one that makes us tick and when we win, we say thank you to him."

This is shocking as it is sad because anyone who cares to read the scriptures should know that there is no such thing as, father — spiritual or otherwise — other than the biological one, for in the body of Christ you are all brothers and sisters.

Matthew 23:9 says: "And call no man your father on earth, for you have one Father, who is in heaven."

Thankfully the team was deservedly made to bite the dust.

God is never a liar… He is the one who is referred to in Numbers 23:19 where it says, "God is not human, that He should lie, not a human being, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfil?"

Dr CZ's rural homeboy, one Blessing Chiza, sunk into well-deserved oblivion after trying to cut a niche for himself as a soccer prophet, coincidentally in Dr CZ's hometown of Bulawayo. This was after Nigerian church leader, TB Joshua, embarrassed himself by wrongly predicting that Hilary Clinton was going to win US elections in November last year.


It had to take Dr CZ's war veteran musician homeboy Dickson "Cde Chinx" Chingaira grave illness for the Zimbabwe Music Awards (ZIMA) to finally avail to him the house that they threatened him with some three years ago. This is very good. One thing that we Africans should learn to do is to keep our word. This is still a big challenge to many of us.

We say so because, jealousy as we naturally are, we hope the same is also going to happen to Mechanic Manyeruke who was threatened with a top-of-the-range car some years ago. Dr CZ knows of journalists who won awards from some organisations   several years ago who never got the prize money and have been insulted away every time they have tried to follow up.

It would have been more honourable had this house been built on land earmarked for a residential area, not on a greenbelt that was invaded for this purpose, just like that for Joseph Chinotimba in the same Malbereign. Or at least the neighbours could have been consulted.

Anyway, this country is not called Zimbabwe for nothing… it is not by accident or coincidence that it is named after ruins of some sort!

French affair!

Now where are those Africans… the mothers-in-laws, the sisters-in-laws, the cousins, the know-all aunties and everybody else who cannot afford to mind their own business?

We mean those perfect marriage specialists… the matchmakers that invite themselves to weddings so that they spend the whole day having a running commentary on what is terribly wrong about everything? Those who know how other people should live their lives, but have no clue how to live theirs? Where are they?

This one is called a French affair!

The next French President is poised to be a 39-year-old.

But that is not the news.

He is married to a 64 year-old… that is still not the news.

His wife was his class teacher 24 years ago… still not the news.

His then class teacher had a daughter who was his classmate… everybody including his parents thought this teacher's daughter was his girlfriend… nope they were all wrong.

He fell in love with his class teacher when he was 15… she was "happily married" with three kids… now the "happily married" is relative in this context.

At 17, he promised to marry her. She was at the time 42 years.

They got married in 2007 with our man then 29 at the time…well she was almost 55.

Next month he is going to be sworn-in as the President of France, six months shy of his 40th birthday while his lovely wife who has three adult kids and seven grandchildren (her first child is two years older than her husband while her second child, the former classmate, is the same age as him).

His name is Emmanuel Macron and he is the next President of France.

Ko mungamudii zvake mwanakomana? Hapana!


Source - fingaz
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