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Another survey puts us top again, Cdes

by CZ
11 May 2017 at 21:36hrs | Views
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, just a year before we go into another election, yet another survey has revealed the obvious … that a preponderating majority of our people trust us. This survey was conducted by a respectable Pan African think-tank known for conducting credible surveys in several countries on the continent.

Results of surveys by this think-tank have proved to be very correct in every sense, even in our case, so as we approach 2018, our work on the ground has been verified by independent researchers who have confirmed that we are the only party that the people — in their own words — say have them at heart.

What more can one ask for?

I really laughed when I learnt that Morgan & Co are suspecting that our party is now clandestinely funding these surveys. They are already running scared.

Sadly, nothing — I mean nothing — will save them from the pot in the next elections!

Meanwhile, Cdes, I am so saddened by the sudden passing on of Cde Godfrey.

His death comes just a few weeks after his retirement — when we were seriously looking at some other role we could have assigned him to — possibly something without these perky age restrictions.

Anyway, who are we to question the Creator's decision? May his dear soul rest in eternal peace… a true son of the soil!

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely




Talk of super-patriots!

"Parliament is working very hard on laws that create ease of doing business," said Speaker of the House of Assembly, the ever-patriotic Cde Advocate Jacob Mudenda this week. "We will make sure that when you swipe, the money will be there."

When do we expect this to happen? — very soon! I will not tell you why I am so optimistic, but in less than nine months or thereabouts, our economy will be ticking, there will be a lot of financial liquidity here so much that the American dollar will be awash everywhere and accessing it will be like picking tomatoes at Mbare Musika.

"Mark my words, and if that does not happen cut off this finger, this one, you come and cut it off!"

Cde Adv Mudenda said the confidence he had of an economic turnaround in less than 12 months was the same with another prediction he made in 1986, that ZANU-PF and PF-ZAPU would form a Unity Accord.

"I was somewhere in Tsholotsho and I said if it does not happen cut my finger and nobody came to cut it off, and it is still there," he said. "Things will improve."

Cde Adv Mudenda urged the nation not to despair and implored the media not to write pessimistic stories.

Dr CZ, the only ISO-certified patriot has always regarded Cde Adv Mudenda as a serious threat to his status because his patriotism is growing at a rate that could soon reach dangerous levels!

Meanwhile, let us warn those who still care to continue reading that in their reading they may come across something like this, somewhere: "While the Fifth Brigade largely failed in its attempt to change people's political allegiance by repression, as is evidenced by the 1985 election results, subsequent ongoing political violence continued to paralyse elected rural ZAPU leaders and led to much distrust at development efforts. The victory of ZAPU in the January 1985 district council elections brought punishment in its wake. In Nkayi, the ZANU PF-Youth and soldiers assaulted the district administrator, councillors, and council and hospital staff under the watchful eye of provincial governor (Cde Jacob) Mudenda…"

These malicious lies — which seek to make him look like he was complicit in the Gukurahundi issues — are meant to tarnish the otherwise squeaky clean public track record of this loyal servant of the people.

We have no doubt whatsoever that the hard-working lawyer — whose respect for human rights is beyond reproach — is keeping his legal options open. Nxa-a!


Still talking of real super-patriots, Dr CZ's homeboy, who sometimes moonlights as the Minister of War Veterans & Blah, Blah, Cde Tshinga Dube tells us that he has set up a company, Power Zimbabwe, through which the ministry hopes — one day — not just to stop depending on Treasury, but also to generate enough cash to fund government operations to a generous extent that the Zimbabwe Revenue Authority might actually became redundant. Dear fan; please don't laugh because this is what Cde Tshinga & Co are threatening! When Power Zimbabwe starts operating at full throttle, no more spot fines on roadblocks, no more tollgates, no more poverty! One of the projects that the war veterans are working on is a world-class hospital that they are going to build in Victoria Falls, which will cater for celebrities from America, Europe and some such places. Please don't laugh, dear fan! Maybe we should take this man seriously because he is the very same man who was responsible for the Zimbabwe Defence Industries, a very successful business venture.

Remember him pushing a motion in the House of Assembly last year that there should be traditional chiefs in urban areas… at which point Dr CZ started rubbing his belly in gleeful anticipation of being the inaugural Chief Mzilikazi (not to be confused with King Mzilikazi!). Unhappily, later in the week there were reports about the same brother man being ill and admitted in hospital where he was said to be "in the ICU, but not in danger"… whatever that is supposed to mean!


The election to choose the ZANU-PF Masvingo provincial chairman was held again last weekend. They reminded many Zimbos of the 2008 presidential elections.

The first election held in March was ruled by the Politburo to be inconclusive and were therefore abandoned.

In the first round, Cde Ezra Chadzamira, whom we are made to understand is a Team Lacoste candidate, polled 12 393 votes while Rtd Colonel Mutero Masanganise, whom we are made to understand to belong to G40 faction, had 4 888 votes. A re-run was commanded. On the eve of the command re-run, Masanganise pulled out citing massive rigging, intimidation and other electoral malpractices.

Despite Masanganise having done a Tsvangirai, the command vote still went ahead. Chadzamira went on to cruise to a resounding victory.

Please do not ask Dr CZ what could have happened to Masanganise's previous 4 000-plus votes… for what Yours Truly knows for sure is that the losing side is still crying "foul!" It is claiming that the election was rigged, rigged, rigged and rigged again!

Well, talk of washing the family dirty linen in public!

We loved the following as reported in the media: "Contacted for comment, Rtd Col Masanganise, who did not turn up for elections, professed ignorance about the elections saying: 'I am not aware of any elections that I participated in. What results are you referring to?"'


It took government three weeks to find alternative accommodation for the 17 disabled people who were lawfully evicted from the Leonard Cheshire Home in Harare's cool Avenues area. It should really been a long journey from their offices to the Avenues site where the "victims" had stubbornly camped in the rain and cold for the past three weeks protesting their eviction from the place they stridently say it is their right to live in for free.

There are people in Parliament who are specifically there to represent the interests of people with disabilities, but unhappily, a good number of them are very, very busy. One of them was recently in court claiming to have been raped upon leaving a nightclub in the wee hours of the day somewhere in Matabeleland South… it turned out that the 56-year-old lawmaker could have cooked things up after being caught in some misdemeanour of sorts.

Well, back to the 17 evictees. They will now be housed "temporarily" at Ruwa Rehabilitation Centre. Let Dr CZ warn them in advance… the moment they arrive at that place is the last time they will ever hear from these mandarins ever again!

Meanwhile, from the smell of things, it looks like some ruling party goons are now plotting to seize that Leonard Cheshire Home property. Watch this space!


Dr CZ was saddened by the recent passing on of the recently retired Chief Justice, Justice Godfrey Chidyausiku, whom we are just learning was the great, great grandson of Mbuya Nehanda! It is therefore only natural that the brother was declared a national hero. How we wish there was a higher grade of national "hero-ship" for those of his ilk!


In Tanzania, the May 15 deadline is looming for the nearly 1 000 civil servants found with fraudulent educational qualifications to dismiss themselves from the public jobs through which they have been cheating a living, failure of which would see them being prosecuted. They face up to seven years in jail.

After noticing their performance, that country's no-nonsense President, John Magufuli ordered an audit into the qualifications of all civil servants, which audit revealed that 9 932 names appearing on the public salary roll were not found anywhere in the database of that country's examination body.

Thankfully, that would never happen in this country because we love our people so much… and we care so much!

Imagine that happening here… half of the civil service would dismiss itself, including some Cabinet ministers! Thankfully this is not Tanzania, just as it is not France!

Source - fingaz
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