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Opinion / Columnist

You are doomed without me, Cdes

by CZ
23 Nov 2017 at 10:05hrs | Views
Dear Former Comrades

MY former Comrades, as I have always pointed out, I am and will always be, a loyal servant of the people. When the people decided that I had served them enough and it was time for me to pass the baton onto someone, I duly complied.

Who was I to challenge the decision of my masters, the people? As I have always stressed, I did not impose myself on that thankless job, but it was the people who begged me to leave my rewarding and satisfying job as a teacher in Ghana to come and serve them. I am proud that I did that to the best of my ability for nearly six decades.

In order to do this, I had to make great personal sacrifices, including the most unforgivable one, which was to disappoint my own mother. The dream that she lived for all her life was to see me become a school headmaster, but when the people demanded that I serve them, I had no choice by to comply, which meant having to disappoint her in order to serve the country, my country, our country.

In hindsight, I now realise what sages mean when they say politics is a thankless profession. The way it came to an end was not what I had expected. Being sacked from the party… my own party which I helped found. Some even say the decision was carried by our trademark unanimous vote!

Anyway, being keenly aware that for defying my own mother in order to serve you my now former Cdes, and the people, she went to the grave with a broken heart. She did not forgive me for disappointing her by not becoming the headmaster that she had wanted me to be… instead becoming a Prime Minister and later a President, a job whose value she always told me she did not see. Of late, everything that I touched immediately turned into ash and dust… In our culture this kind of misfortune is called kutandabotso… suffering the curse of a dead parent. It is, therefore, not surprising that it had to come to this very bad end.

Be that as it may, I have to express my disappointment at the way most of you not only deserted me in my last days as your leader, but also how some of you actually turned against me! It is something that I will never believe actually happened because it is just impossible for my mind to register that it happened.

Now I understand why this country was not making any progress of late… I was surrounded by fake people and criminal saboteurs that were doing the bidding of their Western masters… I can tell by the way most of you were so quick to desert me… even those that used to describe me as Cremora, or those that used to call themselves my most obedient sons… they all disappeared, leaving me with Cde Mike, who happens to be my brother in-law, Cde Joseph, who is my nephew-in-law, and my two other relatives. In hindsight, I now agree with sages when they say chawawana idya nehama mutorwa anehanganwa! I should just have surrounded myself with my relatives only - it would certainly not have come to this - but instead, I made the blunder of putting my trust in total strangers who would come with plastic smiles fawning around me: "He-eh Gushungo this, he-eh Gushungo that!" Nonsense! All hypocrisy! Shameless thieves! To think some of them are actually people I elevated to very senior government positions from being useless une
mployables… only for them to thank me in this most callous way?

Anyway, I am leaving with a very clear conscience… I did my very best under the most impossible of circumstances, especially surrounded by sell-outs and saboteurs.

I am not bitter at all, but just naturally disappointed that people, most of whom I invited to join the party and for who I have worked so tirelessly, treated me this badly. I had a chance to watch some of the videos of the events of the past few days… I could not believe what I heard some of you saying about me!

What I can assure you is that this is the biggest blunder that this country has ever made… and it is a blunder that the people of this country will live to rue forever. It is not just this country that has lost its finest leader ever, but the whole of the African continent and the progressive world at large. The world will never have a blessing of yet another authentic leader like me.

That you have decided, in your wisdom - in actual fact lack of it - to sell the motherland back to the imperialists for 30 pieces of silver, I am relieved that history will record that I did my part to free my people from the shackles of imperialism.

God and the gods willing, I will continue to write to you… just to remind you of the sin that you have committed… especially now that I have a lot of time to myself. I will not be just addressing you to remind you of this grave mistake that you have made, but will also start writing my much-awaited memoirs… the world needs to know the truth. And, naturally being the Mafirakureva that I was born to be, I will be taking no prisoners now that I have no votes to seek or friends to lose, but just enemies to endear myself to through nothing but the truth!

One thing for sure is that all the charges that were levelled against me were nothing but mere concoctions… and they naturally originated from my perennial Anglo-Saxon detractors.

I have a job and a half to clear my name and that of my family.

Asante sana

ME

. . .  AND THE NOTEBOOK

History
From its verbiage, the statement below can be traced to Robert Mugabe. It was issued in the final days of the protracted Lancaster House talks. "We are irrevocably committed to the position that the Zimbabwean people, by whose blood and sacrifice colonialism was exorcised from the land, must themselves be the perpetual guarantors of sovereignty in the face of all challenges, domestic and foreign. Liberation and the process leading thereto must, once agreed, be irrevocable and irreversible. We know no other way of ensuring this than that strict adherence to the principle that the people and their forces that toppled minority rule must be entrusted with the task of ensuring that colonialism, under whatever guise, will not return to plague the nation again."

The very same people Mugabe talked about were back in the past two weeks to dutifully do what was expected of them as they rescued the country from being his family's private colony. How history repeats itself!

Reality
The events of the past weeks in Zimbabwe have just confirmed one thing that Dr CZ has always drawn the important attention of his fans to… all loyalty is genuine fake! Never to expect to receive genuine loyalty from a fellow human being because this does not exist yet; and will never exist. For now what exists is pretense - an over-supply of it - depending on circumstances. Sadly, there are people who choose to believe that there are human beings that can be loyal to them when they themselves cannot be loyal to anyone, God included! The Good Book shows that God himself had to destroy humanity twice after man's disloyalty left Him thoroughly dejected.

If a human being finds it hard to be loyal to God, who do you think you are to earn his unquestionable loyalty? Who are you? If ever you want loyalty, just get yourself a dog. A human being is more than a risk… why do you think servants at ancient palaces had to be preferably male, and castrated males (eunuchs) for that matter?

Over the years, there were many voices - including during the so-called million man marches - that were heard screaming that they were ready to die for Robert Mugabe. We did not hear from them in the last week when the defining moment finally arrived. If anything, we heard from the very same loud mouths how bad a leader Robert Mugabe was… what a curse he was to this nation. This is a human being for you! Many people think Dr CZ is rude, but sometimes it is less cruel to make one's opinion known than to give people the impression that they are what they can never be… when reality finally dawns like it did at the so-called Blue Roof this week, the effects can be more devastating that a tsunami. Usually after such a "betrayal" (which is never a betrayal in the strictest sense because loyalty is never there from the start!) some people find no reason to live anymore, and they die before their time. We hope it will be different in this case, just like our own coup was different! He-eh, one centre of power! He-eh,
we are ready to die for Baba Mugabe naDr Amai Grace Mugabe. He-eh, Mugabe is Jesus Christ. He-eh, he will rule even from the grave. He-eh blah, blah! In no time it was a different story altogether. Dr CZ is still to find out who was casting those millions of votes that always retained Mugabe in power in perpetuity.

Biblical
Zimbos always like going biblical. This time they are saying what is happening in their country - about the mysterious power of the crocodile - was foretold in Bible. Now let's read the book of Job 41:1-10.

1. "Can you pull in the leviathan (crocodile) with a fishhook or tie down his tongue with a rope? 2. Can you put a cord through his nose or pierce his jaw with a hook? 3. Will he keep begging you for mercy? Will he speak to you with gentle words? 4. Will he make an agreement with you for you to take him as your slave for life? 5. Can you make a pet of him like a bird or put him on a leash for your girls? 6. Will traders barter for him? Will they divide him up among the merchants? 7. Can you fill his hide with harpoons or his head with fishing spears? 8. If you lay a hand on him, you will remember the struggle and never do it again! 9. Any hope of subduing him is false; the mere sight of him is overpowering. 10. No one is fierce enough to rouse him. Who then is able to stand against me?"

Gone
One thing that Dr CZ has learnt in life is to be content in every situation… and not to expect anything better unless, obviously, if God wills it. That way, one is safe from any disappointments. Very soon the euphoria around the final good-riddance departure of Robert Mugabe and people will return to their old daily lives… very soon five years will come to pass after the man blamed for almost every stagnation in every Zimbo's life is gone, but many will not be having anything to show for the change. We have heard almost everyone saying were it not for this old man… were it not for this one… if only he dies… now that he is out of the picture, it could be high time we started shopping around for another scapegoat for our own shortcomings. Anyway, let us wait and see.

Waiting!
While this not so-coup coup was taking too long to be consummated for many Zimbos who could no longer bear the agony of waiting another nano-second, Zimbos being Zimbos, they started talking about how after this inordinate wait, many will start appreciating the agony that many small houses go through after being assured that the process to divorce "that witch" at their lovers' homes has commenced. They would always want an update.

Welcome
The only thing that Dr CZ is elated about Constantino waBantu's Operation Restore Legacy project are reports that some people could be on the verge of having their fake doctorate degrees withdrawn. This would be most welcome as it would make Dr CZ feel more important.

Source - fingaz
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