This n that with Maluphosa: Wot the scarabs!

The scarabs are in town. I am not talking about those brittle dung -ball rollers whose job is to clean the surrounding of all that is animal waste no. I am talking about those two legged belligerent ones who have been gallivanting all around the mother city, Cape Town, spreading the toilets message. They have been spraying important residences with brown yellow red black orange graffiti, using human waste as their paint. Most of those involved are teenagers, and it seems a shame for all that energy to be going to waste, dissipating throughout the city. Perhaps, to some extent, this sheds some light to the rationale behind child labour. The citizens and the local government in Cape Town have been hitting it off like the Israelites and the Pharaoh at the slightest opportunity. A woman who looked like the descriptions of plague victims from the middle-ages huffed and puffed about her faeces that had been apprehended by the police that morning.                
"These are our faeces which we produce. They belong to us. And the police have taken them away; worse we do not know where they have taken them to." This is what she said about her dear produce, something which many think it is one of the few things that the locals produce happily, or without being compelled to.                             
The masses here embarked on a faeces-production-and-dispersal spree that has left many, including some of their civilized kin, stunned. They are protesting against mobile toilets. There have been cases where the porta-porties have been emptied on premiers' and Mayors' door-steps. The poo-carriers travel long distances, on trains or busses, with their contraband, just to empty it onto pavements, roads and door-steps. The government has been gentle with the protesters. They believe they have a point. The protesters have also made it clear that their rights are being trampled upon by the government. One went on to say their faeces have a right to be disposed of in a more hygienic and safe way. And after the faeces had been arrested by the police, one protester shouted that they had a right to know where their faeces are being taken to, in case they want to visit the faeces. Having grown up in an African society where sorcery is in practiced to astronomical levels, one can understand why this lady was so pissed off about her faeces being taken to flies-know-where. It is common knowledge that people claim that when you are a s'nyefu, who poos anywhere and leave your faeces uncovered, abathakathi will sample your stuff for panel-beating. And once they are done, you will suffer from a lot of inexplicable abdominal disorders, plus amathumba ezibunu.                                 
A friend of Dee who stays in cape town where this toilets saga and its results are evident, says these toilets are a great inconvenience; she says one night she went out to empty her tummy because she suffered from diarrhea. Lo and behold there was no toilet. Someone who obviously suffered from the same problem had towed it to close to their own mkhukhu. Minister in the presidency's office aptly put it that this form of protest is both undignified and dangerous. But who cares about that when their lives are in more danger of being blown away any-time with unlicensed guns? Okungayisikufa yikuphi!                             
Oh how I wish the South Africans will adopt the building brigades idea from Zimbabwe! This would ensure they build toilets for every home-stead country-wide. Who-ever wants to arrest their faeces will not go down the Blair toilet. Dee himself says these people are dumb; these toilets are high class as they are used in airplanes and ships. So, development is rather too fast for these communities. Election time is upon this rich southern neighbour, and the feeling from some quarters is that it is all too political, and blatantly so. He says it is not the users who are protesting but political or party agitators. He also says this country has focused so much on rights without responsibilities. A party political system has been created whereby local councils are not made to account for the services they deliver or otherwise.                     
The citizens have also been spoon-fed so much they can only cry like babies once they are weaned off a certain service, or asked to meet the government half-way. This is what has made the kak-mentality spread like the proverbial veld fire. But no one expects another Marikana from this incident; no one in their right frame of mind would point their AK47 at masses armed with gallons and gallons of hlafeus.                             
Godlwayo assures me there will never be such madness in our own country. We are indigenizing everything including the climate. Those of you who did not know, our climate is our natural resource just like our land. And Dee agrees they chose a man with robust geographic chauvinism, whatever that means, as the Minister of Climate. Anyway, who cares about meanings of words when our ozone layer needs to be replaced as a matter of urgency? You see, we are being practical here; most of these western countries, especially America and Britain, pay lip service to real life threatening issues like global warming. Look also how we introduced load shedding over a decade ago, to reduce global warming in our indigenous hemisphere. And the minister of climate will make sure we beat everyone in this game. After this very significant and original appointment, one hopes to see many more such original ministries - like the Minister of Pedestrians and Pavements in the Resident Minister's office, or the Minister of the Zimbabwe Ruins in the Presidium; or The Uneducated Ministers in the president's other office (those women who were said to be so uneducated they don't deserve ministerial posts). But, Minister of climate? Ngiyabonga mina!
 
Mal'phosa
Live from Joburg