Bulawayo24 News - Skyes! "it makes perfect sense"

This and that with Mal'phosa: Ngayende ngabude! What?

Malema is very crafty, just like that red fox, neh? He has outsmarted everyone this time around. He can hide behind load shedding, rise in crime, Phalaphalagate etc as reasons he wants Ramaphosa gone. While this list might have contributed…

Published: 26 Mar 2023 at 20:34hrs | 4 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa: No, South Africa can never be another Zimbabwe

Finally, load 'shredding' is over, for now. Well, my workmate calls it so. She is a modern day Malaprop and does not care whether words she uses are appropriate or not. 'This morning police comprehended two suspects at Bree Taxi rank.…

Published: 13 Oct 2022 at 13:46hrs | 15 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This & that with Mal'phosa: The endangered species

I have a feeling the Ndebele language is endangered - and we, the custodians of the language by right of being senior citizens - are not helping the situation in any way. How would you feel if you were the last Ndebele speaker in the whole…

Published: 22 Aug 2022 at 11:04hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This & that with Mal'phosa: Int'yenzayo, Aaron Motsoaledi siyayizonda!

There was a demonstration yesterday in Hilbrow - Zimbabweans of all tribes, colour and creed coming together to plead with the Home office to please extend their permits. Well, you might not have heard about the demo, or seen any sign of i…

Published: 14 Aug 2022 at 15:04hrs | 20 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Yes No, maybe

Hey boys, how does it feel to have a girl say 'Yes' now and then 'No' after a day or two or after week? Remember how devastating it was or it is? I can think of three of my friends abazi hilelayo because of this humiliating childish girlis…

Published: 22 Jan 2017 at 11:10hrs | 2 | by Clerk ndlovu

This and that with Mal,phosa - Home or Foreign Affairs?

We have been in this queue for the past two hours and the night seems to be forever. I can feel the unbearable pressure from the call of nature but I, and no one, dare wonder away from the safety of the crowd; there are marauding mashona m…

Published: 04 Dec 2016 at 14:12hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with M'lphosa: Football gone to the sissies?

Mankind has enjoyed ball games, especially football â€“ which is considered a sport for the poor until one sits down and analyses the figures â€“ for over two thousand years. Football especially has evolved over the years, refining into a …

Published: 30 Oct 2016 at 12:57hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - How The Mighty Have Fallen

  A friend sent me a picture of the once untouchable, formidable and all too powerful former speaker of parliament and former Zanu secretary for administration, and former Member of parliament for Makoni, and most ardent architect of …

Published: 23 Oct 2016 at 12:58hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Back From Heaven

Have you heard? It's a crime to call one pastor's name in Zimbabwe, that pastor who went to heaven and took photos and came back to earth within hours. Well, they say his name yinhlamba enkulu but no one has volunteered to tell me what it …

Published: 10 Apr 2016 at 17:19hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - All Patriots, stand up!

What a game yesterday between two giants of football, Chicken Inn and Sundowns! It kept every lover of the game on the edge of their seats from start to finish. The attacking flair, the aggression, the organization and co-ordination of bot…

Published: 29 Feb 2016 at 06:58hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Long live the love letter

Four â€˜love' letters still stand out prominently from among the many I am lucky to have seen and read. Of course, one was written by me and it made me the laughing stock of the whole class if not the whole school. My brothers had just com…

Published: 14 Feb 2016 at 14:12hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa: Complications of the Season

Happy birthday Jesus; and Complications of the season, everybody. What is there to compliment in such a dreary and depressing year! Southern Africa is experiencing a drought that has made weather reporters typical bearers of bad tidings, a…

Published: 03 Jan 2016 at 11:31hrs | 3 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Take a leaf from Zuma

The unfortunate anarchy which has resulted in the butchery of citizens in Bujumbura brings forth a few pertinent questions which all high-light the monumental failure of the regional groupings like the SADC, AU, Ecowas and the United Natio…

Published: 27 Dec 2015 at 14:09hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - You fired, god!

If the Greek lord of the sky and rain had been a real person with a job and family to support, he'd have found himself searching for another job and being disowned because of negligence and ineptitude. I am sure the supreme ruler of the un…

Published: 15 Nov 2015 at 18:01hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Maluphosa - Making ends meet, the Goli way

It has become so hard for most of those in the Diaspora to make ends meet, especially in South Africa. And when one phones home they'd just be praying they will be told sekungcono, they can now come back; come back to the land of milk and …

Published: 08 Nov 2015 at 18:39hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Maluphosa - Ngubani obethela umuzi

My friend went home recently and received the shock of his life. His home looked strange - just three months after he went to work in Botswana. The curtains would not have caught his attention had it not been for their colour and unfamilia…

Published: 31 Oct 2015 at 14:40hrs | 7 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Maluphosa - The Xeno at the Hospital

Last Thursday night I was at Johannesburg Hospital with a friend when a couple with an obviously ill baby arrived in an ambulance. They were in obvious panic as the baby fitted and groaned continuously.  The only male clerk on duty, a…

Published: 25 May 2015 at 07:25hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Happy birthday, Zimbabwe

Happy birthday, Zimbabwe. You were born out so much blood, as if from some inevitable and necessary Caesarian section. And like old dark, ominous, stinking blood clots from a Caesarian section, your children lie scattered all over the plan…

Published: 19 Apr 2015 at 14:59hrs | 3 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Maluphosa - Live from Joburg

'Ngiya enkunini.' This was a very common and probably liked status when we grew up and began to know adult things. Other very common ones were 'Umama kekho,' 'Ssiya esigayweni,' or 'Kulabantu bemzini.'  It was left to the recipient to…

Published: 09 Mar 2015 at 12:34hrs | 2 | by Maluphosa

This and that with Mal'phosa - Galo-Yephuka!

My grandfather wrestled my grandmother's love from her heart via 'galo-yephuka'. This is nothing like a gun to your head, a knife to your throat or a spear to your heart but the panic is just like that induced by these other dodgy methods …

Published: 18 Jan 2015 at 11:30hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - And seven more came tumbling after

The Granami just drowned seven more non-believers. It is like a road-traffic carnage during the festive season. And there is a fear that more, less equal comrades are definitely going to follow. The mishap reads like that nineties anti-aid…

Published: 26 Dec 2014 at 11:07hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Christmas; Is it still Ho Ho Ho?

Anyone who still believes in those big old men with long, white beard, red work-suits, and over-sized gum-boots who appear on TV at this time of the years every year, going 'Ho Ho Ho, it's Christmas at ok; and displaying wide generous but …

Published: 07 Dec 2014 at 11:37hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Izali Beula i-Sewula

A wise man one said a doctor's mistake is buried under ground while a teacher's mistake roams the streets. Having experienced both worlds as a health worker and a teacher, I would say the teacher still feels the joy of meeting his own â€˜m…

Published: 27 Jul 2014 at 18:38hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Not necessarily a prophet

Picture this: a visibly pregnant woman, almost term, sits on a cansi in front of a very hysterical man who is obviously in some 'trance' â€“ saying a lot of indecipherable speech. He is so emotionally absorbed in what occupies or possesses…

Published: 16 Jun 2014 at 13:15hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Proud to be black

What is the connection between the following terms; ilahle, Lobengula, nswintila, gutsi? These have been used to define the darkest blacks in our societies. These are terms also used to insult those perceived to be blacker than black, abam…

Published: 17 May 2014 at 16:14hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Ngeyethu!

Well, the verdict is out. The people of South Africa like Nkandla. The Nkandla that their President Jacob built. In his final rally at the FNB stadium, some say he was shouting "Nkandla!" and the multitudes shouted back, ""Ngeyethu!" "All …

Published: 11 May 2014 at 17:02hrs | 3 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Mal'phosa - A beginner's definition of political terms

A teacher friend of mine sent me this test outcome which was written by one of his Form Three pupils. Like Mtasa asked one day at a rally in Mahole, Filabusi; 'Botitsha, abantwana libafundisani?'Riot police - equivalent to oma beret - thes…

Published: 07 May 2014 at 15:10hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Maluphosa: Wot the scarabs!

The scarabs are in town. I am not talking about those brittle dung -ball rollers whose job is to clean the surrounding of all that is animal waste no. I am talking about those two legged belligerent ones who have been gallivanting all arou…

Published: 17 Sep 2013 at 13:17hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Inter-tribal Marriages

As we queued patiently and let abantu bemzini vote ahead because they 'had come from afar', izakhamizi in front of us began an interesting argument. 'Ngokungo yere-yere! Ishit zabantu lezi.' 'Ye, abafana bes'gundwaneni.' Then we were not s…

Published: 28 Jul 2013 at 10:29hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Emadlodlo 22

The two race horses are still literally sweating it out 45 minutes later. Phela ingoma zabazawethu are close to a hundred kilometres long each. One of them has taken off his tattered and torn shirt, revealing a tsheketshas torso, marked wi…

Published: 09 Jun 2013 at 07:15hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - That is not in the Bible

There are four women who 'haunt' Jourbert Park all day every Sunday. They take turns to preach to a passers-by congregation, shouting their lungs out and prancing and flapping like chickens trying to protect their young ones from ihobo. Th…

Published: 05 Mar 2013 at 14:49hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This n that with Mal'phosa:- Tongues and Miracles

Ever wondered where all those Scripture Union Bible Bashers or fanatics who used to ambush you anywhere around the school premises during your school days disappeared to? Me too. I have waited with abated breath for some of them to join th…

Published: 13 Feb 2013 at 16:50hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Ml'phosa: United States Of Africa 1

I have always found the idea of a united states of Africa quite intriguing as I think of what Zimbabwe my country would offer in both creating and sustaining the seemingly impossible state. This is not a new idea just mooted by those who s…

Published: 03 Feb 2013 at 12:50hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Mal'phosa - Doomsday, again and again

Got an e-mail from a client the other day; "I will be back in the office first week of January- - - unless of course the Mayans got it right this time and the world ends on 21 December 2012; then it's unlikely I will see anyone next year (…

Published: 13 Jan 2013 at 09:15hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa - Umshado Ongcwele

A 'very kind' young man married his mother a few weeks ago - umtshado omhlophe. It is said that amadlozi told him to marry his own mother so she could belong to the family. I must admit it took a lot of drugging to bring all this kindness …

Published: 18 Mar 2012 at 11:05hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and That with Maluphosa - Siyidla ngaphi?

Siyidla ngaphi lamhlanje? Well, this used to be such a common question emakhaya during those 'good old days'. And at times an invitation to a wedding or Christmas party would already have been sent out. A few days or even weeks before Chri…

Published: 25 Dec 2011 at 11:40hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa: Born In The Village!

Christmas time always reminds me of a play I witnessed at one Secondary School a few years ago. Apparently there had been a few students who had come back from town to learn e-makhaya because of umumo womnotho. And most of the children, ve…

Published: 11 Dec 2011 at 06:10hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa: - Amabele and a fight

Godlwayo reminded me of some games we used to play ekweluseni. Phela we did not have ama cell phone, TV games, play stations- even isoccer ball was such a rare commodity who-ever had it was player-coach. We used to improvise for almost eve…

Published: 13 Nov 2011 at 14:01hrs | 1 | by Maluphosa

This and that with Maluphosa Maluphosa: Bullies All over

Dee is very dejected; his daughter has left school, temporarily, one hopes. She is said to be fleeing bullies at her school. Phela eMzansi bullying is so dangerous it's no-longer viewed as a rite of passage.I remember at primary school whe…

Published: 09 Oct 2011 at 17:07hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa Maluphosa: Ngeke ngilubhade eMaxeke

Last week the Daily Sun reported about  a man who suffered from paraphymosis having reported at Johannesburg (Charlotte Maxeke Hospital) and received no assistance. The 21 year old man from Vosloorus was said to be in such severe pain…

Published: 18 Sep 2011 at 11:28hrs | | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa: First world country with Fourth world criminology

Finally he is coming. I don't mean the Son of Man that the pagans waited for with churning tummies on the 21st of May. Of course he is a son of man also. I mean the legendary Dewani.The courts finally ruled that he will be "deported" to So…

Published: 15 Aug 2011 at 09:43hrs | 1 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa: Careful:- uzodla!

A friend of mine from Filabusi says the article on ukudlisa scared the hell out of him. He is both worried and scared; worried that he sees himself as a modern man who washes dishes, bathes his two babies (twins), changes their nappies (pa…

Published: 22 Feb 2011 at 10:33hrs | 4 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa:- When The Honey-moon Expires

Barely a day passes without the Dewanis on the news. Just what happened to this seemingly loving couple is anyone's guess. Painful as it is, it is more painful not knowing the truth. Not that sithand'izinto, but so that bloody honey-moons …

Published: 11 Feb 2011 at 14:01hrs | 3 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa:- Home sweet home!

I was at home affairs Marabastad on the early January. I made some disturbing observations from naughty to serious hatred. Two guys who looked like friends fought almost to the death- for nothing really. One, a clear chain-smoker, kept puf…

Published: 28 Jan 2011 at 13:19hrs | 9 | by Clerk Ndlovu

This and that with Maluphosa:- Wadliswa Ngubani

African medicine is very exciting and frightening at the same time; exciting to the student and researcher but frightening to the credulous and superstitious villager.Unlike European medicine, African doctors offer concoctions for love, ha…

Published: 31 Dec 2010 at 17:49hrs | 4 | by Sapa

This and that with Maluphosa:- Death of a gangster

Reading one of the late William Phiri's articles about gangsters emalokshini reminded me of the death of one of the members of the notorious Star Force. The boy stayed a few houses from my house in Nkulumane. I didn't know him very well, n…

Published: 22 Dec 2010 at 15:26hrs | 2 | by Clerk Ndlovu

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