This and that with Mal'phosa - You fired, god!

If the Greek lord of the sky and rain had been a real person with a job and family to support, he'd have found himself searching for another job and being disowned because of negligence and ineptitude. I am sure the supreme ruler of the universe is the least pleased individual presently as he walks around these wind-swept, scorched and almost barren plains below. He is disgusted at the grief among his creatures below as they panic and fight for survival. The world has shown its trust in him and his team; the trees have already flowered in anticipation; the birds have produced their young ones hopimg for plenty; the humans, too, are preparing to farm. And he probably has two words, 'You're fired!' for Zeus. Then we can choose another willing god, or take charge of our weather demands.

But one friend suggested that Zeus, the lord of the sky and rain, is one deity who likes to go AWOL, or off-sick or to take long leave during summer, like many derelicts like him. Or he is busy interfering in other gods' businesses and therefore has little time for his own. Or he died long ago and the one acting is not happy as he is not remunerated for his efforts. Yes, the Greeks believed gods died too and went to stay in the sky. Whatever Zeus' reasons for casualness are, compared with the god of the sun, he is not only indolent but unsympathetic too.  Helios, or is it Apollo, works over time and is often so overzealous. If the rain god is lazy to work, Apollo, the god of the sun, takes over. And at times it feels like he works to be felt, not appreciated, and moves too close to the surface of the earth with the sun turned to 'High!' this last month or so will bear witness. nestle

Meanwhile, the mortals here are already so scared they are at gathering Zeus' various shrines to remind him that it supposed to be summer. And those who can pray already have their tongues in overdrive, trying to conjure some salvation for the region. Yet the verdict is already out – Southern Africa will experience the worst drought in years. Whether prayer will change this piece of fate remains to be seen. And, of course, the religious squabbles will follow should the weather suddenly change for the better. Some will declare it was their god, and others too will claim it was theirs. What makes it so difficult to know what works best is that the desperate mortals try everything and shuns nothing. The traditionalists attend Christian prayer services and the Christians also attend rain making ceremonies, especially if they are held during the night.


There are marked differences on how these two groups conduct business. Christians will and can pray anytime anywhere for the rains. A seemingly normal prayer and praise service can double up as a prayer service for rain too. Or the MC or mfundisi can announce prayer for rain as an after thought if he wishes. Finally, sicela ukuthi sikhulekeleni izulu. And they pray to their one and only father, the son and holy-spirit. And everyone, including the youngest souls in the assembly, will pray for rain. Phela uYesu lidlozi lomuntu wonke, small big old young black white rich poor healthy ailing. But Christians will say their god says bayekeleni abantwana beze kimi, directly. And they say their god prefers prayers from these young mouths because inhliziyo zabo azilasici!

And so anyone can speak to him anytime anywhere. And he stays awake, day and night, listening to and puzzling through our problems for solutions.

The traditionalists usually have a special day set for the occasion. Only abadala are required. Yes, abantwana should come to their amadlozi through their parents. All the renowned rainmakers will lead the gathering through the rituals which normally include rain dances, supplications to ancestors, beer drinking and making appropriate offerings and sacrifices.
But then Zeus is not a mortal; and he does not work to please anyone. And he doesn't care. Yes, he is not African. And he doesn't have our interests at heart too – we are not Greek. So, who should look after us? Or to whom should we send our supplications for rain, too?

Thina silo Ngwali, perhaps the same guy the wise ones from the east call mwari? Ngwali is based e Njelele, somewhere in the hollow bowels of the rocks there. And he is supposed to be the supreme god of rain. And he is said to be able to punish his subjects for any type of defilement on his land or his home. We all know his shrine was defiled in the eighties. A group of rowdy hooligans in army uniform shot at the shrine with their fake guns. There is a lot that we have seen ever since – like fatal lightning strikes and many births of disabled children or lethal accidents and nation rising against nation – all of which those in the know claim it is punishment from Ngwali, the supreme god of the sky and rain. Perhaps he is in collusion with gods of other nations too, punishing their subjects for many other misdemeanors, like turning their backs on them..

When were growing up in the rural areas, we would see, just before the rain season started, our elders gathering during one weekend on a mission called ukwethula. They believed that exposed animal or human bones and old branches and other debris hanging on trees could cause a drought or storms. They would go out into the forest to yethula the debris and gather the bones and set them on fire. After these village by village mini-ceremonies, they would choose one or two representatives to embark on a pilgrimage to Njelele, the main shrine. Hey, bekuhanjwa ngenyawo le, regardless of which part of the country one came from. And bekubuyelwa emuva ngenyawo futhi. This was so that the rains would follow your foot prints, ligqibele or ligezise inyawo zakho right up to your village. And when it started raining, omama would come out to welcome the rains – dragging and swinging imbeleko zabantwana on the ground and air or pretending to  hlakula with hoes or scatter some seeds egumeni, ululating all the time and doing their own amateurish rain dance.

Our chance to dance in the rains would follow too, after the rains had stopped – called ukugcabhaza. This was running in the rain and rolling in little pools of water and in the mud.  We would gcabhaza innocently and fearlessly until dusk. Amavimbandlebe would also come out to 'play with us', kube mnandi kabi.

The day after the first rains would be inzilo and no work would be done emasini. This was a sign of respect and gratitude to Ngwali. Ukuzila was not just a preserve for us abamnyama. The Greek believed in it too. One of the days of the week, Thursday is named after one of their gods, the god of thunder, Thor. Hence, Thorsday. They never worked on Thursdays to show their respect and allegiance to Thor. But thina asizazili loba kufiwe – we still go about our daily chores as if kufe inja.

Where did we go wrong, Africa? And, why did we abandon our winning formulae or combinations? Our tried and tested African methods or ways worked for our forefathers for centuries. Ours are neither understandable nor working. And at this rate, doomsday is surely approaching. I see some shudder when you mention African. But not all African is evil, just like not all European is superior.

One friend said not to worry – Africa is the Matabeleland of the world; with consistent and perpetual abuse and neglect from the present rulers. It lags behind in so many aspects and leads the rest of the country with the unemployed, the sick, the uneducated, the poor, the suffering, the backward, the underdeveloped, the displaced, the oppressed, and the famished. And our supplications for self-rule or at least some semblance of recognition fall on deaf ears that are determined not to hear. And we like complaining too, they say, just like Africa; if Britain or America had not done this or said this; if these two had been more generous; if the Chinese had bigger eyes and their wives more shapely; if apartheid had been kinder and more considerate; if the whites had gone earlier, and so on.

Yes, we like complaining and we will not stop as long as our fate is the hands of these heavy-handed and bungling Zeuses who won't help us and are only too happy to block our own efforts at helping ourselves. They gloat at our every misfortune and would rather keep us wretched so we are permanently strapped to their petticoat strings, subdued and downcast. And they'd rather solve other countries' problems than ours. Don't you think it's time we chose someone else as an alternative to these Zeuses, or took charge of our fate as a nation? Laba basibangela usizi lodwa. Ngiyabonga mina!