Why men cheat

There is a lot of turmoil that results from spouses cheating.  Not only spouses, but it is also experienced by people in relationships from very early in their teens until late into their adult lives.  

But why is it this way?  Why do men cheat?  Why do women cheat?  There are some interesting things that I thought I should highlight to my readers and you are free to continue to email me with your feedback or questions.

This week we will talk about why men cheat and then on the next column we will discuss why women cheat.

I had a chat about this with my male workmate, Cosmas. He told me some very interesting things about reasons why men cheat.

Firstly he said background plays a huge part in cheating.  If a man grows up witnessing cheating, it can result in two ways.

He will either grow up to cheat on his own wife because he is so familiar with it, or he resents what he witnessed his mother going through that he vows never to cheat on his own wife.

We should be careful what we expose our children to, lest they become the root of future problems.

Society has moulded us to think that cheating is normal for men.  Apparently it is a manly thing to cheat because 'it's their nature'.

We hear things like 'men are dogs' but is that really true?  I have personally always disagreed with the notion that says that men cheat because it's their second nature.

There are other factors at play and they are not natural.   I think deep down we all know that it's not true because if it was, women wouldn't be so hurt by it when it happens.

These sentiments come from a frustrated point of view.  It's a helpless conclusion.  I hope the issues around cheating will be clearer after this article.

A research done by a certain Dr Neuman said that 48 percent of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.

So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: Only eight percent of men said that sexual dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity.

"Our culture tells us that all men need to enjoy sex," Dr Neuman says.  "But men are also emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they''re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they are working".

The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won''t always know when your man is in need of a little affirmation.

"Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked," Dr Neuman says.

"But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness—and once you set the tone, he''s likely to match it."

The glorification of a cheating man and the pet names they call them like 'player' is another reason men cheat.

Players get the best women because of their charm, experience and skills.  Apparently, it is alleged that women like players.

I do not agree but it's a reasonably general statement.  If women liked players they would not be a lot of heartache whenever they find out about their men's affairs.

Peer pressure is another reason why men cheat.  If most of his friends have girlfriends, he will almost always end up getting one for himself.

Birds of a feather flock together.  Sometimes men engage in emotional indulgence with women.  It can be at work, or at school, or church, wherever.

This is called emotional cheating and it is arguably worse than physical cheating and such relationships can easily escalate to marriage.

Once a man cannot do without that 'friend', he is in a dangerous zone.  So women should be careful to not neglect their communication with their husbands because it could jeopardise your marriage.

One of the main reasons for cheating is because men will be unhappy in their marriages.  Once they are unhappy, they go on to find someone who can be their escape, their fun.

Once they have that person, they start being scarce at home and it gets worse until they stop coming home.

The good side to all this is that these are things that can be changed by human action.  It is not rocket science. Unhappiness can be fixed.

Cosmas told me of something that I have also seen happening a lot.  The resurfacing of the ex.

The thing is if a man keeps in touch with his ex as friends, they will eventually go back in the sack together.

Ex's are fun especially if it was a good relationship.  Cosmas admitted that men are weak and when an ex comes into the picture, usually at the time he needs an escape, he can sleep with her just to satisfy his ego and the fact that his ex still wants him.  However sad it is, it is real life.

Another reason for cheating is lack of appreciation at home Cosmas says.  Again it is not just sexual appreciation.  It is proper appreciation.  Men love to be appreciated and they will stay with the people that appreciate them the most.

I know how we women resort to withholding our love and appreciation to punish them for showing signs of cheating, but what it does is push them further away from us.

One night stands are extremely common because of the thrill of it.  Men apparently become bored in the bedroom after years of marriage.

Have you noticed how men in their 50s want to date women in their 30s or even 20s?

It is because women then let themselves go and get comfortable in the fact that they are already getting old together that they can't be left.

When they then meet a younger woman, who goes to the gym, who reads and knows what men want, a woman who is suffering from poverty and desperation, the moment he meets one of those, you then become present history.

The worst part is that men this age are already established in their workplaces, in business and in churches that they don't divorce you.

They just live outside your house or anything to do with you.  You live not knowing anything about the man whose name you carry. That is the worst kind of cheating.  Cheating with no potential for divorce.

Men want women that are not shy in bed.  They want action in bed and dignity outside the bedroom only.

With age, and children and weight, women then become less and less confident of their beauty that they start to become embarrassed to parade their bodies.

Men then go and cheat because they miss seeing that from a woman.

It is little things that cause men to cheat and they are completely changeable.

I think it is safe to conclude that men are not cheaters by nature.  It is factors like peer pressure, lack of appreciation, and emotional neglect that can push a man to cheat.

The friendships with ex's is also another reason that causes cheating.  Women who become boring and shy in bed also push a man to have an independent life from them.

So women, this is for your information and you can sieve it and take what suits you and make sure that if your man was already cheating, you can get him back and if he wasn't, make sure it stays that way.

Next week we talk about the common reasons why women cheat.

Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto can be reached on tsungimachokoto@gmail.com