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We might have to leave the AU , Cdes

by CZ
09 Feb 2017 at 06:02hrs | Views
Dear Cabinet and Politburo members

COMRADES, I think by now most of you know that in my whole life, I have never been on the losing side. I don't know what losing is like, right from my childhood right to this day.

So I found myself in an awkward situation at the recent African Union (AU) 28th Ordinary Summit where the West successfully managed to bulldoze through a vote allowing Morocco to be re-admitted as a full member of the AU in blatant violation of the continental bloc's charter and founding principles.

Morocco was rightly forced to resign from the then Organisation of African Unity (OAU) in 1984 under severe criticism from progressive leaders such as the late Samora Machel, the late Mwalimu Julius Nyerere, Brother Kenneth Kaunda and other principled African leaders over its continued occupation of the Saharawi Arab Democratic Republic (Western Sahara).

Exactly 31 years later, knowing full well that most of the principled leaders are gone, the West, which is the primary beneficiary of the natural resources being plundered from Saharawi, managed to buy most of the AU's member States to vote for the re-admission of Morocco.

This is what has infuriated me. Surely, how could we be forced to sit and vote side-by-side with a country that is occupying another African country on behalf of western imperialists? This is an abomination of untold magnitude.

It is for that very reason that I have started consulting my peers in the region on the possibility of leaving the bloc en masse.

For nearly three decades, the same West - which is plundering the Saharawi through their proxy, Morocco — has refused to conduct a United Nations-sanctioned referendum to allow the people of the Saharawi to choose between self-determination and becoming part of Morocco.

Surely, we cannot remain part of an illegality like this. We just have to stand by our own principles… just like we did with our membership to the useless Commonwealth.

I know that there are some mischief-makers who have started drawing unbecoming parallels between the Saharawi-Morocco case and that of this criminal movement calling itself Mthwakazi. This a treasonous debate that, as a law-abiding citizen, I will not be drawn into. But the simple truth is that there are no similarities to draw between the two cases whatsoever … it is like comparing a jellyfish to a guitar!

Talking about history, Cde Report is now getting the cat out of the bag… telling all and sundry about Morgan's role during Gukurahundi! Don't the sages say those who live in glasshouses should never throw stones?

Let us leave it there… for now.

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely


CZ has made it very clear that he has no sympathies whatsoever for mobile phone networks… the soothing bloodsuckers that have been fleecing poor Zimbos left, right and centre with impunity for many years.

We are now being told that one of these companies, the one that most customers (especially the mobile data users) are always complaining bitterly about, is under investigation for possible tax-related crimes.

This is good. Very, very good! The Shona sages have a saying… zvaiwana gwarati kufura ivete!

As a patriot, Dr CZ would rather have his money wasted by an irresponsible government, than losing it to individuals.

You see, whether the allegations are true or false; in some cases those accused tend to deprive themselves of the benefit of doubt because of their atrocious track record.

Here we are talking about the very same people, who a few years ago, in 2008 were selling SIM cards for anything up to US$250. If that very same SIM card is now being sold for US$0,50, what good reason can one give for selling it for that much then when the lines were being sold in US$, not Zim dollar equivalent? And they call it a blessing? Is that how God blesses people? These people have always ripped off Zimbos, so when a bigger creature pounces on them, they cannot count on our precious sympathies!

Dr CZ has heard of some stories about some sisters that actually lost their v-rginity to some goons in exchange for these mobile phone lines - that was how precious these lines once became - how does one feel when they are now being given away for next to nothing?

Country arrest!
Some of Dr CZ's fans, who rely on him solely for facts, have been asking him to please tell them what charges the embattled Pastor Evan Mawarire was facing when he allegedly skipped the country and "fled" to the United States last year. They ask with sincerity if a private individual has to ask for permission from anyone to leave the country. Dr CZ had to educate them that there is something new in this country that is called being under country arrest (something equivalent to house arrest)… a situation where one has to know on their own that the owners of the country don't want them to go anywhere. This was the condition under which Mawarire was when he decided to "flee". We hope this explanation suffices!

Since the downgrading of Obert Mpofu to a rather obscure ministry that Dr CZ can't remember, we thought we could take a break from public officials who think their primary duty is to make life as hard as hell for the generality of Zimbos. We were dangerously wrong. Mpofu's job as a public killjoy (the opposite of public protector) has quickly been usurped with untold alacrity by Cde Dexter Nduna, the energetic Chegutu West Member of the House of Assembly.

The brother should be appointed Prime Minister of this country because he has a solution for each and every problem in this country… solutions that sadly start and end with further turning the screws on the hapless Zimbos.

Remember the brother calling for a cancer tax? Instead of demanding that the government upgrades the country's dangerously narrow and dilapidated roads, he wanted all trees along the Bulawayo-Victoria Falls road to be cut down.

Last year, he suggested that ministries should each be given a gold mine where the ministry workers would work to earn their upkeep.

Now he has another hare-brained idea… all cars should be inspected every year by the decrepit Vehicle Inspection Department for US$50 so that the cash-strapped government can pocket an extra several millions in addition to what it is already squeezing from the same motorists through traffic fines, layers of taxes and road user fees.

Sometimes one wonders who is such a killjoy like this one representing in Parliament. Maybe it is high time government created a position for fundraiser general!

One fan of Dr CZ suggested that before the vehicles are tested, the brother first gets tested himself because the devil in him makes Lucifer himself pinkish blue with envy.

The reason that Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma is giving to advance her possible candidature for the African National Congress presidency is so infantile. The reason — rather excuse — is simply that she is a woman! She is not giving South Africans any other excuse why they should entrust their future in her paws other than just that she is a woman. Being a woman will solve all South Africa's problems… that is the reasoning according to Dlamini-Zuma who, despite long being divorced, still clings to that last name like a Savannah tick, yet she believes that all she has achieved came about because she was a woman! Being a woman is not a strength, but a weakness, exactly the reason why many candidates have lost elections, and for her infantile self to think of using that weakness as her only excuse to want to gun for the top office in that country shows that she is not someone who should be taken even half seriously. It is for that excuse that she is going to lose and lose dismally… unless South Africans are silly as well and therefore looking for a false flower to decorate their public space.

Effective debt collection
This one came from one of Dr CZ's many Nigerian fans. Many who are struggling to collect their debts might need to try it:

I called a married lady who owed me money, but she didn't pick my calls. I called over 10 times and still no answer.

Knowing that her husband was not at home I sent her this message: "Hello Madam, I'm not calling for the money. I just wanted to tell you that some girls were fighting over your husband in town today. It was a big match and he just sat there watching. One of the girls managed to escape to his car and they drove off!" After a few minutes, she called, but I ignored the call.

She kept calling and after 21 missed calls she sent a message: "Where was the fight? Where did they go? Do you know the girls? Please tell me, I am falling apart!" I didn't respond. After another round of five unanswered calls she sent another message: "I have your money! Please can we meet, so you tell me more?" I replied, "Okay, but you need to MPesa (mobile money) me the money so that I can pass by a petrol station and refuel then pick you up and take you to the girl's house!" Two minutes later, I checked my account balance and my money had been paid in full! I switched off my phone now am sleeping like baby!


Source - fingaz
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