Capitalism joins Mugabe succession race

AS a Bishop who has been fed with a diet of Marxism, I really hate to say this, but it looks like capitalism really wants to decide who will be the country's next leader. This is sending a chill down my spine because every passing day, capitalism is throwing its fishing net into the country's politics. No political party is being spared, even the revolutionary party, Zanu-PF, with its roots in socialism.

But dear congregants, allow me to take a slight detour.

Before I get consumed by the ever-increasing threats of capitalism, let me preach a little to the big-headed Christopher Mutsvangwa and his unwise rogue war veterans.

I will round up this detour with a few words of advice to Morgan Tsvangirai. Very few words, then mharidzo yanhasi yochitanga.

You see, dear congregants, its high time that Mutsvangwa and his bunch of lunatics are put in their rightful places. Mutsvangwa and his puppets think they can hold this country to ransom and they think they can hold President Mugabe hostage.

These lunatics want to give the impression that they are the REAL war veterans and they speak as if they own the liberation struggle. Just like many out there, this Bishop is fed up. Really fed.

We have senior commanders from the liberation struggle like Cdes Elias Hondo, Jimmy Mangwende, Kenny Ridzayi, John Pedzisa, Norman Bethune, George Ruthanire, Joseph Khumalo, Kenneth Gwindingwi, Chemist Ncube, Shadreck Chipanga, Ignatius Dzvotsvotsvo, Pronica Mabhunu, Steria Dube, Sophia Ngazviitike, Letia Kagodo, Theresa Mbune, Susan Rutanhire, Dadirai Wafawanaka, Sarudzai Gomo among others who remain humble, but played a pivotal role during the liberation struggle.

Mutsvangwa and his little puppies have to respect these and many other comrades from the liberation struggle by making sure that they don't spew gibberish which tarnishes the image of all war veterans.

If these little puppies continue barking, it may be time to give the leadership of the war veterans to these humble commanders so that they lead by example. Izvi zvekuti tumbudzana tunoramba tuchingotunga mombe ini saBishop ndati kwete. To the powers that be, let's not appear as if tinotya Mutsvangwa and his lunatics.

I know some are going to say hehe, Bishop vanenge veG40, hehe Bishop havadi Lacoste. Well, let me say this boldly here — handivadi vese. Ndoda Mwari. Full stop!

Then uyuwo Morgan zvinenge zvakamubata mazuvano. A few days ago, Morgan said something to the effect that; "You will be safe under me." Morgan was trying to give assurance to President Mugabe and security chiefs that they would be safe under his rule. Unonyatsoona kuti munhu haasi kunzwa zvakanaka.

Instead of hallucinating, Morgan should know that the real question is: "Is Morgan safe going into the future?" True, there are some people who really love Morgan, but there are many who are really angry with the man. They whisper in the dark saying; "This man brought us all these troubles and if it wasn't for President Mugabe . . ."

What is unfortunate for Morgan is that those who love him are so insignificant in the scheme of political things yet those who are angry with him have the capacity to do anything they want with him. I mean anything. So the question going into the future is; "Is Morgan going to be safe?"

The answer may be found in history. Just check what happened to that sell-out Morris Nyathi after the attainment of independence.

I am not suggesting anything. Now back to today's sermon.

So the fast-fading Joice was in London a few days ago to address some meeting that had been organised by the London School of Economics and the United Nations to mark International Women's Day.

Capitalism has no mercy. It decided to expose Joice on a day when other women fighting for their rights. Joice plunged head-on into this blood-thirsty economic system.

Capitalism laughed. I hear capitalism is still laughing.

But where is capitalism coming in, you may ask? Well, capitalism is hovering over Zimbabwe at the moment and it's on a recruitment drive in a bid to make ensure that its point person takes over from President Mugabe whenever he decides leaves.

In 1999, capitalism thought it had stumbled upon its point person, Morgan.

Capitalism, represented by the Westminster Foundation founded and sponsored the MDC. This was despite the fact that Morgan was a product of trade unionism. Capitalism as usual had a plan as French economist, Thomas Piketty warns in his book entitled, "Capital in the Twenty-First Century" that capitalists enjoy a high degree of legitimacy today because they have found ways of co-opting thought leaders and the managerial class, as well as ways of keeping the labour class weak and divided.

So capitalism worked on Morgan and in no time the trade unionist dumped workers as he wined and dined with employers, who are agents of capitalism.

But despite putting on the capitalism jumpsuit, Morgan was not exactly a finished product and for a while capitalism employed the famous "massive hand-holding" in a bid to frog-march Morgan to their desired destination. But Morgan was always going to be Morgan.

The massive hand-holding failed to work and capitalism lost patience. For this reason Morgan will never rule this country. So ruthless is capitalism when it's angry such that Morgan akutoshaya mari yekutenga mapiritsi chaiwo.

After leaving Morgan struggling with cancer, capitalism is back on the lookout.

You see, capitalism is fed up influencing economic systems from a distance, it's fed up of being shy and now wants to make sure that its point people are fully in charge, like what it did in the US with Donald Trump.

That capitalist project in the US should be replicated across the world. In South Africa, capitalism almost succeeded in smuggling its own through Cyril Ramaphosa, but the ANC seems to have smelt the coffee.

When Joice was fired from Zanu-PF, capitalism got excited. It thought she was the right candidate kubaiwa jekiseni recapitalism.

Capitalism thought her war history could give her legitimacy and the fact that she is a woman could draw sympathy from the people.

That is the problem with capitalism — it can be so arrogant such that it forgets that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

And so capitalism invited Joice to London a few days ago for an assessment.

Joice went and didn't waste time in disappointing capitalism. Kwanzi Tsvangirai akange nani. Pana Joice massive hand-holding does not really work because ukangodaro chete she becomes a Queen Bee and allege kuti votoda kurara neni. Ask Dydmus Mutasa and Rugare Gumbo, they learnt the hard way.

Although she participated in the liberation struggle, Joice always proves that Iranian scholar, Amr Sabet was correct when he said ". . . in addition to political, as well as economic independence, there is the essential need for the independence of thought, of the mental, the psychological, and the spiritual; for the exorcising and liberating of souls."

After London, capitalism has lost appetite in Joice.

She doesn't have the arrogance, she doesn't have the courage, she doesn't have the confidence, she doesn't have the brains and she can't even speak English properly.

That's not the candidate capitalism is looking for.

Enter Econet founder, Strive Masiyiwa — this one is a capitalist already and there surely shouldn't be a problem. But we all know Strive.

While he is not exactly a weakling, he can't stand the rigours of national politics.

Just one visit from the invisible Big Brother is enough to scare him. He looks like the type of a capitalist who should remain as an agent. Panyanga kwete. Let's not waste each other's time.

Like I said, capitalism is hunting even in Zanu-PF.

The options outside Zanu-PF keep dwindling and keep disappointing. It actually looks like capitalism's only option is in Zanu-PF. Who in Zanu-PF can be a better capitalist?

Who in Zanu-PF really understands what capitalism wants? Chimucapitalist chisinei nevanhu so? Chinoti vanhu vakataura hachinei navo?

I didn't mention anyone's name saka musazoti hehe Bishop Lazarus chose nhingi or nhingi. I am just preaching to you that capitalism is on the rampage. Even nesuwo vanhu vamwari nyaya yacho iri kutotitenderedza musoro. One Christian brother recently wrote:

"Which choice then should I make, as a Christian, make in the selection between capitalism and socialism?

Capitalism is quite simply the most moral system, the most effective system, and the most equitable system of economic exchange.

When capitalism, the system of free economic exchange is described fairly, there can be no question that it, rather than socialism or interventionism, comes closer to matching the demands of the biblical ethic."

Vanhu vaMwari munoona kwasvika nyaya yacho.

Bishop is out!