I am used to these threats, Cdes

Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, at the weekend I had to reveal some details about some uncouth attempts made by some desperate members of this party to ascend to the zenith of the party and government.I understand that it is perfectly normal for any politician to want to rise to the next level - in fact, rising to the top-most position in any political set-up can rightly be regarded as the sine qua non of any politician worth their salt. The means that some of our colleagues try to use to achieve this end however, leaves quite a lot to be desired.

First and foremost for one to be a leader, you need to be accepted by the people … history is littered with colourful names of lots of leaders who have tried to foist themselves on the people… usually with disastrous consequences. That is what happens when those that you purport to lead have not accepted you whole and raw as their leader.

Those of us who have been in politics for a very long time have seen it all… right from the days of the Caretaker Council, right to the National Democratic Party, to ZAPU, right to the old ZANU, up to the present day ZANU-PF. We have seen people with vaulting ambitions tossing foolishly themselves over the cliff in broad daylight.

There were those people like the late Ndabaningi Sithole, who were very good at speechifying but not at all committed to the struggle, and the people realised their mistake and threw them out of the window, those like the late Abel Muzorewa who were opportunists, who were also allowed time to dream, before being shown the exit too.

Then there was a crop made up of the likes of this Rugare Gumbo who thought that a mere Masters degree automatically qualifies one to lead a country. They ended up in pit prisons!

Then some misguided youths, the likes of Dzinashe Machingura and others in their Vashandi project who thought their brief military successes entitled them to political power, but when the time came, they also later fell by the wayside. Others continued even after independence.

Some have even tried to collude with the country's enemies. All this has happened because some people have the folly of looking at themselves in the mirror and saw themselves as leaders of this country!

Then there were those who sought to get the so-called African science to help them do away with those who posed even the remotest threat to their political prospects… there were many of them, some of them even coming from Chipinge, the feared home of juju.

I know some who even tried to befriend the late Hastings Kamuzu Banda who was reputed to be a past master in this area. But because these people did not seek God's help in their endeavours, all came to nothing.

So it is not surprising that some people have been spending lots of their time with n'angas, especially those that we have favoured with some senior positions either in government or in the party, positions that they foolishly started seeing as giving them an edge over others.

Anyway as they say, dreaming is a human right granted to man at the beginning of time. Let them dream on and on!

Kindest Regards
Yours Sincerely
ME

… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK

Confirmed!
"Zimbabwe was a thoroughly baffling place for any outsider. As I covered one disaster after another, I often found it impossible to make sense of events and fell into believing this was a country where people simply behaved inexplicably. That was the way of things."

I found these lines in Degrees in Violence, one uncharitable book by David Blair, one of those pesky British journalists who are thankfully banned from this country.

When Dr CZ is thoroughly bored, he resorts to reading some unpatriotic literature, even though there is nothing particularly unpatriotic about his actions. Dr CZ agrees with the author's assessment of Zimbos and their country. For time with no number, Dr CZ has been saying over, over, over and over… that we are just a country (and a people) and a half.

Really?
Recently, a Catholic priest purportedly died and was resuscitated some 48 minutes later (when he had already arrived in Heaven), and he brought to the living some news that many found to be shocking. In fact some misogynists were actually horrified by the good priest's feedback that God is actually a woman. So dead serious is this particular priest he has already started worshipping in the name of the "Mother, the Son and the Holy Spirit".

Since the "news" came, the same rude misogynists think they have found a blanket explanation to everything about life… especially the mystery why life can be so, so hard on this side of the mortal curtain. Because of the woman above! Please do not quote the ever God-fearing Dr CZ on this one.

Sad
There were two reports this week. One about a Chitungwiza wife who stabbed her husband to death after stumbling upon some sexy text messages in his phone.

Then another, this one possibly apocryphal, about a woman who castrated her husband as punishment for infidelity.

All this is remindful to Dr CZ of this joke that some of his fans once shared with him:

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between these two words, finished and complete.

Some would argue that there is no difference at all. But note that if a man marries the right woman he is complete. If he marries the wrong woman he is finished. If the right woman catches him with a wrong woman he is completely finished!

If the right woman loves shopping then the man is finished completely.

But then what does not complete you finishes you completely.

cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk