Lifestyle / Relationships
Living together during a divorce - What you should know
23 Aug 2019 at 09:40hrs | Views
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Living together during or after a divorce might sound really strange, you might even think that that could be the worst idea ever! You got divorced for a reason, right?
But you would be surprised that this type of scenario is on the rise. Many couples try to live together during a divorce for various reasons. Financially, it might make sense. Because you can still share expenses such as rent, or mortgage. According to Completecase, one of the main reasons why some divorcees decided to live together through during a divorce, is to co-parent their children. Could living together during or after a divorce be for you? Here's what you should know.
Firstly, how is it possible to live together during a divorce?
The answer is yes! It is possible to live together during a divorce or even after a divorce. When you are divorced you are viewed as a single person, so nothing is stopping you from living together if you want to. Many couples who feel that they are "just friends" can often end up living together and making the living arrangements work. Living together during divorce can also save you quite a bit of money. For example, you wouldn't have to get movers in or rent or buy a new home.
Nesting
Nesting is a term used for divorced parents who choose to live together to make things easier on their children. You could still decide to do this whilst going through a divorce, even if it's just for the time being. There have been many families who have seen the harsh realities that their divorce has had on their kids, and they have chosen to live together so that their children can have some sense of normalcy. These kids always know that mom and dad are close by if need be. This has helped shelter many children from the damaging psychological effects of divorce. When couples live together after a divorce, it helps children have a sense of comfort. Another thing that divorced couples have found helpful is that if they do live together during a divorce, their children maintain a relationship with both parents. Rather than having one parent suddenly ripped away from them. Often children of divorced parents end up losing touch with one parent, who usually happens to be the father. Your children will also not have to move or visit your ex every other weekend, as you will all be living together under one roof. This type of scenario, also helps children see that even if people don't agree, they can still be civilized and make things work.
Even if you are besties, tensions can still arise.
Obviously, living together during or after a divorce is not for everyone. You might think of nothing worse. But this has worked for many ex-couples. You might wonder how they have managed to make such a strange situation work and the answer is interesting.
Firstly, a lot of these couples initially used a mediator to help them come to terms and agreements with their divorce. Mediation can help to solve a lot of disagreements. When you first get a divorce, tensions are high. You might need some time to cool off or figure a way around the hurt. What has kept divorcees positive though, was by focusing on what's best for their children. This could take some time. It doesn't just happen overnight, but if exes can keep their children in mind at all times, this can help when tensions arise. Many of these ex-couples try their utmost to not argue. Often times, they seem to be working harder after their marriage than they did before.
If you are still arguing constantly though, even after trying to live together, it would be better to split. If children see their parents constantly fighting, then this is actually worse for them psychologically. Especially if violence is involved.
Some couples though are just great friends. Sometimes they end things just because they lost their spark, but still love being around one another. If this is the case, then living together during a divorce could really be simple.
If children aren't involved, many couples view their ex as a roommate, who shares bills, chores and so forth. They might buy their own food and necessities but they basically live their own separate lives. When it comes to dating, again, living together as exes might also be a good idea, in the sense that it stops you from just bringing anyone into your life and your children's life. You might be concerned about your ex's feelings as well as your children, and this could help you to be pickier when it comes to choosing someone new to share your life with. Or if you are still in the process of getting a divorce, rather wait until you bring any new flames home, as this could cause huge tensions in the household.
Keep your lives separate and create boundaries
If you do decide to live together and your home is big enough, each ex could get their own room and bathroom, you can both decide on which boundaries you want. You could also decide on who gets to use the kitchen to make meals at what time, and who does laundry on which days. You could also make a cleaning schedule and each roommate could have a turn to clean the house on a certain day. You can decide how you want to divide the house and keep it at that. Try your best though, to keep everything on neutral ground so that you can avoid disagreements.
Another thing you could struggle with is taking care of your ex as you did before. Try not to do this. You are now single (or almost single) and you need to become independent from your ex even though you are still living together. Remember to care only for yourself and your children. If you start to interfere in one another's lives, you could end up arguing all over again, as if you were still married. So as much as you can separate your life completely from your ex-spouse.
What else could go wrong?
There are a few other things that could go wrong. Perhaps your ex might still hold out hope that the two of you could reconcile and make things work eventually. Living together could also confuse your children and delay the grieving process. When it comes to deciding to live together after or during a divorce, you need to think about all these case scenarios. You and your ex need to be honest with yourselves as to what you expect and how you will feel with regards to issues that might crop up whilst living together. Some states could also view you as having a common law marriage if you live together after your divorce. So you will need to just have a look at the laws of your state. You will know what is best for you and your children and whether you and your ex can live together.
On a final note
With whatever you choose, you will know what you can handle and what is best for you and your children. If living together during a divorce solves financial burdens, or helps your children transition easier into a single-parent family, then go for it! It doesn't have to be forever. Even if you stay together for a year or two, that's okay. You do what's best for you. Many ex-couples have made, a seemingly impossible feat, work for them.
But you would be surprised that this type of scenario is on the rise. Many couples try to live together during a divorce for various reasons. Financially, it might make sense. Because you can still share expenses such as rent, or mortgage. According to Completecase, one of the main reasons why some divorcees decided to live together through during a divorce, is to co-parent their children. Could living together during or after a divorce be for you? Here's what you should know.
Firstly, how is it possible to live together during a divorce?
The answer is yes! It is possible to live together during a divorce or even after a divorce. When you are divorced you are viewed as a single person, so nothing is stopping you from living together if you want to. Many couples who feel that they are "just friends" can often end up living together and making the living arrangements work. Living together during divorce can also save you quite a bit of money. For example, you wouldn't have to get movers in or rent or buy a new home.
Nesting
Nesting is a term used for divorced parents who choose to live together to make things easier on their children. You could still decide to do this whilst going through a divorce, even if it's just for the time being. There have been many families who have seen the harsh realities that their divorce has had on their kids, and they have chosen to live together so that their children can have some sense of normalcy. These kids always know that mom and dad are close by if need be. This has helped shelter many children from the damaging psychological effects of divorce. When couples live together after a divorce, it helps children have a sense of comfort. Another thing that divorced couples have found helpful is that if they do live together during a divorce, their children maintain a relationship with both parents. Rather than having one parent suddenly ripped away from them. Often children of divorced parents end up losing touch with one parent, who usually happens to be the father. Your children will also not have to move or visit your ex every other weekend, as you will all be living together under one roof. This type of scenario, also helps children see that even if people don't agree, they can still be civilized and make things work.
Even if you are besties, tensions can still arise.
Obviously, living together during or after a divorce is not for everyone. You might think of nothing worse. But this has worked for many ex-couples. You might wonder how they have managed to make such a strange situation work and the answer is interesting.
Firstly, a lot of these couples initially used a mediator to help them come to terms and agreements with their divorce. Mediation can help to solve a lot of disagreements. When you first get a divorce, tensions are high. You might need some time to cool off or figure a way around the hurt. What has kept divorcees positive though, was by focusing on what's best for their children. This could take some time. It doesn't just happen overnight, but if exes can keep their children in mind at all times, this can help when tensions arise. Many of these ex-couples try their utmost to not argue. Often times, they seem to be working harder after their marriage than they did before.
Some couples though are just great friends. Sometimes they end things just because they lost their spark, but still love being around one another. If this is the case, then living together during a divorce could really be simple.
If children aren't involved, many couples view their ex as a roommate, who shares bills, chores and so forth. They might buy their own food and necessities but they basically live their own separate lives. When it comes to dating, again, living together as exes might also be a good idea, in the sense that it stops you from just bringing anyone into your life and your children's life. You might be concerned about your ex's feelings as well as your children, and this could help you to be pickier when it comes to choosing someone new to share your life with. Or if you are still in the process of getting a divorce, rather wait until you bring any new flames home, as this could cause huge tensions in the household.
Keep your lives separate and create boundaries
If you do decide to live together and your home is big enough, each ex could get their own room and bathroom, you can both decide on which boundaries you want. You could also decide on who gets to use the kitchen to make meals at what time, and who does laundry on which days. You could also make a cleaning schedule and each roommate could have a turn to clean the house on a certain day. You can decide how you want to divide the house and keep it at that. Try your best though, to keep everything on neutral ground so that you can avoid disagreements.
Another thing you could struggle with is taking care of your ex as you did before. Try not to do this. You are now single (or almost single) and you need to become independent from your ex even though you are still living together. Remember to care only for yourself and your children. If you start to interfere in one another's lives, you could end up arguing all over again, as if you were still married. So as much as you can separate your life completely from your ex-spouse.
What else could go wrong?
There are a few other things that could go wrong. Perhaps your ex might still hold out hope that the two of you could reconcile and make things work eventually. Living together could also confuse your children and delay the grieving process. When it comes to deciding to live together after or during a divorce, you need to think about all these case scenarios. You and your ex need to be honest with yourselves as to what you expect and how you will feel with regards to issues that might crop up whilst living together. Some states could also view you as having a common law marriage if you live together after your divorce. So you will need to just have a look at the laws of your state. You will know what is best for you and your children and whether you and your ex can live together.
On a final note
With whatever you choose, you will know what you can handle and what is best for you and your children. If living together during a divorce solves financial burdens, or helps your children transition easier into a single-parent family, then go for it! It doesn't have to be forever. Even if you stay together for a year or two, that's okay. You do what's best for you. Many ex-couples have made, a seemingly impossible feat, work for them.
Source - Byo24News
