Grace Mugabe: The mother, wife, leader

Like most today's mothers juggling the act of bringing up children in a maze of dizzying modernity, whirlwind technological advancements, illegal substances and intoxicating influences both global and local; and in her case, doing this in the lap of plenty and privilege; former first lady Grace Mugabe found she was often on the losing end of the parenting war.

Discipline remained elusive where her two sons were concerned.

And because they were in the limelight as the first family, her challenges in managing her sons' wayward behaviours attracted fish bowl attention, which obviously didn't make it any easier.

She was often reported dashing to one part of the globe or another to douse some behavioural fires one or both of her boys had lit. Unfortunately, she wasn't always exemplary when fighting for her cubs. Like in the instance when she violently and virulently attacked a young lady, one Miss Engels, in South Africa whom she had found in the boys' room when she went to visit them.

The ugly scene visited a court case upon her. She was saved in the nick of time by diplomatic immunity that covered her as wife of a president.

As a wife, while she is fingered as one dark shadow that tainted her husband's legacy, there had to be some pluses she brought to her husband, however obscured they became by her acerbic tongue which she brandished sharp as a razor to grown men and women alike she perceived to be at odds with hers and her husband's interests.

As a wife to the former president, she provided spousal companionship and support to her aging husband whose health has been deteriorating for the last decade or so. In latter years, she publicly offered physical support to his failing sense of balance, travelled with him as a constant companion to the majority of his globetrotting missions. She may also have provided an ear and shoulder to cry on, as well as advice and wifely counsel.

She stood by her husband and fought his enemies, perceived and real, tooth and nail. So determined was she to defend his leadership and prolong his rule — and in the process perch herself at the apex of party and country — that she used her time on the political arena to publicly dress-down "offenders" and "challengers" to the throne. Like a tiger she was fierce, voracious and relentless in her fights which increased by the day.

Although, no doubt, she saw her attacks on her husband's colleagues, subordinates and opponents as righteous indignation in defence of his and her interests, it was these diatribes —which exhibited disrespect, disdain and utmost arrogance and insensitivity — that hurt her reputation the most.

With it, her husband's legacy was severely wounded. As specimens of top grade vile, the public venomous beratings of fellow party members, husband's associates, comrades and subordinates, not only displayed her utter lack of decorum, but they also garnered her a lot of enemies. With each opening of her mouth, each public address, she added an enemy or throngs of them, with such frequency and persistence that she became, quite literary, a public enemy of sorts.

Her lack of decorum also offended the conservatives and custodians of the African culture which extols the virtue of a humble, softly spoken woman as a paragon of admirable womanhood. Being none of that, her behaviour was starkly at odds with expectations, demands and values of an African wife and mother.

What was also crystal clear was her lack of appreciation of the dignity, awe and reverence of her station as a first lady. With behaviour detailed above, as well as her inappropriately flirty conduct, she was unable to cultivate the gravitas that comes with being a first lady.

She demeaned that station and reduced any arena and platform extended to her by littering it with rumours and petty allegations she had picked up in the grapevine, entertained unbefittingly small talk and hollow addresses full of sound and fury but often devoid of sense and sensibility.
She had numerous opportunities and platforms to prove herself and make positive difference to people, communities and indeed her husband's legacy.

She could have used all those rallies, interfaces and other official occasions she had at her disposal to articulate her appreciation and commitment to solving people's challenges and poverty and proffer solutions, hope and encouragement tackling grave bread and butter concerns. Instead, she used them as launchpads for missiles and daggas to "enemies" and with each poisoned word twisted the sunken daggas this way and that to draw the most "blood' for maximum damage.

As a leader, she did attempt to work hard for her constituencies and as a naturally industrious person, did not rest on her laurels, but by and large her understanding of her terms of reference as women's league secretary left a lot to be desired.

Often she would overstep her bounds and carelessly usurp executive powers which were not hers to use and discharge. She wrecklessly and cluelessly conflated party, family and government, much to the chagrin of non-party supporters.

As a leader, she also lacked discretion. Matters she could have discussed in private tête-à-têtes with colleagues and associates, she brought to the public arena. She aired them out to dry in front of thousands of non-concerned audiences. She made these unassuming audiences party to business which had nothing to do with them at the expense of addressing those audiences' real concerns.

But by and large, the worst flaw that worked against her was her zero emotional intelligence (EI). EI was sorely missing in one so high up the perking order. Defined as the capability of individuals to identify and manage their own emotions and the emotions of others, EI is a valued and critical quality in effective and transformative leaders. EI generally includes three skills:

emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and anticipating and appreciating those of others.

It was the absence of this characteristic in Mai Mugabe that perpetrated the most damage to her and became her greatest downfall. She had absolutely no inkling of how much damage her behaviour and conduct was inflicting on others, on her image as a person and first lady and most unfortunately, on her husband as a first citizen and statesman of note.

She clearly had no idea the amount and gravity of ill-feelings she was generating with her diatribes, or if she was fleetingly aware at all, she didn't care how damaging the effect of this was. "Ndinonzi mafirakureva inini [My frank talk will be the death of me]," she would naively boast. In the end, this cost her.

She certainly would have done herself — and her husband — a favour had she avoided the public arena and had held no political office. Within the confines of private life, her lack and flaws would not have been for all to feast upon. Neither would they have been publicly brought to bear against her and her husband.

lFor feedback: Twitter: @magsmzumara or Email: maimzumara@yahoo.com