This and that with Mal'phosa - Proud to be black

What is the connection between the following terms; ilahle, Lobengula, nswintila, gutsi? These have been used to define the darkest blacks in our societies. These are terms also used to insult those perceived to be blacker than black, abamnyama tshu or bhuqa! I guess it all comes from the fact that being black has been used as a horrendous offense by amakhiwa ever since these two races set eyes on each other. Who can forget the contemptuous snort, 'Ungangikhangeli!' 'Awukhangelwa ulikhiwa?'

This is how our for-fathers were socialized – that ikhiwa alikhangelwa ngumuntu omnyama. And we have emulated them at insulting our own black comrades whom we perceive as blacker that us. We have heard stories of South African Police arresting their 'darker than dark' countrymen for being 'too black to be South African'. And we have also joked about these people as not black but navy or grey. This means they have gone beyond the 'normal' black and encroached onto 'worse', neighbouring colours.
        
There was a girl we used to call Khwezi at school. She was definitely the last or best shade of black and had blood-shot eyes. Her siblings did not disappoint too; together, they made their home look like a pleasant sterling's nest! Other metaphors have been used too – to disparage and draw a clearer picture of the blackness one is talking about. I have heard people call others ublaki – idonki leyana elamakhala amnyama; insingizi - the Ground Hornbill; igutsi – the Goods train; indodemnyama, or indodengaziwa or umdak'omnyama. But, my fellow men, if we define ourselves in terms of colour, and then those who are chided for meeting this criterion must surely walk tall. Ngimnyama ngoba vele ngingumuntu omnyama. Many, once chided this way, either cringe or answer back; 'Wen' obomv' uyadliwa?' For many, being black is an abuse they cannot stomach – understandably so because of all things associated with the colour black. Think of black book, black head, the colour of inzilo, the black-ball in a pool game, which must be sunk by or with a white ball; the colour worn by the devil's advocate or his angels. The colour black has been so scandalized that even those who are neither black nor white will gladly fall into the white category – njenga makhaladi and amandiya. These are just brown humans who simply wish they were white.

I remember at primary school we had in our class a brother and sister whom we called Chaminuka and Nsingizi respectively. So, in one school, we had Nsingizi, Khwezi, Chaminuka, Gutsi and Nswintila. Nswintila had decided to live up to her name. She would pinch you until you were red like a beetroot if ever you called her that. Nsingizi spoke with a stutter- mhh mhh mhh and a lisp. And she walked slowly as if inspecting the ground for what she could peck at. When we went to the sports field, she would remain behind to go through our bags and repossess umphako wethu.  'Mmh, mmh, mmh', she explained one day when the teacher found her in the act. And listening to her, one would say yes, the name fitted her very well.

The male sibling, Chaminuka, was one kind who never seemed to care when you called him black, he would just smile at you and continue with his business. He inherited the name from the original himself. We had just read about Chaminuka's amazing medical antics in a history textbook. Looking around the class, the teacher realized Chaminuka was frisking instead of reading. 'Wena Chaminuka! The teacher shouted. Chaminuka was destined to be a good sports-man if wayengelewala. You know the kind that is so forward it annoys even the teacher or the trainer?

This is one boy I know who had the same enthusiasm for everything he did. He would have made the original very proud! He had many tricks, like faking illness if cornered by a demanding situation, or whispering to anyone who cared that so-and-so was his girl friend and they were getting married soon. During a soccer practice session one afternoon, I called him Chaminuka. He pretended he had not heard a thing. After the game he confronted me and the teacher intervened. But he was not done. He followed me on the way home. The bigger boys moulded izitshwala, or amabbele, and it was game on. Instead of gently dispersing the mound of sand in front of me with his foot, he quickly scooped it with both hands and hurled it into my eyes. I was totally blinded for a long moment while he feasted on any exposed part of my body with clenched fists, bare cracked dusty feet and his shaven ugly round head! Everyone cheered as I lay on the hot soil bleeding as profusely as any teenager would. That is how he stopped the abuse. But, as children, we thought the name fitted him too because he was smelly – and the nuka bit of the name came in handy. And he had another annoying mannerism – sniffing the air like a horny he-goat. Incidentally, he grew up to be a medicine man himself, just like his name-sake.    
 
Then there was the fat one whom everyone called Lobengula. He was shiny black and his body was always covered in sweat. In civilian clothes, he looked like an oversized headmaster – big, black and old. Everyone wanted to run in the same race as him for obvious reasons. We all like saluting him, 'Bayethe!' every time he went by. And when a neighbour gave birth to a big, black little brat, his uncle was quick to say, 'Yeyi madoda, ngu Lobengula!'

Now, I guess the black-consciousness movements around the world were all about accepting who we are. We must not disappoint; people must not call us black for nothing. Like what happens ngamakhiwa. We all know there is nothing white about them. They are just lying to themselves. They want to be called white because of all the good and godly things allegedly associated to the colour. We are blessed with the best athletes, leaders, sweepers, farmers and miners in the world – but we remain poor. We light up stages in our chosen fields to the joy but not appreciation of the Whiteman. Singaphel'umoya; this should encourage us to rise, shine and reach for the sky. Those colourless ones who associate more with whites get preferential treatment and are shown indlela eya ebucwebeni bezwe. But I know many who will never sell their skin colour for all the riches in the world – African originals like me, as the Amarula advert would say. To Whites and their neutrals, nothing will ever come from the black-man except, of course, conspiracy and dishonesty! They don't want to reward our honest sweat because they think we want to reap where we never sowed.  To them, the whiter the luckier and the blacker the more evil! And some of us are proving the white man right by our debauchery – especially some of our leaders, who should be leading by example. We are watching.
Ngiyabonga mina!