Mujuru is the new Humpty Dumpty

Joice Mujuru, the Zanu-PF reject which formed Zimbabwe People First with birds of the same rejected feather such as Rugare Gumbo and Didymus Mutasa is holding countrywide rallies ahead of the party's inaugural congress.

She is announcing her entry into the political fray as an opposition player. To give the devil his due, this is way better than those stale statements that we were getting used to, which were penned under her name - or the pontifications of the likes of Gumbo on her behalf.

Last week she held a rally in Bulawayo.

She is expected to hold another in Harare.

She is surely primed for the road and we are likely to see more of her in the coming days leading to the congress and formalisation of the party.

If the beginning is what defines the rest of the journey — or journey with Joice Mujuru — she who may aspire to lead the country.

It is bound to be interesting.

Typically, we lay our cards on the table: Mujuru is going to be the new Humpty Dumpty of Zimbabwe's politics.

That is, the other Humpty Dumpty, Morgan Tsvangirai is wasting away and is likely not to be a factor in any long period to come.

So, let us watch Mujuru ever so closely — this incoming Humpty Dumpty, a clumsy figure that will in the fullness of time come crashing down, irrevocably.

Trying too hard, too early

A few days ago we were surprised, or rather amused when Gift Nyandoro, one of the many spokespersons in PF who claim to speak on behalf of the former vice President (others are Jealousy Mawarire and the two old gits Gumbo and Mutasa), referred to Mujuru as "Mother Zimbabwe".

You could not resist a chuckle.

Not only does the title seem odd, it does not even sit remotely well on a woman who is known for her cruelty and greed.

Her province of Mashonaland Central knows pretty well her meanness, she who did not even develop a school or road or harness the potential of her area but left the party filthy rich while the people she was supposed to serve since 1980 wallow in poverty.

She is also not remarkable for uplifting the general feminine kind in the country — and in fact once fell foul of women's organisations she was supposed to befriend and serve at some point she was the Gender Minister.

It will also be recalled that there have been unhappy stories about her shenanigans during the liberation war where she would allegedly facilitate the abuse of girls in the guerrilla camps.

But a few days ago, her spokesperson in an attempt to respond to the self evident truths raised by those who know her better from her days in zanu-pf, surprised us all.

He said: "On all the occasions of the attacks on 'Mother Zimbabwe' they were never provoked nor did she reply in the hope that they would keep quiet. This she did as a sign of decency and reasonableness, but (Chris) Mutsvangwa and others continue to be reckless canons. They should just leave Mujuru alone so that she can peacefully deliver Zimbabwe to the promised land of Canaan."

Mutsvangwa is the man who two years ago helped the nation and history at large by pointing out that Mujuru lived a lie of having downed a chopper.

He also pointed out how she is an unremarkable woman of the simpleton kind.

So many others have volunteered information about Mujuru which truly and well divest her of any halo that myth-making may have clothed her in.

And, obviously, in giving us Mujuru as "Mother Zimbabwe" her spokesman is trying too hard, too early and rather too ridiculous.

Of course he has to sing for his supper.

But who would believe that Mujuru can deliver anyone to Canaan? That is ironic, in fact.

With all the suffering that comes with a journey to Canaan, Mujuru is likely to eat all the manna and all the quails that descend from heaven.

She is known to be that greedy.

Setting up on the wall
But Nyandoro and his ilk of Mujuru cheerleaders are setting Mujuru on a high wall whence she will fall and break into pieces like the proverbial Humpty Dumpty.

We found an interesting analysis on her Bulawayo rally where she gave strong signals that she will be a disaster.

She tried to use the tribal card.

She patronised the people of Matabeleland.

She unconvincingly tried to wriggle from her insult to the late Father Zimbabwe, Umdala Wethu Joshua Nkomo whom she once described in some unpalatable terms which we dare not repeat here.

The analyst noted that Mujuru called herself "MaNdlovu", "so as to be politically accepted in Bulawayo".

Said the analyst: "It is surprising how Mujuru who aspires to be President talked about tribal divisions within her party. Instead of uniting the people from all the provinces to work together in trying to develop the nation, Mujuru was using a language that sows division across the nation rather than bringing them together. "Mujuru was reportedly quoted saying, 'Hakuna anobva kwangu kumaShona uko to come and plan a developmental programme in Lupane when you are here'."

The analyst said "Mujuru should be reminded that tribal hostility will never build Zimbabwe".

And on the issue of denigrating Umdala Wethu the analyst questioned why Mujuru had been bound to apologise for sentiments that she çlaimed she never mentioned.

"And why is she trying to clarify the issue now? Where was she all along? Is it because she is seeking sympathy from the people of Bulawayo?"

More gaffes are sure on the way. Mujuru is a disaster waiting to happen.

All we can do is sit and watch and see as she climbs on her high Humpty Dumpty wall.