The mischief has started again, Cdes

CABINET FILES AND CZ's NOTEBOOK

Dear Cabinet and
Politburo members

COMRADES, as you are all aware, I have been out of the country since last week as I had to attend this important United Nations Third World Summit on Disaster Risk Reduction here in Japan. My detractors claimed that I was going for medical treatment or check-up for three weeks, blah, blah. The truth of the matter is that I am enjoying perfect health.There are some very strange developments that I have observed with curiosity.

Just as I was preparing for the trip - which I am attending in my three-in-one capacity as the President of Zimbabwe, the chairman of the Southern African Development Community (SADC) as well as the chairman of the African Union (AU) - some little-known opposition activist was purported to have been abducted by unknown people.

This then set in motion a flurry of activities, among them some demonstrations at the Harare headquarters of the opposition -which our able police  thankfully managed - and some court cases ordering our ever-busy security officials to stop whatever they are doing to search for the purportedly missing miscreant.

The community of so-called civil society organisations - which are in fact foot soldiers of the opposition-which has been lying low since losing the last election vicariously, suddenly sprung to life and started making some noises. He-eh this and that, he-eh this and that!

In the meantime, prisoners at Chikurubi, for the first time ever, tried to break out of jail causing massive pandemonium that left scores dead. As if this was not enough, I am told that this week, those urchins at the University of Zimbabwe had joined the madness as well.

All this has been happening at a time when Morgan is in Washington to brief his handlers "on the deteriorating situation in Zimbabwe" and in the process convince them to release some more money for his regime change project that has made him enjoy the most comfortable life over the years.

From what I can see, all these things are not just staged, but well-coordinated as well, in order to lend credence to his outlandish stories about the situation in Zimbabwe. It is not the first time the shameless fellow has done this. In fact, it has always been the norm for him to start something ahead of some important international events or when he is going on his so-called diplomatic offensives. All this he does to try and draw attention to his increasingly irrelevant self.

I am told the same Morgan wrote a series of letters to myself both as the chairman of SADC and the AU cataloguing the imaginary problems facing Zimbabwe, which he copied to several African leaders as well. At least he should be seen doing something. But as far as I know, the only serious problems the country is facing are the illegal sanctions imposed by his handlers to punish us for conducting a very successful land reform programme… all our problems stem from this illegal and unilateral move by Western imperialists.

It is only that the West is very desperate - especially when they see us concluding one mega deal after another with oriental powers - for them to see the reality on the ground… that in Morgan they are throwing money into a bottomless pit, as the fellow is so hopeless.

Anyway, it is their cash and who are we to tell them how to waste it?

But the truth of the matter is that nothing will ever change here for as long as the people are solidly behind their great revolutionary party.

We are thankful for Morgan for making more seats available to us this week. We will be taking them up shortly.

Meanwhile, I am told the mad man called Didymus is continuing with his gimmicks in the courts. All we can do is to be magnanimous and wish him all the best!

The fact that people like Didymus and his nephew can have their case - despite it being painfully frivolous - being heard in a court of law is ample evidence enough that indeed there is rule of law in Zimbabwe.

Kindest Regards

Yours Sincerely
ME

… AND NOW TO THE NOTEBOOK

Sad
There is a saying that when brothers fight each other to death, a stranger inherits their father's estate. This is true in the case of the feral fights that have been going on for some time between the two sides of the MDC party.

This week the Speaker of Parliament, Jacob Mudenda, ruled that the 21 legislators who are aligned to Tendai Biti and his MDC Renewal Team are no longer fit to continue as lawmakers because they are no longer members of the MDC-T party under which they were voted. Dr CZ does not know how the Speaker, a lawyer himself, arrived at this decision, but the truth of the matter here is that ZANU-PF has emerged as the biggest winner from this madness.

Both sides of the MDC have made it very clear that they will not be contesting in by-elections because the playing field is not level, so what this means is that all that is left is for ZANU-PF to go ahead and pick this precious gift.

This is sadly what happens when people who have nothing in common come together. There was nothing in common between Tsvangirai, Welshman Ncube, Nelson Chamisa, Tendai Biti, Roy Bennett, David Coltart, Paurina Mupariwa et al when they came together to form the MDC party. The only nexus that brought them together was their shared hatred for President Robert Mugabe and ZANU-PF and over time it has proven that their own hate for each other is even stronger than that they have towards President Mugabe and his party, hence this helpless disintegration.

The opposition players have only shown how good they are at practising grudge politics and nothing more. And this only goes to expose them for exactly what they are, opportunists who are seeking to replace the current regime for the sake of replacing it, not because they would want to make the lives of Zimbabweans better.

This is exactly the reason why Dr CZ find Zimbabwean politics selfish, primitive and time-wasting… people are in politics first and foremost to serve themselves.

Almost halfway through their term, the legislators are busy at each other's throats, leaving little or no time to attending to real issues that enhance the lives of the ordinary voter who put them there.

Well, let us see.
In the meantime poor Zimbos should get used to the new disorder of things.

What?!
Dr CZ read this somewhere. "Chief Gwenzi of Chipinge fined five cows, one of the people fingered by the traditional chibutwa ritual as the cause of the poor rainfall in Chipinge.

"The locals believe that people can use witchcraft to have poor  rains, so they carry out rituals called chibutwa to expose the culprits."

All we can do is hope that this is not true because it cannot be allowed to happen in any civilised society.

Otherwise those not-so-handsome people like Dr CZ and the old would always be in trouble.

In the meantime we notice that witch-hunting by tsikamutandas are going on in the Gokwe area with the full blessings of the area's legislator, Cde Justice Wadyajena (pictured). Maybe the youthful legislator is not yet aware that extortion is a very serious offence in this country… and ignorance of the law is still not yet a valid defence.

Sweet lucre
This one came from a Dr CZ fan: Money has different names. In church it's called an offering. In school or college it is called fees. In marriage it is called dowry or lobola. In divorce it turns out to be alimony. When you owe someone it is a debt. When you pay the government it becomes tax. In courts it is a fine. Civil servant retirees get a pension. Boss pays workers a salary. Master giving it to their subordinates it becomes wages. When you borrow from a bank it becomes a loan. When you offer it after a good service it becomes a tip. When paying kidnappers it is a ransom. When illegally received/or offered in the name of service it becomes a bribe.

The question is: When a husband gives it to his wife what do we call it?

cznotebook@yahoo.co.uk