When men are dogs and women bitches!

TODAY I was very fatigued as I finished a walk through the Forbidden City in Beijing, China. It was very exciting to hear of how the Chinese Emperors of old lived large and in excessive opulence. The breaking point was the explanation by the guide of the manner in which these Emperors had one empress and at times up to about 300 concubines at which one of the ladies in our troupe exclaimed, "Men have always been dogs!"

The metaphor did not register to the Chinese guide whose Mandarin always interfered with the English. The guide then with a smile of confidence retorted as if in complementary approval, "Then women, many bitches you see!" We laughed as yours truly got inspiration to pen the following.

It is not as simple as that. The reference of men as dogs is never equated to mean women are bitches but in reality the denotation is exactly that. They cannot be dogs when women remain as humans, ipso facto the women will be bitches. Not being a legal person I will not continue in Latin to expound that it is not with deliberate intention!

What really would have happened is that marital relationships tend to get to sour and at times rotten proportions when men are dogs and women bitches! It is all about perceptions that are created as a result of behavioural traits that are less than human.

Further, it is also about hearts that are hurt at times beyond repair where bitterness becomes the norm. The scars really go deep and painful.

Others in reality do not do themselves they were done (abazenzi bathakwa ngobunja!) as the elders would say in my village! It reminds me of the neighbour's dog that was aptly named Ufunelinjani! In a tongue in cheek comment on the man's promiscuity. The result was in a permanent memorial to celebrate it so to speak, how sad!

We refer to the actions of people to characteristics we have seen in things of nature in our environment. But when one man has acted badly we generalise his actions to describe those of all other men. We are not all like that. Where does it come from? Maybe we do not understand each other. We take each other for granted in our marital relationships. We tend to be mechanical about marriage. The heart, although central to the marital union, is now replaced by a physical union.

When God created us male and female He never intended for us to be the same. We have always been meant to be different.

Understanding that in a marriage will help create a better relationship. If we only married these women for sex then God would have made us men differently.

We think about it so much while we forget that it is only a part (important though it may be) and certainly not the most important. God spoke of the man Adam receiving a helper suited for him. The woman that comes into your life as wife is a helper suited for you. This is a human being meant to complement and complete you.

She adds more significance to you so as to make you contribute to the world in a more meaningful manner. The same can be said of the woman with respect to the man she is married to. There is a lot you can achieve on your own but there is more to be achieved with your spouse.

The other person in your marriage relationship is not just a tool or object for your own gratification. We need each other for the great effect we need to have on this earth.

Men and women are different from one another in many ways. On the body, men and women can be distinguished by their reproductive system. They have different sexual characteristics. That is where the complementary needs to come into place in a big way. When we understand these sexual differences and identify the diversity of needs and how they can be met we will help each other and avoid the dog bitch scenario. We will hurt each other less in marital unions.

In a physical way, men are more muscular and powerful than women, but from the other side, women are more flexible. This is certainly true of women who are not engaged in heavy work or physical occupations. I would not say the same if I was married to a major in the army or a driver in a construction company like Group Five!

In a mental way, women are very emotional, they express their internal feelings on their face. Men are steady, it is hard to figure out what is inside of them. It is to a large extent the downfall of most of us in a relationship. We either over express our emotion because we are women or hide our real feelings in the pretext that we need to present ourselves as strong. In more ways it destroys rather than builds the understanding of each other in a marital union. Mr man take time to be human and emotional while you also madam show your inner strength and patience! Understanding these differences brings strength to a relationship.

I think that in addition to these differences, the biggest difference lies in the thinking and doing things differently. A lot of people say that men are cave animals, women are square animals, meaning that when men are in trouble or when life is not going well, they close themselves in, think alone until they solve problems. They do not like to talk and tackle issues like women do. She will want to let her family know and share her pain.

At times in a very public manner. She feels together with many and not alone like her man. It is these differences which when appreciated and attended to in a marital relationship will help us not get to the dog-bitch binary in the future when trouble strikes.

I could say more but for now keep positive and do not see the dog or the bitch in your spouse. Rather see that significant other who needs you so much to make a significant impact in the world we live in. Shalom!