Financial abuse in marriage

ACCORDING to surveys, in a group of five people, two of them have experienced domestic violence and have also suffered financial abuse.

Last week I took time out to discuss issues concerning money and it got me thinking that we often overlook financial abuse. Financial abuse is actually a form of domestic abuse, which is often ignored by many; it often prevents you from having control over your money.

This is a common way for abusive partners to exert power over the other. Perhaps you are experiencing financial abuse within a physically violent relationship and sometimes this might be one of the reasons why you find it difficult to leave.

Financial abuse in the home, whether or not it's accompanied with physical violence could choke you to death. I think this is the most painful abuse ever. Financial abuse can be very indirect, it could come as someone telling you what you can and cannot buy or requiring you to share control of your bank accounts.

At no point does someone you are dating have the right to use your money or how you spend it to control you.

There are some women or men that do not work and live off their partner's income and to make matters worse they demand the pay slip and every cent printed on it until they carry around the bank cards and pin codes.

In some cases one is not allowed to get a job because the other partner feels going to work will cause friction.

A certain man shared his experience of how his wife would budge into his office on payday and demand every cent until he had to borrow taxi fare because he would be left without a single penny. This woman apparently did spot checks on her husband and complained about how he is all friendly with his female co-workers and often caused drama for him at work. Another lady shared her experiences with regard to this week's topic, she was the bread winner and her husband would spend all the money on alcohol.

He would go to her work place on pay day to demand money and even accused her of having an affair with the boss but was quick to spend the wife's hard earned cash on alcohol and when his wife confronted him he would shout and call her names.

She was too scared to leave him but she eventually did when she could not take any of his abusive ways.

This week I will try and help you get over financial abuse and resolve those sticky monetary issues in your marriages, I am no expert but I can give you some few pointers.

Depending on your situation, you could try suggesting to your partner that you take a more active role in the household finances and that you split your income more fairly in a nice way.

If you have never had much to do with the household budget, you might feel that you need to develop your skills in this area. I know most women always feel it is the woman's job to budget and all but it is only fair to have a say because you make the money.

It might not be easy to raise the subject but it is important to talk about it, it is probably not going to be easy to raise the subject of money.

Financial abuse is something that we rarely hear of since it is often hidden and wrapped up in the confines of an abusive relationship.

Rarely do the people in these relationships speak of the issue because of the shame attached to having to account for every penny spent or even asking for money just to purchase the very basic necessities in life.

Every dollar and I mean every dollar must be accounted for when given to the partner in this relationship.

If it cannot be accounted for then the emotional and even physical abuse ensues and consequences are handed out as name calling and accusations rain on you. One could then be given less money for basic necessities or be forced to beg for money. The feeling of being trapped in the house with no money for food or transportation is crippling and the abused partners in this type of relationship stick to this rule or they know they will suffer the consequences.

People in financially abusive relationships are often forced to take career paths they would not have chosen on their own.

This keeps them from succeeding, eventually becoming financially stable and independent in their own right.

Many people in these situations are either stay at home moms/dads (it seems to be the new trend in town to be a stay at home dad) or if they do work, it is with the permission of their spouse.

If the partner is lucky enough to be able to work full time in such a relationship then her partner often sabotages her career/work life by forcing her to stay home or giving her an ultimatum to quit the job or he is ending the relationship. Please do not leave anything to chance, money issues should be openly talked about.

Till next week let's keep talking, email auntycharity14@gmail.com <mailto:auntycharity14@gmail.com