Dealing with pain, loss and happiness.

Today when I was trolling through the facebook pages, I bumped on a subject I could not resist, it was about memorable events in one's life. I dare to say that the thread was in a group for women, today I confess, I do read their topics even though I never comment, by so doing I believe that I learn a lot about the opposite sex. That aside, back to  the topic at hand, it cuts across gender identities and touches the essence of humanity, human loss, pain, feelings and life itself.

It reminded me of a day when I received a telephone call from my sister a thousand miles away, she broke the news that my young sister had passed away, she was the first closest person to die in my adult life. I lost it, my hands were shaking, my head kept asking why, why, why? The feelings of desperation, loss, confusion, and melancholic-nostalgia flooded my whole system, from psychological to physical faculties, it was an experience that I had never felt before. I was at work, my boss told me to go home.   

As you will see from the excerpts I stole from this facebook page, my experience, I am sure resonates with some of your experiences, but what really happens when human beings are faced with such experiences, where emotions take over. Human beings have what is called an emotional and rational brain. The neuroscientists believe that the emotional brain developed before the rational brain, when human beings were still evolving the emotional brain was useful for survival, still is today. Later on in human evolution the rational brain developed to help human beings to take control of their lives through rational thinking. This is how the brain normally works; I will explain this by way of an example, let us say you are walking in the bush and suddenly see a snake lying in front of you. The visual signal first goes from the retina to a part of the brain called the thalamus, where it is translated into the language of the brain, the message proceeds to the visual cortex part of the brain, where it is analysed and assessed for meaning and appropriate response. If the response is emotional the signal is then sent to the emotional part of the brain called the amygdala.

This is the normal route, however, in situations of intense emotion, the signal bypasses the cortical centres where rationality and thought processes take place and goes directly to the emotional brain (amygdala), in our example of snake, it is most likely that one will jump before the signal reaches the visual cortex, the emotional brain would have taken over.

This is not different from any emotional experience, be it a happy emotional experience or be it a painful emotional experience such as death. The experience goes to the emotional brain, where the human memory resides, the impact it has it ensures that it is indelibly imprinted in one's memory.

Now let me share with you, some of the people's memorable events/occurrences which I stole from Makhox Women's League facecebook page, as it is public, I will use people's names as they appear on the thread:

DGS: Hie sis Dudu, ngicela ungifakele kubomama kesixoxe. Bomama yiliphi ilanga osalikhumbula elihle noma elibi? Mina ngikhumbula ngezi 16 zika Sept 2008 lapho engashonelwa khona ngusisi engimlandelayo kucar accident.

Tshuma Abigail: 7 June 2008....when the love of my life walked into my life....since then he has never walked out or attempted to walk out...we are like Siamese twins...joined at the heart....

Baleseng Dombo Moyo: Mina ngikhumbula umhlaka 9 May 2003 lapho umkami lo bhuti batshabalala ku accident, l thought l was dreaming up to now am still in pain l miss them so much.

Sandrah Moyo: Mine was 26 Februay 2005 when my then boyfriend now my husband kwakumele azoqedelela amalobolo, umama wami watshona and my other two brothers were supposed to celebrate their birthdays the very evening kwavele kwaba leyezi elimnyama ngakithi and the worst part wangcwatshwa nge birthday yomunye futhi ubhudi wami so eish if I remember all that I ask God why? But, maybe he will heal my heart with time.

Monica Lunga: 15 January 1999, when I lost ubuntombi bami.

Thandie Mabhalaki: 16 October 2011 when my Mom passed away, will always love you mum!!!

Enough Tshuma: 24 July 1999 when l lost my dad and 24 August the same year when l lost my mom.

Yolanda Sithole: 6 April my sister died, l thought  ukuthi uzophaphama but she never did.

Meh Nkala: II May 2011 when I lost my lovely daughter, 17 April 2005 lost my mum, 6 May 2012 lost my granny.

Beauty Gal Tshengie: 24 Feb 2010 ngabeletha umntwana ethule; 07 July 2011 ngabeletha omunye ethule, inxeba elingapholi kimi ngithi ngane zami loba ngingazange ngiliphathe lalani ngokuthula ngohlala ngilikhumbula no one ozavala indawo yenu love you my boys.

Ntando Majue: 1987 lapho ubaba wami wanyamalala khona idate angisayikhumbuli ngoba ngangisase mncane.Waphuma ekuseni esiyathenga iphepha emashop kwaba yikuhamba kwakhe kuze kube naMhlanje. ngiyalufisa uthando lukababa l wish uma esaphila angikhumbule kwelinye ilanga. Ngisho noma enjani ngiyamdinga empilweni yami.

I wish I could include all the contributions here, but the space does not allow me to, thanks to those that I have used their experiences and my apologies to those that I have not used their experiences in this article. All your experiences in enriched my life and I hope others benefitted from your good and painful experiences.

Sometimes one wonders how the human heart copes with such pain; but this bears testimony to human resilience and to the great effects of time. No matter how much it hurts today, tomorrow the pain will subside.